S/O - The reason men rape?

[Anonymous]

In light of Brock Turner, this guy, Matt Lang wrote this on Facebook:
"I've been drunk many times, even in the presence of promiscuous women who were also drunk, and I managed not to rape them, so I don't think drinking and promiscuity are the problems.

This here is the problem: some guys are entitled pricks, and they're entitled pricks because their fathers and coaches and friends taught them to be entitled pricks. Because they are entitled pricks, they think they can have whatever they want, and that their worth is defined by what they have and what they take.

Alcohol has this capacity to unlock what, deep down, we've always wanted to do. For me, that means, occasionally, running naked in places I probably shouldn't, like through libraries or deserts (remember for next time: deserts=cactuses). But even at my most intoxicated, I've never lost sight of the fact that rape is wrong, because I was raised to know it's wrong. No amount of alcohol can depress that value.

Brock Turner and his ilk were never taught that. They were taught that they can have what they want, when they want, including women. And that's called being a man. Brock Turner thought he was entitled to a little "action" any way he could get it, and he thought that long before he got drunk. The alcohol didn't introduce that thought, it unlocked it. That thought: "I can take whatever I want, including her", was planted and watered by a whole, rotten village.

It is right that we shame him, and his father, and the friend that came to his defense, and the judge, and every other entitled prick we meet.

Just as importantly, we need to love our boys, and teach them the dignity of the body, and how to live through disappointment and confusion, and how to navigate confusing feelings, and how to separate feelings from action, and how to communicate and listen. We need to redefine for them what it is to be a man, that their worth doesn't come from that which they have and take."

He brings up a great point about entitlement.

Do you think entitlement could be a huge reason why you hear so much about "rape culture" on college campuses? With the "everyone gets a trophy" mentality we have been raising kids with for the past 10-20 years, is this a result?

I know sexual assault, rape, etc. have existed for a long time, but this is an interesting perspective on it. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

That was probably one of the most enlightening things I've read on this situation so far. Thank you for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Thank you. This is what I will show my son after I have him read the Stanford victims letter. And the fathers statement.

[Anonymous]

Damn this is right on. I went to an elite private college in the northeast. There were TONS of these guys there. Some of the things that happened to women on campus were definitely criminal. But were never reported as such - because the women felt such shame.......

[Anonymous]

Yes. Thank you for sharing. It has been so upsetting to see so much of the blame directed towards the women. This post also rings true to my personal experience.

[Anonymous]

The attitude of "entitlement" is pervasive. It is not a "male only" problem, though in this context it clearly manifests that way.

People started to be told that they were "entitled" to various things. That they were owed by society, merely as a result of being alive. You can see this everywhere. From home ownership to being entitled to a 6 figure job.

Unfortunately, and sickeningly, this sense of entitlement has erupted into violence against others. Of course, it could simply be that information just flows more freely, but 34 years ago when I started college, rape and date rape occurred. But certainly not with the prevalence it is reported today and definitely without the seeming sense of impunity with which it is perpetrated.

I hate to sound grandparent-like, but back in those days your frat brothers were far more likely to beat the shit out of you than celebrate you for this behavior.

[Anonymous]

I think OP's title should be "The Reason SOME Men Rape." Because MOST men do not.

[Anonymous]

Yup. It's about power and control. It has nothing to do with feeling turned on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's title should be "The Reason SOME Men Rape." Because MOST men do not.

That caught my eyes too. Women rape also.

[Anonymous]

Is this the face of a man who thinks he's entitled?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this the face of a man who thinks he's entitled?

Apparently, it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's title should be "The Reason SOME Men Rape." Because MOST men do not.

The some is implied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this the face of a man who thinks he's entitled?

yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's title should be "The Reason SOME Men Rape." Because MOST men do not.

OP here - yes, you are absolutely right. If I could change the title, I would. I do not want to demonize ALL men. There are millions of good ones out there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The attitude of "entitlement" is pervasive. It is not a "male only" problem, though in this context it clearly manifests that way.

People started to be told that they were "entitled" to various things. That they were owed by society, merely as a result of being alive. You can see this everywhere. From home ownership to being entitled to a 6 figure job.

Unfortunately, and sickeningly, this sense of entitlement has erupted into violence against others. Of course, it could simply be that information just flows more freely, but 34 years ago when I started college, rape and date rape occurred. But certainly not with the prevalence it is reported today and definitely without the seeming sense of impunity with which it is perpetrated.

I hate to sound grandparent-like, but back in those days your frat brothers were far more likely to beat the shit out of you than celebrate you for this behavior.

So do you think rape has increased, or do you think it is reported more now than it was before? That is what I don't fully know.