Bf proposed last night; his family is unhappy
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Anonymous
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Please separate the absence of unbridled joy from unnecessarily rude comments. Since this is a very important step in their child's life, parents should treat this event seriously, and sometimes that means not jumping for joy, but asking the tough questions. None of our 4 parents congratulated us when DH and I announced our engagement. They were worried about whether we were a good fit for each other, and a million other things, for our own good. It didn't mean they didn't like us. On the other hand, "asking for permission" is incredibly anachronistic. OP, given you've socialized with your fiance's parents before, is this really a surprise? They are allowed not to like you, but not to be rude to you. In this instance, they were not rude to you, BTW. If you're sure you're a good fit with your fiance, have you thought about the fit with your ILs? |
Anonymous
Not lie and pretend - - the idea is to dial-down the drama. "Lie and pretend" are the words you chose. That certainly ramps-up the drama. What he should do is not recount all of his mother's hurtful words, that's all. |
Anonymous
| Be very wary of getting married into this family. Some MIL will try and ruin a marriage. The shit storm has just started. |
Anonymous
| Is it possible they are just surprised? Maybe they are wondering why it came out of nowhere, like if you are pregnant? Does he have any history of substance issues? Prior marriages? |
Anonymous
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Ha! When my husband told his parents he was going to proposed to me, she cried and tried to talk him out of it.
When he actually proposed to me, she insisted on sitting us down together to tell us all the reasons we should not get married and suggested we just live together instead of getting married. I was furious and devastated. When we set the date (one year from proposal, she cried non stop and would not talk to my husband for around a week or so. As in, he was living at home the month before going active duty after college, and except for when she was crying at him she completely ignored him as if he wasn't even there. That made me even more upset. 22 year of marriage and three wonderful kids later, we have a cordial relationship. Living away from her due to the military is the main thing that helped our marriage to get past this. (Do you live far away OP?) I have all boys and I always tell my sisters to remind me often of my MILs behavior when the time comes for them to start their own lives. Consider moving away from them OP amd make sure your husband knows he must have your back. |
Anonymous
| ^^^ Sorry to hear this. Women are awful. |
Anonymous
It did not come out of nowhere, they have been dating for 4 years. |
Anonymous
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OP have you and your fiancée candidly discussed how the two of you will protect your marriage from your in-laws? And, do you have any questions for those of us who married into families years ago with in-laws like yours?
Proceed with caution and a sober, realistic view of what life post-wedding in this man's family will be like. |
Anonymous
| how old are you op? |
Anonymous
| We need details. |
Anonymous
This. Your story and mine are very similar. I thought with marriage they would accept me. Ten years later now and I want a divorce. I want out and I want to go far far away from them. Congrats but be very careful. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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In all likelihood it isn't about you, and she would have reacted that way no matter what girl he married. This is about her crazy, not you.
How he reacts now is what is important. Can he handle his parents (or at least try, this can take awhile to learn)? Can he tell them that he is happy with his choice, and that they need to respect his adult choices? I have been in very similar shoes to yours, and ten years later I have a good relationship with my ILs. It took several of those years to get here. Patience, cordial distance (let your BF handle his family and you just be cordial when you see them), your BF being an adult and standing up for you guys...it can work out. |
Anonymous
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My mother hated my DH and it really drove a wedge between me and my own family. Nothing wrong with him, he was just not handsome enough (really.) Happily married for 20+ years now.
The trick is not to ever live near them OP. It is strange there was no indication of problems earlier, or did they think they would just go along and OP would not last? |
Anonymous
Yes there is. The actual story. |
Anonymous
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This is OP. Fiance and I are so happy!!
We are in our late twenties and I have known his family for the last few years, attending all holidays with them and all. I never got the sense that they like me but fiance and I made a good faith effort to include me in family events so they get used to me being around and know that he is serious about me. Since yesterday, they have not called or reached out to us to apologize or wish us well. I'm really sad but I mostly feel for my fiance. He doesn't deserve such cold treatment after proposing to the love of his life. |