Ideas to make third grader more independent

[Anonymous]

My DD is entering third grade and I'd like her to become more independent and responsible.

What are some things she can start doing? One idea I had was making her own lunch on school days.

Any other ideas out there? This could be for school, home, library, restaurants, or wherever.

[Anonymous]

My son has started making his own lunch this summer. I don't think it would be a very complete lunch if he made it for the school year.

[Anonymous]

What chores is she doing so far?

[Anonymous]

What is she doing already? I also have a DD entering third grade, and over the last few months she has become a lot more responsible. She does her whole morning routine (e.g., getting dressed, brushing hair, packing backpack for camp) without any reminders or nagging, and same for bedtime (shower, hair, teeth, etc.). She's been capable of those things for a while, obviously, but having her be in complete control without needing any prompting feels like a big independence step. Also putting away her own laundry without being asked. Am curious to see what others suggest for other settings outside the house.

[Anonymous]

Impossible to say OP without a sense of what she may or may not do already.

Does she clear up the table with you after dinner?

Can she get herself drinks and snacks?

Does she leave her clothes on the floor or put them in the laundry basket?

Does she make her own bed?

[Anonymous]

OP here. She's a sweet girl but needs A LOT of nagging to do anything. She's capable of all of the things listed about but won't do them without being asked. She's also pretty shy with adults so I've been making her pay at registers, ask questions, etc. while I'm nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She's a sweet girl but needs A LOT of nagging to do anything. She's capable of all of the things listed about but won't do them without being asked. She's also pretty shy with adults so I've been making her pay at registers, ask questions, etc. while I'm nearby.

Make a simple chore chart for the fridge--no more than 3-5. You can even use pictures with velcro on the back or a dry erase board. To do/done.

[Anonymous]

I sit down with my son every year and type up a list of things he needs to do and a general order (make lunch, pack backpack, take shower, brush teeth, turn on alarm, etc). Now instead of saying all of these things, I just ask him if he has finished his list. In 3rd grade, he made his lunch, helped empty the dishwasher, did his laundry (although his folding skills took a while).

[Anonymous]

My DD sounds the same (shy with adults), however she is craving more independence and regularly asks for it. So, Im doing the stuff you are: having her order from the menu at restaurants, go into bathrooms by herself, run into starbucks to buy my coffee. She's forever been worried about doing these sort of things, but the last 6 months she's changed and has wanted more of these opportunities. I think she sees other kids who are independent and wants to be as well!

Also, giving her more interesting TV shows/movies to watch (old schools 80s/90s rather than disney or animated movies). Long play dates where i don't pick up for 4-5 hours.

She doesn't do many chores but I give her an allowance and for that she must keep her room & the play room clean and clear her dishes.

[Anonymous]

Do you live close to her school? If so, does she walk home with friends yet? Or walk around the block to a friend's house?

[Anonymous]

PP 19:38 again. Like another PP, my daughter seemed to make a shift in the last few months and really craves being independent and responsible. I think I've helped it along by noticing when she did something without nagging and praising her and saying how appreciative I was, and that led to her wanting to do more and more independently -- it definitely grew over time.

[Anonymous]

1 - empty the trash from the car
2 - make sure toilet paper is in each bathroom
3- put her bag together for the pool (we pack it the night before for the next evening
4- clear the table

[Anonymous]

Just some ideas off the top of my head since you didn't give much detail about what specific sorts of situations you want her to develop independence in.

1. Chores Decide which chores or which areas of the home are her regular responsibility, then spend some time working with her to teach her how to accomplish each one. Go step by step. First you might have to do it, with her just watching and helping a little. Then you could move on to her doing the task while you stay with her and prompt her for what to to if she forgets the steps. Do that a few times for each task that she needs to learn. Then have her do the chore independently without you there, and you check afterwards to see how well it was done and work with her to correct anything that needs it.

After she has learned each of the chores you want her to be independently responsible for, you can help her create a simple weekly chore chart/routine to help her remember to do each one in a timely manner.

Is she an independent reader already? If so, I would create notecards for each of the chores that list the steps to accomplish them. For example "Clean the bathroom: 1. wash the counters 2.Windex the mirror, ..." so that she can use them for a reference. That is the part that will really encourage independence because that removes you entirely from the process. You don't have to nag her about the chores or tell her step-by-step what to do, just tell her to check her chore routine and refer to the cards if she needs reminders.

2. Taking responsibility for her own stuff Help your DD make a list of things she needs everyday for school, and a routine to make sure she has it when she needs it. Any parent who has kids in school likely knows about the parade of stuff, stuff, stuff. Papers from the teacher to the parents, forms that go to the office, the homework folder, the musical instrument, the gym clothes, the lunchbox. Around third grade was when I transitioned my kids to taking primary responsibility for their own things related to school, sports practice, etc. We created a routine together, then they were responsible for making sure they had what they needed ready to go each morning. If they forgot something, as a courtesy my partner or I would bring it to them if we could on lunch break or something, but their forgetfulness was not our crisis. They got their backpack ready the night before, packed most of their lunch the night before and in the morning just added anything that would have gotten gross overnight, and they were responsible for getting the gym clothes to the laundry the day they wore them so that I could wash them for next time they were needed.

3. Homework Help your DD set a step-by-step routine for keeping track of assignments, both daily and long-term, and getting her homework done and handed in. As soon as the kids were reliable independent readers we encouraged them to be the ones taking most of the ownership for their homework, but by third grade it was totally their issue to deal with. We would help with specific things if asked, but keeping track of what their assignments were, doing the assignments, and getting the assignments back to school and handed in on time was totally their responsibility. For projects, they were not allowed to ambush us with "must go to the store tonight!" unless there were serious extenuating circumstances -- we instituted a 2-day rule where we had two days from the day they told us what they needed to get them the supplies, and we expected them to still have time to do the project. That meant telling us about projects that needed special supplies well in advance. If THE TEACHER had given them the assignment with less notice than that, we would go to the store immediately, but we wanted to see the project sheet with the date assigned first. We were really hands-off, didn't check homework but might ask a general "hey, have you finished all your homework that's due tomorrow? If not, what is your plan to get it done?" at dinner time.

4. Interacting with adults Refuse to do any of it for her anymore, unless there is a really good reason. She orders her dinner in the restaurant; she asks the librarian how to find the book; she is the first person who talks to the teacher if there's some sort of minor issue bothering her. If you think she can do it, then your stance becomes "I will not harm your development by doing for you something that you are capable of yourself. You can do it, so you will do it." To make sure she actually can, prepare beforehand for any new situations, roleplay, script as needed. Be her sounding board but not her voice. (For everyday situations where she can speak for herself, not large crises or other times when a parent really should still advocate for their kid.)

[Anonymous]

Very helpful thread! I am always looking for new ideas to help my DD gain independence.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if all schools do this, but our 3rd grade teacher was all about making the kids be more independent in their school work and duties. So you may get a residual benefit from that. They got school planners and had to write down homework, and make sure they brought their correct books and worksheets home, etc.