Dog for a touchy-feely 4 year old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please read this first:
http://www.npr.org/2016/04/30/476212898/lets-not-hug-it-out-with-our-dogs

Dogs are WONDERFUL for FAMILIES with children, but you are considering one for all the wrong reasons. You run the risk of ruining a perfectly good dog and the risk of having a child getting bitten by one. There is no breed that is more likely to appreciate hugs, though there are some less likely to bite in response to being subjected to over-exuberant children. I encourage you to read more about dogs, dog behavior, and dogs with children before going down this road. Patricia McConnell is a good place to start (The Other End of the Leash).

that study was bullshit (the researcher just looked at a couple hundred photos on Flickr and made some observations). that said, a lot of dogs don't like being hugged - so that part is right.

i would reach out to some local rescue groups and ask them if they have any dogs who are "bulletproof" - meaning nothing fazes them. explain your situation and ask their recommendations. they might have one who is actually really needy and wants to be on top of people all the time, who also likes kids - you might find yourself with a perfect match.

these groups use foster homes, which gives them a good sense of a dog's actual personality, so that's the way to go - there's no one breed who is better or worse with very clingy kids.

No rescue group worth their salt would adopt into this situation. What happens in a year when kid outgrows his touchiness and dog is left with mom who doesn't really like that kind of dog? They are there to service the needs of the dogs that need rehoming, not the family who simply wants a dog so their kid will annoy them less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please read this first:
http://www.npr.org/2016/04/30/476212898/lets-not-hug-it-out-with-our-dogs

Dogs are WONDERFUL for FAMILIES with children, but you are considering one for all the wrong reasons. You run the risk of ruining a perfectly good dog and the risk of having a child getting bitten by one. There is no breed that is more likely to appreciate hugs, though there are some less likely to bite in response to being subjected to over-exuberant children. I encourage you to read more about dogs, dog behavior, and dogs with children before going down this road. Patricia McConnell is a good place to start (The Other End of the Leash).

that study was bullshit (the researcher just looked at a couple hundred photos on Flickr and made some observations). that said, a lot of dogs don't like being hugged - so that part is right.

i would reach out to some local rescue groups and ask them if they have any dogs who are "bulletproof" - meaning nothing fazes them. explain your situation and ask their recommendations. they might have one who is actually really needy and wants to be on top of people all the time, who also likes kids - you might find yourself with a perfect match.

these groups use foster homes, which gives them a good sense of a dog's actual personality, so that's the way to go - there's no one breed who is better or worse with very clingy kids.

No rescue group worth their salt would adopt into this situation. What happens in a year when kid outgrows his touchiness and dog is left with mom who doesn't really like that kind of dog? They are there to service the needs of the dogs that need rehoming, not the family who simply wants a dog so their kid will annoy them less.

that's just not true. i work in rescue; the more progressive groups don't take this mistrustful, everything's going to get screwed up stance. they will look at this family, and if possible try to make a good match. the alternative is that dogs get killed in shelters, while you wait for the "perfect" home to never arrive.

[Anonymous]

OP, the Pets forum is odd, populated by a lot of people who don't like pets and a lot of people who have very "modern" views of dogs. There are lots of dogs and lots of breeds, both large and small, that love children, love cuddling, are protective and safe. There are lots of dogs that are happy to hug and snuggle, and others that are happy to wrestle, although not usually both in the same dog.

I am most familiar with labs and goldens and many of them would be a good fit -- although not all. There are lots of other breeds to consider as well. I won't tell you it's a bad idea, as long as your 4 year old is respectful as well as huggy. You might find an adult dog that would be perfect from a rescue/foster, or you might want to look at getting a puppy from a good breeder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I get it. Bad idea.

But the videos I was talking about are of adults playing with their dogs, tugging on a toy and rolling around, the dog jumping up to lick them, the dog jumping on the bed or into their laps. Things like this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1098646/Adorable-video-dogs-greeting-owners.html

I was not thinking of letting my son do whatever to the dog. I was thinking that the dog also might want something my son has, which is an abundance of physical love. I do not want a dog on top of me or jumping up to greet me. DS would love that. It sounds like this is a dog-specific preference and not a breed-specific preference, so we could end up with a dog which isn't into that kind of play even if we chose carefully.

Fair enough. We'll abandon the dog idea at least until the kids are older.

OP, I do know you're trying to do some thing awesome for your son, while maybe levelling the playing field in your house to make his needs less annoying.

The thing is, a dog WILL greet you like the video you posted. They are likely to climb up on the couch to snuggle. But - it's not the full day, all day, every day like your son seems to need. My dog will greet me as though I left to Tahiti for a year even if I've only been in the front yard for 5 minutes. She needs to be in a direct line of sight with me if at all possible. But, she's not very cuddly and hands on most of the time. For your son, a dog like this would likely be confusing as she needs to be Right.There at all times, but doesn't want actual physical contact save for maybe touching me with her toe.

I know you get it, but I posted the Rottie video to illustrate that most dogs are VERY tolerant to what makes them very comfortable, but it's not a good situation for the dog. Their cues are so subtle that if you don't understand them, you can easily miss how unhappy they are. So it's not a matter of your son "doing anything" to the dog - it's the fact that whatever he is doing, that may seem reasonable to you, may not be reasonable to the dog at all, and are an injury boiling just below the surface. Here's another good example, this time from Animal Planet (that they missed). The narrative doesn't talk about all the cues (again, the whale eye is one you can't miss in this) but she does a pretty good job:

https://youtu.be/JxMPCy10-sw

Just googled dogs' whale eye. Is this the canine equivalent of the side eye? . Couldn't resist.

[Anonymous]

I concur with all of the others that advise a dog is not the solution. But I do have a son who is just like yours and suggest you Google sensory seeking behavior. This book is the bible of understanding sensory differences http://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Child-Carol-Kranowitz/dp/0399531653


I applaud your searching for an outlet for your son.

[Anonymous]

I just disagree that a dog is a bad for for this kid. Not all dogs would be great - but he is at a perfect age to learn how to act with dogs, and to grow up with a dog. He just needs a dog who loves kids, and who is also kind of needy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3.5 yo DS is like yours. We have a dog (who we had before we had DS). We are very fortunate that ours is a wonderfully sweet and patient cockapoo.

Almost on a daily basis I've had to separate DS from the dog because he's bothering her way too much and she's getting to the end of her rope. I'm not afraid that she will bite him (she hasn't come close in all this time), but she has tried to dominate him (hump) to get him to lay off. Sometimes I let her do it to teach DS that she's saying "no".

I keep hoping that as he grows he will chill out a bit and be less relentless with her (hugging on her constantly, grabbing her, etc.), but I keep a close eye on him with her nonetheless. When he's getting to pesty with the dog, I try to channel his attention to her in a more positive way - getting him to throw her toys (which she likes) and having him put her food in her bowl each day/give her a treat.

If I were you I wouldn't get a dog because of your son. You need to get a dog because the family wants one and you're prepared to love and care for one. And if you do get one, given what you know about your son, you're going to have to be hyper-vigilant to make sure that he's not bothering the dog too much. Dogs get easily overwhelmed and you have no idea whether the dog you will end up with will have the temperament to withstand the constant pestering.

You should not be surprised when one day, out of the blue, your dog bites your child. For the sake of the dog, your child, and your family, please do not assume that just because she hasn't done so yet that she won't. I've seen this happen with both Cocker Spaniels and Poodles.

B/c those are breeds that bite. There are lots of dogs like labs who don't. We have a Harrier Hound and he doesn't bite or bark! Ever! He saved our son who is depressed and went through a suicidal phase. The love of our dog saved him. Dogs like Viszla's love families, as do some other breeds. Mostly larger breeds. Definitely not smaller ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a gerbil or a rabbit.

Terrible idea. Rabbits hate being manhandled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3.5 yo DS is like yours. We have a dog (who we had before we had DS). We are very fortunate that ours is a wonderfully sweet and patient cockapoo.

Almost on a daily basis I've had to separate DS from the dog because he's bothering her way too much and she's getting to the end of her rope. I'm not afraid that she will bite him (she hasn't come close in all this time), but she has tried to dominate him (hump) to get him to lay off. Sometimes I let her do it to teach DS that she's saying "no".

I keep hoping that as he grows he will chill out a bit and be less relentless with her (hugging on her constantly, grabbing her, etc.), but I keep a close eye on him with her nonetheless. When he's getting to pesty with the dog, I try to channel his attention to her in a more positive way - getting him to throw her toys (which she likes) and having him put her food in her bowl each day/give her a treat.

If I were you I wouldn't get a dog because of your son. You need to get a dog because the family wants one and you're prepared to love and care for one. And if you do get one, given what you know about your son, you're going to have to be hyper-vigilant to make sure that he's not bothering the dog too much. Dogs get easily overwhelmed and you have no idea whether the dog you will end up with will have the temperament to withstand the constant pestering.

You should not be surprised when one day, out of the blue, your dog bites your child. For the sake of the dog, your child, and your family, please do not assume that just because she hasn't done so yet that she won't. I've seen this happen with both Cocker Spaniels and Poodles.

B/c those are breeds that bite. There are lots of dogs like labs who don't. We have a Harrier Hound and he doesn't bite or bark! Ever! He saved our son who is depressed and went through a suicidal phase. The love of our dog saved him. Dogs like Viszla's love families, as do some other breeds. Mostly larger breeds. Definitely not smaller ones.

'Breeds that bite'. Seriously? This is one of the most ignorant statements I have heard.
Any dog is capable of biting if pushed too far. Even the so called gentle breeds. Children should be taught to respect a dog's boundaries, just as a dog should be trained about his position in the pack.