Received unwanted flowers from man who is not my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really alarming that you are dreading fall out from your husband from telling him about this.

That is not normal at all.


I think you should consider therapy because it seems you have a pattern of choosing unstable men.

+1.

Either your husband is a lunatic or you're leaving something out, like your history of cheating.

[Anonymous]

Why would husband even know? You could have put the flowers in your office and enjoyed them. If someone asks they were sent for your birthday.

What do I care what my wife has in her office.

People sure make a lot out of nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was my birthday this week. I received flowers at work from an ex. I was surprised and embarrassed. I have not kept them in my office and gave them to my secretary.

A couple questions:

1. The ex emailed me asking if I received the flowers and saying he wanted to make me smile. This is unwanted attention and I want him to go away. Is it best just to ignore his email? Should I respond, say thanks, but explain I felt it was not appropriate and ask him not to do it again?

2. Do I have to tell my husband? He will get jealous and upset and I really don't want to tell him. I didn't do anything wrong here and don't want to deal with the fallout. On the other hand, what if he finds out through my secretary (not likely, but possible).

I think it's a little concerning that your husband would get jealous and upset. You cannot control what other people do. That would be an abnormal and troublesome response. Just saying. I'm in factor of disclosure, BTW, along with how you handled it.

"My ex sent me flowers. I gave them to my secretary and had her tell him never to contact me again."

[Anonymous]

Wow, your husband would get upset because your ex is nuts? And might even contact your secretary about your goings-on?

RED FLAG ALERT. Doesn't sound like your ex is the one to be worried about.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you are hesitant to tell your husband. He has no reason to be upset. Although mine would be simply because this shows some very odd behavior on your ex's part.

Ignore the ex. Block his email address.

[Anonymous]

I'd have my secretary call to acknowledge the flowers and note an office policy. When mentioning the flowers to DH, I'd casually lump them in with other b-day acknowledgments from colleagues. Definitely mention that you gave them to the secretary.

[Anonymous]

If your husband isn't going to take it well, I don't see any reason to let him know. As for the ex, you should let him know you don't want any more contact. Just a quick note saying "I've moved on and I don't want any more gifts or contact from you." Do not thank him for the unwanted and inappropriate gift.

[Anonymous]

People on this thread are nuts. I have a great, stable, loving relationship with my fiancé and I also would pause when thinking about telling him. I'm not jealous of his ex but I certainly don't want her sending him flowers, even though I trust him completely and have never, ever suspected he would ever cheat. Geez people, OP doesn't need therapy because she doesn't want to upset or create unnecessary drama.

Anyway OP, I have an ex who occasionally will text me or send me a picture out of the blue. We have been broken up for years. I ignore every single text--zero response whatsoever--yet he still occasionally does this. So I can relate. Ignoring is the best way to go. I used to respond and he would always misconstrue things.

I wouldn't tell your husband if you don't want to. You're not hiding anything bad, I understand that you just don't want to create any drama. Treat it like a text. Get rid of them and forget it even happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People on this thread are nuts. I have a great, stable, loving relationship with my fiancé and I also would pause when thinking about telling him. I'm not jealous of his ex but I certainly don't want her sending him flowers, even though I trust him completely and have never, ever suspected he would ever cheat. Geez people, OP doesn't need therapy because she doesn't want to upset or create unnecessary drama.

Anyway OP, I have an ex who occasionally will text me or send me a picture out of the blue. We have been broken up for years. I ignore every single text--zero response whatsoever--yet he still occasionally does this. So I can relate. Ignoring is the best way to go. I used to respond and he would always misconstrue things.

I wouldn't tell your husband if you don't want to. You're not hiding anything bad, I understand that you just don't want to create any drama. Treat it like a text. Get rid of them and forget it even happened.

There is a problem if telling him would create drama.

OP is dreading dealing with the fall out that's an issue. No healthy and emotionally stable adult would react in anyway to an ex sending unwanted flowers with jealousy or drama, or anything that resembles a fall out.

There is a problem when a person in a relationship avoids telling their partner things to prevent drama or fall out that points to emotional abuse.

Emotional abusers can be very nice and charming until their not. You get used to avoiding telling them things and walking on eggshells so it becomes normal to you and you soothe yourself with " He's so sweet every other time."

This kind of thing intensifies over time.

IF you think this is normal you should reconsider marrying your fiance and just like OP should, you should consider therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on this thread are nuts. I have a great, stable, loving relationship with my fiancé and I also would pause when thinking about telling him. I'm not jealous of his ex but I certainly don't want her sending him flowers, even though I trust him completely and have never, ever suspected he would ever cheat. Geez people, OP doesn't need therapy because she doesn't want to upset or create unnecessary drama.

Anyway OP, I have an ex who occasionally will text me or send me a picture out of the blue. We have been broken up for years. I ignore every single text--zero response whatsoever--yet he still occasionally does this. So I can relate. Ignoring is the best way to go. I used to respond and he would always misconstrue things.

I wouldn't tell your husband if you don't want to. You're not hiding anything bad, I understand that you just don't want to create any drama. Treat it like a text. Get rid of them and forget it even happened.

There is a problem if telling him would create drama.

OP is dreading dealing with the fall out that's an issue. No healthy and emotionally stable adult would react in anyway to an ex sending unwanted flowers with jealousy or drama, or anything that resembles a fall out.

There is a problem when a person in a relationship avoids telling their partner things to prevent drama or fall out that points to emotional abuse.

Emotional abusers can be very nice and charming until their not. You get used to avoiding telling them things and walking on eggshells so it becomes normal to you and you soothe yourself with " He's so sweet every other time."

This kind of thing intensifies over time.

IF you think this is normal you should reconsider marrying your fiance and just like OP should, you should consider therapy.

You're out of your mind. Seriously delusional. Not wanting a weird conversation is not emotional abuse, FFS. Get a grip!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really alarming that you are dreading fall out from your husband from telling him about this.

That is not normal at all.


I think you should consider therapy because it seems you have a pattern of choosing unstable men.

+1.

Either your husband is a lunatic or you're leaving something out, like your history of cheating.

I think some people are reading way too much into this. I think you would all be lying if you flipped it around...would you be totally cool with an ex sending gifts to your current husband/partner? Sure, maybe you wouldn't have a big blowout or feel threatened, but if it would cause uncomfortable feelings, you are kidding yourselves. It does not mean there is one single thing wrong in your relationship. It simply is human nature that nobody wants their husband': ex sending them gifts. That's. It. Nothing. More. So it would be completely understandable that OP does not want her husband to feel anything uncomfortable for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Would not* cause uncomfortable feelings, i meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People on this thread are nuts. I have a great, stable, loving relationship with my fiancé and I also would pause when thinking about telling him. I'm not jealous of his ex but I certainly don't want her sending him flowers, even though I trust him completely and have never, ever suspected he would ever cheat. Geez people, OP doesn't need therapy because she doesn't want to upset or create unnecessary drama.

Anyway OP, I have an ex who occasionally will text me or send me a picture out of the blue. We have been broken up for years. I ignore every single text--zero response whatsoever--yet he still occasionally does this. So I can relate. Ignoring is the best way to go. I used to respond and he would always misconstrue things.

I wouldn't tell your husband if you don't want to. You're not hiding anything bad, I understand that you just don't want to create any drama. Treat it like a text. Get rid of them and forget it even happened.

Having pause and thinking your fiancé is going to flip out to the point you are concerned about telling him are two totally different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on this thread are nuts. I have a great, stable, loving relationship with my fiancé and I also would pause when thinking about telling him. I'm not jealous of his ex but I certainly don't want her sending him flowers, even though I trust him completely and have never, ever suspected he would ever cheat. Geez people, OP doesn't need therapy because she doesn't want to upset or create unnecessary drama.

Anyway OP, I have an ex who occasionally will text me or send me a picture out of the blue. We have been broken up for years. I ignore every single text--zero response whatsoever--yet he still occasionally does this. So I can relate. Ignoring is the best way to go. I used to respond and he would always misconstrue things.

I wouldn't tell your husband if you don't want to. You're not hiding anything bad, I understand that you just don't want to create any drama. Treat it like a text. Get rid of them and forget it even happened.

There is a problem if telling him would create drama.

OP is dreading dealing with the fall out that's an issue. No healthy and emotionally stable adult would react in anyway to an ex sending unwanted flowers with jealousy or drama, or anything that resembles a fall out.

There is a problem when a person in a relationship avoids telling their partner things to prevent drama or fall out that points to emotional abuse.

Emotional abusers can be very nice and charming until their not. You get used to avoiding telling them things and walking on eggshells so it becomes normal to you and you soothe yourself with " He's so sweet every other time."

This kind of thing intensifies over time.

IF you think this is normal you should reconsider marrying your fiance and just like OP should, you should consider therapy.

You're out of your mind. Seriously delusional. Not wanting a weird conversation is not emotional abuse, FFS. Get a grip!

No one said it was. YOU sound out of your mind and delusional because once again we are talking about her spouse getting so upset it causes drama, NOT an awkward conversation. If OP is already in fear this will cause drama either her husband is an ass or she has an anxiety issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really alarming that you are dreading fall out from your husband from telling him about this.

That is not normal at all.


I think you should consider therapy because it seems you have a pattern of choosing unstable men.

+1.

Either your husband is a lunatic or you're leaving something out, like your history of cheating.

I think some people are reading way too much into this. I think you would all be lying if you flipped it around...would you be totally cool with an ex sending gifts to your current husband/partner? Sure, maybe you wouldn't have a big blowout or feel threatened, but if it would cause uncomfortable feelings, you are kidding yourselves. It does not mean there is one single thing wrong in your relationship. It simply is human nature that nobody wants their husband': ex sending them gifts. That's. It. Nothing. More. So it would be completely understandable that OP does not want her husband to feel anything uncomfortable for no reason.

No. No one said they would be cool with it. But if I trusted them and trusted it was unprovoked, I sure wouldn't be upset or cause drama about it. No way would I blame my spouse because their ex sucks. If you would - you have problems.