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[quote=Anonymous]Just some ideas off the top of my head since you didn't give much detail about what specific sorts of situations you want her to develop independence in.

[b] 1. Chores [/b] Decide which chores or which areas of the home are her regular responsibility, then spend some time working with her to teach her how to accomplish each one. Go step by step. First you might have to do it, with her just watching and helping a little. Then you could move on to her doing the task while you stay with her and prompt her for what to to if she forgets the steps. Do that a few times for each task that she needs to learn. Then have her do the chore independently without you there, and you check afterwards to see how well it was done and work with her to correct anything that needs it.

After she has learned each of the chores you want her to be independently responsible for, you can help her create a simple weekly chore chart/routine to help her remember to do each one in a timely manner.

Is she an independent reader already? If so, I would create notecards for each of the chores that list the steps to accomplish them. For example "Clean the bathroom: 1. wash the counters 2.Windex the mirror, ..." so that she can use them for a reference. [u] That is the part that will really encourage independence [/u] because that removes you entirely from the process. You don't have to nag her about the chores or tell her step-by-step what to do, just tell her to check her chore routine and refer to the cards if she needs reminders.

[b] 2. Taking responsibility for her own stuff [/b] Help your DD make a list of things she needs everyday for school, and a routine to make sure she has it when she needs it. Any parent who has kids in school likely knows about the parade of stuff, stuff, stuff. Papers from the teacher to the parents, forms that go to the office, the homework folder, the musical instrument, the gym clothes, the lunchbox. Around third grade was when I transitioned my kids to taking primary responsibility for their own things related to school, sports practice, etc. We created a routine together, then they were responsible for making sure they had what they needed ready to go each morning. If they forgot something, as a courtesy my partner or I would bring it to them if we could on lunch break or something, but their forgetfulness was not our crisis. They got their backpack ready the night before, packed most of their lunch the night before and in the morning just added anything that would have gotten gross overnight, and they were responsible for getting the gym clothes to the laundry the day they wore them so that I could wash them for next time they were needed.

[b] 3. Homework [/b] Help your DD set a step-by-step routine for keeping track of assignments, both daily and long-term, and getting her homework done and handed in. As soon as the kids were reliable independent readers we encouraged them to be the ones taking most of the ownership for their homework, but by third grade it was totally their issue to deal with. We would help with specific things if asked, but keeping track of what their assignments were, doing the assignments, and getting the assignments back to school and handed in on time was totally their responsibility. For projects, they were not allowed to ambush us with "must go to the store tonight!" unless there were serious extenuating circumstances -- we instituted a 2-day rule where we had two days from the day they told us what they needed to get them the supplies, and we expected them to still have time to do the project. That meant telling us about projects that needed special supplies well in advance. If THE TEACHER had given them the assignment with less notice than that, we would go to the store immediately, but we wanted to see the project sheet with the date assigned first. We were really hands-off, didn't check homework but might ask a general "hey, have you finished all your homework that's due tomorrow? If not, what is your plan to get it done?" at dinner time.

[b] 4. Interacting with adults [/b] Refuse to do any of it for her anymore, unless there is a really good reason. She orders her dinner in the restaurant; she asks the librarian how to find the book; she is the first person who talks to the teacher if there's some sort of minor issue bothering her. If you think she can do it, then your stance becomes "I will not harm your development by doing for you something that you are capable of yourself. You can do it, so you will do it." To make sure she actually can, prepare beforehand for any new situations, roleplay, script as needed. Be her sounding board but not her voice. (For everyday situations where she can speak for herself, not large crises or other times when a parent really should still advocate for their kid.)[/quote]

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