Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sam

You're a single mom. Sam is a gentle, kind kid and your ex was an asshole. You were afraid Sam would be like him, so you left. You bought a house in Hyattsville and times were tough but then Sam grew up and didn't need daycare and you moved up at work. You lead a nice, simple life- you and Sam have a quiet dinner and watch National Geographic channel at night before bed. You like when he sleeps in your bed, but worry you'll then become the "single cosleeping mom" so you don't let him. You hope that one day you'll meet someone nice and marry again, but wouldn't be heartbroken if you didn't. You saved up all year and you and Sam are going on a cruise this summer, just the two of you. You can't wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Michael
Katherine
Peter
Caroline

You chime in on the Beauty and Fashion board about under eye concealer and anti-aging cream, and were disgusted with the whole "no women should be wearing capris" thread, as it was casual Friday and you had on your new capris with the margarita glasses and palm trees on them that you paid a pretty penny for last summer in the Outer Banks. Michael doesn't call as much as he used to now that he is married (inter-faith ceremony with a rabbi and a priest, don't get me started on how much paying for that open bar cost you) and Peter is finally on his own after paying off his student loan debt while living with you, even though now he and your husband are not speaking to each other. Katherine, not Kate (she is in her 30's and the Kate Middleton craze was not yet upon us) is causing you great angst by not using her Literature degree and staying home with Eleanor and Lucy. Caroline, the youngest, is still in college and just will NOT friend you on facebook so you can see what is really going on in that sorority.

Your marriage is strong, still going at it at least 1x/week with your deceivingly muscular husband (you just would never guess what a bod he has going on under that suit!) and you are just hoping Caroline doesn't get pregnant before marriage. After all, your mother is still alive (don't get me start on how much her assistive living is costing you)

[Anonymous]

Landon

[Anonymous]

Andrey

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Landon

You were picked on as a kid and didn't want your kid to be the outcast. So you wracked your brain to come up with a "cool kid" name. Landon is exactly the kid who would have made fun of you growing up- athletic, good looking, popular. You're happy life is easier for him, but a small part of you resents how easy it all is for him too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Vladimir, natalia

You had 400 people at your wedding. Gifts totaled $200,000. Vladimir and Natalia hate their names and you screech at them that they honor their heritage. You are desperately hoping you get to the mail before your DH does when this month's AmEx bill arrives. It's just that recently Natalia told you she hates you and the only thing you could think to do was take her to Tyson's Corner for the day. And you couldn't leave out Vladimir or then HE might hate you. There is one four day period this summer when they will be between summer camps and you are already concocting the story to give your doctor so that he might prescribe you some Xanax. Your little 2 lb dog with runny eyes, Chanel, is your real baby. She eats Lucky Charms right off your tongue.

this is the only thing correct
and this happens pretty much every month

wedding was extremely simple and small
kids are foreign-born
I hate dogs

[Anonymous]

Abigail
Jack
Georgia

[Anonymous]

Rachel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Abigail
Jack
Georgia

Hanging above the fireplace is a huge portrait of the five of you at the beach in khakis and white button down shirts. Your husband is from New England and you're from the Midwest so you compromised and chose vaguely Southern names for your children. You're known as the "super mom" who always has her shit together but sometimes you just want to tell the PTA to go fuck itself and head to Cabo for a week. Your husband is a great dad and provider but he's interminably dull and you dabbled in an emotional affair last year but were too chicken to let it get physical. Everyone admires your beautiful scrapbooks and nobody suspects you have a secret cache of vibrators and sex toys hidden in shoe boxes in your closet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD: Casey

DS: Andrew but goes by Drew

Your husband and your kids are the human versions of Golden Retrievers. You wish you were as well but you know deep down you're the Dachsund. Casey has long legs and your jealousy over them stings so bad sometimes. Drew us the class clown, but the fun kind, not the a-hole kind. Your husband is just genuinely well liked despite still wearing fraternity tshirts from college and drinking Bud Light. He claims to be "known" for his burgers.

Casey and Drew's mom here. Too funny! The only thing that's right is that I am indeed jealous (though not so badly that it stings) of my daughter's beautiful skin. She actually is short and definitely doesn't have long legs. Drew is sort of a clown, but he's only 3 so it's too soon to tell. My husband wasn't in a fraternity and doesn't even own any college t-shirts, nor does he drink Bud Light. He's definitely not known for his burgers- at least not the meat kind, since we have a vegetarian house.

[Anonymous]

Anna
Caroline

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catherine
Caroline
Reid

You buy your children's clothes at Hanna Andersson. Catherine and Caroline do ballet, Reid plays tennis. You drive a Honda Odyssey.

Black Suburban
Kids in catholic school
Hunter wellies
blond highlights
Bethany Beach
Considering doing Paleo to get back into size 2 skinny jeans
Daily Starbucks
School Auction/Book Drive

I hate Hanna Andersson.
No ballet
Yes to tennis
Black MDX
No on Catholic
No wellies
Brunette
Never been to Bethany
Love carbs
2x/month Starbucks
Work and no time for auctions/drives

[Anonymous]

Marisa and Macey

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marisa and Macey

Parents are stupid fucks. 'Nuff said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lark

Lily

Anyone?