Tired of my child

[Anonymous]

My son has been so difficult since birth. He's 11 now and I'm just tired and think it's going to get worse, not better, during adolescence. Main issues are dis-respect toward mom (not dad) and harassment of younger brother. Pretty much anything I tell him to do - shower, pick up, homework, help, stop doing something - is met with literally a growl (same growl since he was probably two). His latest response to my requests is "I'm good," which pretty much puts me over the edge. His favorite hobby has always been bothering his docile younger brother. And he has never been interested in anything constructive - won't read a book to save his life, won't go to anything extra-curricular except under duress with lots of anger. No friends to speak of either - I stopped arranging playdates a few years ago because, either kids just aren't nice anymore, or my kid just doesn't get on with others. I took him once for help when he was 8, but was told to make him feel more "connected" to me, to "count." But our issues started 11 years ago... I really just needed to vent! Does anyone else have a child like this?

[Anonymous]

I think you need a parenting class and a good therapist, stat.

[Anonymous]

What's happening in the way of discipline?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need a parenting class and a good therapist, stat.

+1. Before you screw him up for life, I will add to this PP.

[Anonymous]

This seems like a problem that needed resolving 7 years ago. Agree to seek therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need a parenting class and a good therapist, stat.

+1. Before you screw him up for life, I will add to this PP.

Kids with poor relationships with their mother go on to have successful lives, PP. It's not ideal, obviously, but not everything in life goes perfectly.

[Anonymous]

Based on the fact that he's not this way with his father, I think the problem may be the way you parent, rather than him. How come his father doesn't get the attitude? There's something to that.

Also, as the parent of a 13 yr old, I'll gently suggest you pick your battles, and don't worry about his "I'm good" response. I don't care what my DD verbally says when I tell her to clean the bathroom as long as she does what I've told her to do. "I'm good" is not the hill to die on.

[Anonymous]

It's problematic you waited this long, OP, because adolescence is really going to muddy the waters here. Be sure to insist on the fact that he was always difficult, that it's not a new thing, when you get him evaluated.

You have to do a little research and check which kind of assessment he needs, call around a few psychologist offices. Most will do a free phone intake to determine what the general concern is and which evaluation would be best to do.

[Anonymous]

How does your husband treat you? With sarcasm and mockery? Because your son learns from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's happening in the way of discipline?

I'm always trying different things...He likes to earn things by earning and saving up good behavior check marks. He loses his Iphone (just a device, no phone) for an hour at a time, gets it back if he behaves for that hour. He can be good, but his bad behavior is just so bad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's happening in the way of discipline?

I'm always trying different things...He likes to earn things by earning and saving up good behavior check marks. He loses his Iphone (just a device, no phone) for an hour at a time, gets it back if he behaves for that hour. He can be good, but his bad behavior is just so bad!

He loses his iphone for just AN HOUR? And gets it back in just AN HOUR of being good?

Yes, you need parenting classes.

And give him household responsibilities - not just things he "earns."

[Anonymous]

Is his name Kevin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's happening in the way of discipline?

I'm always trying different things...He likes to earn things by earning and saving up good behavior check marks. He loses his Iphone (just a device, no phone) for an hour at a time, gets it back if he behaves for that hour. He can be good, but his bad behavior is just so bad!

Unless he has some sort of special needs or other issues, it sounds like the discipline needs to be more harsh than losing the phone for one hour. It's time to bring the hammer around. You disrespect your parents, you lose the phone for the rest of the day, or the whole weekend, or whatever.

If your husband is present when your son is giving you this attitude, what is his reaction? How does your husband treat you overall?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's happening in the way of discipline?

I'm always trying different things...He likes to earn things by earning and saving up good behavior check marks. He loses his Iphone (just a device, no phone) for an hour at a time, gets it back if he behaves for that hour. He can be good, but his bad behavior is just so bad!

You need to start from the opposite end. Be well-behaved ALL DAY today, and you earn the phone for two hours tomorrow. Define together (written down) what "well-behaved" means. Then tomorrow he earns two hours of phone for Wednesday. And so on.

[Anonymous]

These are really helpful tips to think about so far (although some are a bitter pill to swallow). It's true, pick your battles - I needed to hear that. My younger son is easy - I guess I'm a bad parent and he's just an easy personality.