Dog for a touchy-feely 4 year old?

[Anonymous]

My 4-year-old DS (he is #2 of four, all a little over 1.5 years apart) is one of those kids who always wants to be sitting on a lap, hugging, touching, wrestling, etc.. He has siblings who will wrestle with him sometimes, and adults do plenty of cuddling. However, it's all day long to the point of being annoying to pretty much everyone. He can't just hug; he has to jump up and grab you. He can't just sit next to you; he has to lean on you. He can't just play with the baby; he has to pull on him or move him around. You get the picture (I hope).

I was thinking that maybe a dog would be a good idea. I know there are some breeds who would like a kid to lick and roll around with (he isn't rough; I'm not worried about jumping on an animal or pulling tails or anything). I don't know, though.

Does anyone have a kid like this? Would this be a good idea? Do you have a dog? Does the kid love the dog? Does it help him get his touchy-feelies out?

Total disclosure: I am not a dog person, and have a lot of people to take care of already (and a cat) and would only get one if I thought it would be good for my son. My husband loves dogs, and I think all the kids would, too, so I don't think the dog would be in anyway neglected, and I am certainly prepared to put the work in to be a good dog mommy. There are people home all day (I work PT from home, but there's also a nanny and a part time housekeeper), and my husband would help with the training and care when he's home. This would definitely be more work for me, though, so I'm putting it out there: is this a good enough idea to make it worth the commitment to a dog? If we did this, what type of dog should we look for?

[Anonymous]

Horrible, horrible idea.

Dogs HATE to be hugged and smothered by people. If you do get a dog, you need to teach your child immediately that he does not approach the dog--he sits down and lets the dog approach him, on dog's terms. Dog is always able to leave without being followed.

[Anonymous]

Please done get a dog simply for the fact that you would like to have something for your child to maul. Please get him a Stuffie or lovie or some thing that he can touch When he need to "get his touchy feelies out".

Dogs are like people. Sometimes they like to be touched, sometimes they don't. If they don't, they can bite.

Think about it.. If you're annoyed by being touched all the time by your child, why would a dog feel any differently?

Please please please don't get a dog.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that a dog is a good idea. Dogs have all different sorts of personalities. Some might like to be cuddled and leaned on all day long. But others might not. I think it'd be hard for you to figure out a good dog personality match.

Anyway, his behavior reminds me of one of the 5 Love Languages. Remember that book a while ago? If not, you can Google it. Sounds like touch is his love language!

He needs to learn boundaries -- that not everyone loves to be leaned on by him all day long.

[Anonymous]

My 3.5 yo DS is like yours. We have a dog (who we had before we had DS). We are very fortunate that ours is a wonderfully sweet and patient cockapoo.

Almost on a daily basis I've had to separate DS from the dog because he's bothering her way too much and she's getting to the end of her rope. I'm not afraid that she will bite him (she hasn't come close in all this time), but she has tried to dominate him (hump) to get him to lay off. Sometimes I let her do it to teach DS that she's saying "no".

I keep hoping that as he grows he will chill out a bit and be less relentless with her (hugging on her constantly, grabbing her, etc.), but I keep a close eye on him with her nonetheless. When he's getting to pesty with the dog, I try to channel his attention to her in a more positive way - getting him to throw her toys (which she likes) and having him put her food in her bowl each day/give her a treat.

If I were you I wouldn't get a dog because of your son. You need to get a dog because the family wants one and you're prepared to love and care for one. And if you do get one, given what you know about your son, you're going to have to be hyper-vigilant to make sure that he's not bothering the dog too much. Dogs get easily overwhelmed and you have no idea whether the dog you will end up with will have the temperament to withstand the constant pestering.

[Anonymous]

We have an Old English Sheepdog (OES) and our 15 month old goes up to him every day and cuddles with him. OES are very patient and a breed known for being good with kids.
Granted, I don't leave them together unattended (and you don't sound like you would either) but I'm all for it. It sounds like you know the amount of work that goes into having a dog. Our dog and baby are BFF and it brings us so much joy to see them playing together. I can't speak for other breeds, but OES are truly wonderful with kids. I say go for it!

[Anonymous]

Get a gerbil or a rabbit.

[Anonymous]

OK, sounds like most people think it's a bad idea. I was thinking a larger/mid-sized breed like a lab or, oddly enough, an English Sheep Dog (my grandparents had one), or a standard poodle. Definitely something that wouldn't get smooshed.

I see videos of people rolling around with these dogs all the time. Is that not really the case? Is it not specific to the breed, but just the individual dog?

I wasn't thinking he would have unfettered access to the dog for touching, but more that a dog might like having a kid like that around because the dog would want that kind of attention, and the result would be less touching of everyone else.

We are teaching appropriate boundaries, but as a PP said, this is his "love languages," and if I can find a way to help him get what he needs while still curbing his encroachment on other people's space, I'd like to do that. I thought a dog might help a lot.

[Anonymous]

Please read this first:
http://www.npr.org/2016/04/30/476212898/lets-not-hug-it-out-with-our-dogs

Dogs are WONDERFUL for FAMILIES with children, but you are considering one for all the wrong reasons. You run the risk of ruining a perfectly good dog and the risk of having a child getting bitten by one. There is no breed that is more likely to appreciate hugs, though there are some less likely to bite in response to being subjected to over-exuberant children. I encourage you to read more about dogs, dog behavior, and dogs with children before going down this road. Patricia McConnell is a good place to start (The Other End of the Leash).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, sounds like most people think it's a bad idea. I was thinking a larger/mid-sized breed like a lab or, oddly enough, an English Sheep Dog (my grandparents had one), or a standard poodle. Definitely something that wouldn't get smooshed.

I see videos of people rolling around with these dogs all the time. Is that not really the case? Is it not specific to the breed, but just the individual dog?

I wasn't thinking he would have unfettered access to the dog for touching, but more that a dog might like having a kid like that around because the dog would want that kind of attention, and the result would be less touching of everyone else.

We are teaching appropriate boundaries, but as a PP said, this is his "love languages," and if I can find a way to help him get what he needs while still curbing his encroachment on other people's space, I'd like to do that. I thought a dog might help a lot.

If your child needs a service dog, then get a service dog who has been selected, raised, trained and has a temperament that fits what you require.

Don't get a family pet with the intent of it being a tool to reduce your annoyance. It's unfair to the animal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 3.5 yo DS is like yours. We have a dog (who we had before we had DS). We are very fortunate that ours is a wonderfully sweet and patient cockapoo.

Almost on a daily basis I've had to separate DS from the dog because he's bothering her way too much and she's getting to the end of her rope. I'm not afraid that she will bite him (she hasn't come close in all this time), but she has tried to dominate him (hump) to get him to lay off. Sometimes I let her do it to teach DS that she's saying "no".

I keep hoping that as he grows he will chill out a bit and be less relentless with her (hugging on her constantly, grabbing her, etc.), but I keep a close eye on him with her nonetheless. When he's getting to pesty with the dog, I try to channel his attention to her in a more positive way - getting him to throw her toys (which she likes) and having him put her food in her bowl each day/give her a treat.

If I were you I wouldn't get a dog because of your son. You need to get a dog because the family wants one and you're prepared to love and care for one. And if you do get one, given what you know about your son, you're going to have to be hyper-vigilant to make sure that he's not bothering the dog too much. Dogs get easily overwhelmed and you have no idea whether the dog you will end up with will have the temperament to withstand the constant pestering.

You should not be surprised when one day, out of the blue, your dog bites your child. For the sake of the dog, your child, and your family, please do not assume that just because she hasn't done so yet that she won't. I've seen this happen with both Cocker Spaniels and Poodles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3.5 yo DS is like yours. We have a dog (who we had before we had DS). We are very fortunate that ours is a wonderfully sweet and patient cockapoo.

Almost on a daily basis I've had to separate DS from the dog because he's bothering her way too much and she's getting to the end of her rope. I'm not afraid that she will bite him (she hasn't come close in all this time), but she has tried to dominate him (hump) to get him to lay off. Sometimes I let her do it to teach DS that she's saying "no".

I keep hoping that as he grows he will chill out a bit and be less relentless with her (hugging on her constantly, grabbing her, etc.), but I keep a close eye on him with her nonetheless. When he's getting to pesty with the dog, I try to channel his attention to her in a more positive way - getting him to throw her toys (which she likes) and having him put her food in her bowl each day/give her a treat.

If I were you I wouldn't get a dog because of your son. You need to get a dog because the family wants one and you're prepared to love and care for one. And if you do get one, given what you know about your son, you're going to have to be hyper-vigilant to make sure that he's not bothering the dog too much. Dogs get easily overwhelmed and you have no idea whether the dog you will end up with will have the temperament to withstand the constant pestering.

You should not be surprised when one day, out of the blue, your dog bites your child. For the sake of the dog, your child, and your family, please do not assume that just because she hasn't done so yet that she won't. I've seen this happen with both Cocker Spaniels and Poodles.

+1

I suspect your dog is giving lots of stress cues that show she is uncomfortable (yawning, licking lips, whale eye, turning head away) and as PP nots, it may only be a matter of time before she lashes out in her own defence. So many people play innocent and gasp "but she's never given any indication that she would bite!", when all the while, their dog was slowly reaching the end of her rope. The problem is then, they end up euthanized because people can't have a dog that bites around children, when the real problem is how the child was allowed to treat the dog.

[Anonymous]

Umm no. This sounds awful for the dog. Kids need to be trained how to act appropriately around dogs.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We do not have a dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, sounds like most people think it's a bad idea. I was thinking a larger/mid-sized breed like a lab or, oddly enough, an English Sheep Dog (my grandparents had one), or a standard poodle. Definitely something that wouldn't get smooshed.

I see videos of people rolling around with these dogs all the time. Is that not really the case? Is it not specific to the breed, but just the individual dog?

I wasn't thinking he would have unfettered access to the dog for touching, but more that a dog might like having a kid like that around because the dog would want that kind of attention, and the result would be less touching of everyone else.

We are teaching appropriate boundaries, but as a PP said, this is his "love languages," and if I can find a way to help him get what he needs while still curbing his encroachment on other people's space, I'd like to do that. I thought a dog might help a lot.

You're right, you do see those videos all the time. Any dog trainer worth 2 cents will tell you that the dogs are displaying extreme stress signals. Lip licking, yawning, ears back, "whale eyes", panting, stiff body language, etc. Owners just don't know how to read their dogs' language.

The next step when the signals are ignored is often the dog growling, because it doesn't know how else to get its point across. Then the dog is yelled at for growling, so it stops. Finally, the dog will sometimes resort to biting, because it just wants to be left alone, and the people aren't getting it. Then the dog is handed over to a shelter as a bite risk, or euthanized for "aggression". In reality, the signs were there all along that the dog was unhappy, but people were ignoring them.

DO NOT LET A CHILD ROLL AROUND WITH A DOG.