My new adult stepsister told me I can't use "her" baby girl name (and it's my #1 choice)
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Anonymous
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My adult stepsister who is younger than I am recently told me (at 32 weeks pregnant) that I can't use "her name" for a baby girl. Unfortunately, no one told me this earlier, the name is a very popular girls name (in the top 10 right now) and it is actually the top name I have chosen for our daughter. DH and I told our whole family already that we aren't telling people the name we choose until after she is born so I didn't reveal that the name she was trying to tell me she wants to use is at the top of our list, and now I'm not sure what to do. FWIW, this stepsister and I are not close as our parents have only been married for about 3 years, we see each other maybe 2-4 times per year at holidays, and we live several states apart. (This is the third marriage for both of our parents.) She is engaged to be married next year but has some pretty big issues in her turbulent personal life, and I do not see her having children for a while until she gets her life under control.
All that said, what is the etiquette around this? At one point I had asked my younger, married sister who is about to start trying if there were any names she had hear heart set on using for her future kids, and she gave me one, but it never occurred to me to do this with anyone else. I don't want to be a jerk, but finding a name DH and I both like has been a near impossible task and the name in question is one I really really love and have loved for a long time. I'm not trying to create an issue in our family or for my remarried parent and now will feel like a jerk if we proceed to name our daughter the name we have picked out knowing that she said she was going to use it, but can I really be expected not to use a baby name because someone else is "claiming" it? We do have a few other options but we don't like any of them quite as well so I'm not sure they will even work since I had my heart set on this one particular name. Thoughts or advice? |
Anonymous
| Top 10 names can't be called by an adult stepsister. Go for it. |
Anonymous
| Use the name you want. |
Anonymous
| Totally use the name you want. That is crazy. My SIL did the same thing when I was pregnant and she wasn't but luckily her names weren't on our list. Congrats! |
Anonymous
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That is insane.
#1 You are not actually family, less so than distant second cousins #2 3rd marriage for both parents? Probably not going to last. #3 Turbulent personality? Your father's wife's daughter (seriously, hardly a step sister) might not stay married long enough to have babies with her first husband. Use the name you picked. Likely she will not be in your life for very lont. |
Anonymous
| Mey SIL tried this as well, and I just told her whoever had a girl first could use that name, or maybe we both would if we both liked it that much. She seemed put off, but I didn't care. You don't get to "call" names, it's absurd. |
Anonymous
#4 if you use the name, what is the worst that will happen? She gets mad at you and won't talk to you for a while? Is that really such a loss? She is going to look petty wnd stupid. |
Anonymous
| Use the name. Who cares if someone your child will see maybe 2 times a year potentially will have the same name too. People are so weird about wanting to be unique with their kids' names. |
Anonymous
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I am assuming by "her name" you don't mean her actual name, but a name she has chosen for her own future baby.
I would decide whether you still want to use the name. For me, the drama wouldn't be worth it, given that I always had difficulty narrowing down the list. But id you do, then I would tell her in writing, in advance, something like "I was surprised by your joke about the baby's name. It happens that we are using Ava. Please don't tell anyone." If there's drama you'll want to get it over with now, not when you have a newborn. Congratulations! |
Anonymous
| She who has the baby first, wins. |
Anonymous
| Every poster is right. |
Anonymous
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How weird of her to do that. Why does she want this name? Is it her mom's name? If she's naming her after someone, I'd go about it with a little more empathy (but would still do it, probably). Otherwise, I would use the name, but send her an email or call her first to explain what you've said here. If she hears about it after the baby is born, she will think (and tell everyone) that you chose the name precisely to spite her. But if you give her a heads up, maybe she will get over it. Just ti take the high road, you should be honest and sensitive about it.
If it's a top 10 name, she'll be tired of it by the time she has a baby anyway. |
Anonymous
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Pick whatever name you want and don't worry about her. If you want, when your child is born, you could send her a handwritten letter explaining that you didn't want to reveal your choice before, but that you had your heart set on this name before she talked to you about it. But really, if she's crazy, she's crazy. (and make sure you have another name if your baby is of the other sex! Happened to us) |
Anonymous
| Consensus. Use the name! Don't not choose the name you like because you're afraid of making her unhappy. |
Anonymous
#5 What makes you think your step sister will even have a girl? AND that (her soon to be) husband agrees with your step sister in the name. Maybe he won't/doesn't like it. #6 It's as much as "her" name as it is "yours". |