Received unwanted flowers from man who is not my husband

[Anonymous]

It was my birthday this week. I received flowers at work from an ex. I was surprised and embarrassed. I have not kept them in my office and gave them to my secretary.

A couple questions:

1. The ex emailed me asking if I received the flowers and saying he wanted to make me smile. This is unwanted attention and I want him to go away. Is it best just to ignore his email? Should I respond, say thanks, but explain I felt it was not appropriate and ask him not to do it again?

2. Do I have to tell my husband? He will get jealous and upset and I really don't want to tell him. I didn't do anything wrong here and don't want to deal with the fallout. On the other hand, what if he finds out through my secretary (not likely, but possible).

[Anonymous]

Simple "thanks but don't do it again" reply and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was my birthday this week. I received flowers at work from an ex. I was surprised and embarrassed. I have not kept them in my office and gave them to my secretary.

A couple questions:

1. The ex emailed me asking if I received the flowers and saying he wanted to make me smile. This is unwanted attention and I want him to go away. Is it best just to ignore his email? Should I respond, say thanks, but explain I felt it was not appropriate and ask him not to do it again?

2. Do I have to tell my husband? He will get jealous and upset and I really don't want to tell him. I didn't do anything wrong here and don't want to deal with the fallout. On the other hand, what if he finds out through my secretary (not likely, but possible).

1. If it is really unwanted attention then you don't respond at all.

2. Yes. You must tell your husband. If you don't then you have lied to him. If you feel like hiding it then you need to tell him. Its that simple. fess up!


Question for you... was this an ex from BEFORE you were married or was this an extra marital affair?

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I would ignore his email. Ignoring him is a powerful message. Block all forms of contact. Tell your husband and look annoyed as hell. Give the flowers to someone else or throw it away. I know I sound harsh, but when I'm done with a man and have moved on, I don't want anything to do with the ex. Some have tried and I keep adding their contact info on my block and spam list.

[Anonymous]

Why give him attention? I wouldn't respond, he'll get the message. I would tell the husband, just because this is one of those things that if for some odd reason it ever came up I could see him being upset that you withheld it from him. Honesty is the best policy =D (usually...)

[Anonymous]

OP here. This was an ex before my husband. No affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This was an ex before my husband. No affair.

It is inappropriate for an ex to do this, especially if you are married. Why people of both sexes engage in this type of stuff is neurotic and beyond me. I would say something to your husband along the lines of, "there is something I would like to tell you....". He will appreciate the honesty. Out of curiosity, how did the ex know where you worked and email address?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
2. Do I have to tell my husband? He will get jealous and upset and I really don't want to tell him. I didn't do anything wrong here and don't want to deal with the fallout. On the other hand, what if he finds out through my secretary (not likely, but possible).

I can tell you from personal experience (not related to an Ex, but with similar conflicts going through my head about whether to keep it to myself or not)--> I chose not to tell, thinking that it wasn't a huge deal and it would be easier than dealing with the blowout at the time. 3 years later it came out for the reasons beyond me, and I had to explain myself. It would have been far better to just tell my SO immediately...I think of it this way now, Its easier to deal with the prick of the vaccine shot than to take my chances and hope I don't get sick. A little pain now to prevent more down the road You live you learn!

[Anonymous]

Don't respond. He'll regard ANY response as encouragement.

Do tell DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't respond. He'll regard ANY response as encouragement.

Do tell DH.

+1000

[Anonymous]

No response to ex and full disclosure to DH.

Simple and protects you too, from a legal / stalking point of view.

[Anonymous]

What is the ex's story? I assume he knows you're married? Is he a dumbass player type, or obsessive stalker type?

Either way I agree with pp's about telling your dh, though I understand your instincts not too. I'd be sure to let him know you gave the flowers to your secretary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't respond. He'll regard ANY response as encouragement.

Do tell DH.

+1000

This is what I would do.

Seriously, don't engage with the ex at all. People like that have no boundaries and will take even negative reactions as a motivator to continue engagement.

[Anonymous]

You should also figure out why your husband is such an ass that he's going to flip out when it wasn't your fault.

[Anonymous]

It's really alarming that you are dreading fall out from your husband from telling him about this.

That is not normal at all.


I think you should consider therapy because it seems you have a pattern of choosing unstable men.