Is coworker being mean to me or just insensitive?

[Anonymous]

There is a new coworker in the office.

She comes to my desk often with her doubts and I always help her.
Even when I am busy, I just took out time and helped her. If I did not know the answer, I found out and then explained it to her.
went out of my way to help her.
I wondered why she does not go to anyone else with her doubts.
There are days I could not do any of my work at office because she kept stopping by or messaging me her questions.

A few things happened:

1) she had a doubt and I explained it to her. Then she asked if I can help her complete that work. I helped her complete that work.
In the status meeting, she told manager that she is still working on the issue and has not figured it out yet.
what she said is not true.

2) I see emails going back and forth relating to a project.
I did not understand something that she mentioned in one of the emails and asked her what that means.
she responded "God knows...please ask xyz".
I was surprised by her curt answer.

3) When I am working at my desk, she just sneaks up on me. I do not realize that she is sitting behind me in a chair and watching my computer screen as I have my headphones on.
Then when I turn for something, she is there. she grins and asks if I am working on so and so task. She has done this at least thrice and each time I am surprised to find her quietly sitting behind me.
she wants to know everything about the project I am working on. what tools to use, what documentation i am reading and who assigned the work ....

4) when I am in the middle of a conversation with a coworker, she just interrupts the conversation and says some random thing.

why is she doing this? is she just being insensitive or is she taking advantage?
No one at work seems to realize this because she only comes to my desk (for the past 2 weeks).
she never thanks or acknowledges the help in status meeting or in email.

[Anonymous]

Wow, this sounds so creepy. I would start telling her that unfortunately, you don't know the answer and you're unable to answer her question.

[Anonymous]

You're letting her do this to you.

So, as a fellow human who finds it hard to say no, you have my sympathy, but only a small measure of it. We nice doormat people really have to communicate that WE ARE BUSY AND CAN'T HELP SORRY SEE YOU LATER.

I've tried doing this lately it's gone very well. I say it nicely once and then ignore other demands for help. The next time I see these people I am all politeness, and when they bring up that they need help I offer a little tidbit and then direct them to other sources of information, because sorry, I have my own work to do.

[Anonymous]

Thank you to both of you for your responses.
I hardly ever speak up. i thought this person might be shy or introvert as well. and she probably goes to one person for help.
but i have noticed that she is very social. she chats with almost everyone (not related to project work).

as PP said, maybe I am letting this woman treat me badly.
I will try to stay away from her at work.

[Anonymous]

1) If you're spending more than 15-30 minutes helping this co-worker be sure to include your supervisor in any emails regarding this.
2) Meh, I'd let that go.
3) I'd talk to her about this. I'm hoping she isn't trying to catch you goofing off, stealing your work, etc. But anyone who'd just stand there for 1-5 minutes waiting for you to turn around is weird.
4) Sorry, I'm busy. Repeat until desired effect is found.

I assume this co-worker isn't making it rain or is a friend of someone very high up in the hierarchy.

[Anonymous]

Also get one of those little office mirrors so she can't sneak up on you. That would drive me nutty.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like she doesn't know what she's doing work-wise and is trying to learn from you. Probably afraid to make mistakes and to let on to others that she doesn't understand what's going on.

And she is socially inappropriate/awkward.

[Anonymous]

"Sorry I'm busy."

"Hi, when I'm focused on a spreadsheet or document, I don't notice you behind me and it scares me. Do you mind knocking so I don't have a heart attack?" (say this with a smile)

[Anonymous]

In the last one, if she's butting into conversations between you and your boss, bring it up with your boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a new coworker in the office.

She comes to my desk often with her doubts and I always help her.
Even when I am busy, I just took out time and helped her. If I did not know the answer, I found out and then explained it to her.
went out of my way to help her.
I wondered why she does not go to anyone else with her doubts.
There are days I could not do any of my work at office because she kept stopping by or messaging me her questions.

A few things happened:

1) she had a doubt and I explained it to her. Then she asked if I can help her complete that work. I helped her complete that work.
In the status meeting, she told manager that she is still working on the issue and has not figured it out yet.
what she said is not true.

2) I see emails going back and forth relating to a project.
I did not understand something that she mentioned in one of the emails and asked her what that means.
she responded "God knows...please ask xyz".
I was surprised by her curt answer.

3) When I am working at my desk, she just sneaks up on me. I do not realize that she is sitting behind me in a chair and watching my computer screen as I have my headphones on.
Then when I turn for something, she is there. she grins and asks if I am working on so and so task. She has done this at least thrice and each time I am surprised to find her quietly sitting behind me.
she wants to know everything about the project I am working on. what tools to use, what documentation i am reading and who assigned the work ....

4) when I am in the middle of a conversation with a coworker, she just interrupts the conversation and says some random thing.

why is she doing this? is she just being insensitive or is she taking advantage?
No one at work seems to realize this because she only comes to my desk (for the past 2 weeks).
she never thanks or acknowledges the help in status meeting or in email.

It could be that she doesn't feel comfortable approaching anyone else (or is there anyone else in your office doing work similar to you?) and realizes how often she has to come to ask you things. So maybe she knows she is bothering you and doesn't want to interrupt when she comes over, waits until you turn around and notice her before asking whatever she came to ask. She may be anxious to be able to do the work on her own quickly so asking so many questions. She may also have ADHD or some other social/behavioral issues where she is unaware of how her bahavior is perceived by others.

[Anonymous]

If you look bad, you don't get your work done, it won't matter why.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend and work colleague who has gotten into the habit of ALWAYS guiding people to others. When people ask her for help (and everyone does), she tells them who would have that information. So, she's still quite helpful but doesn't take on the load when assisting others. She was taken advantage of early on and found a new way of dealing with requests.

Definitely get that mirror today. That's is so creepy and inappropriate.

If she gave you credit, I'd be much more forgiving. As things stand, what do you get out of this? It sounds like she's taking more ground too. Interrupting you? Sitting behind you like that? You're a kind and generous coworker. You've given enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Sorry I'm busy."

"Hi, when I'm focused on a spreadsheet or document, I don't notice you behind me and it scares me. Do you mind knocking so I don't have a heart attack?" (say this with a smile)

Get a mirror over your monitor.

[Anonymous]

This is OP.
I am the shy one and the one who is very quiet most of the times.
she is very social. I don't think she has any shyness or awkwardness issues.
In the short period of time she has made quite a few acquaintances.
she is giving hi-fives to some of the colleagues and goes out for ice cream and lunches.
already added some of them to her facebook....
so this is not related to shyness.

this insensitivity seems only towards me.
she never notes anything down.
she keeps coming back with some same questions like where that file is located and that she forgot.

Today as soon as she messaged, I signed out and went offline.
from her desk she can see if I am at my desk or not.
not sure if she understood or was mad about that.
after some time she started messaging things like "never mind", "I found what I needed..."
She did not come to my desk whole day and she started visiting a colleague who sits next to me.

I think now she has enough knowledge to have more advanced conversations about project work with rest of the team.

I have never told my manager that I am helping her.
I thought it is an understood fact that we all are going to help the new employee catch up on knowledge.
in hindsight, i think I should have mentioned to my manager that I helping her with the project work.