S/O - The reason men rape?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never really understood why rape is supposedly all about power either. I've heard it so many times I assume that is correct but it doesn't click for me. In my experience the men who got forceful were trying to have sex. Once I resisted they got more forceful (held my arms down). I'm sure they thought of it as sex I did not of course. But my point is they wanted sex and simply weren't willing to consider the possibility of it not happening. I don't know how that is about power.

Someone was holding your arms down and that doesn't seem like a power issue? First of all, I'm really sorry that happened to you. Secondly, while they wanted sex, it seems to me they also wanted power. They took away control of your body, and you were powerless against that. I'm sorry.

PP was the one who was there, she can draw her own conclusions about what people were doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rape isn't always about power. It's 99% sex. Sex they take from you because they lust after any and all vaginas.

Men would rape each other all day long if they had vaginas.

They are filthy beasts. Only good for a paycheck. And to fix things.

You sound horrid.

+1. I was raped by a man I briefly dated because I ended the relationship to go back to my ex. It was 100% about power and control and belittling me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never really understood why rape is supposedly all about power either. I've heard it so many times I assume that is correct but it doesn't click for me. In my experience the men who got forceful were trying to have sex. Once I resisted they got more forceful (held my arms down). I'm sure they thought of it as sex I did not of course. But my point is they wanted sex and simply weren't willing to consider the possibility of it not happening. I don't know how that is about power.

Someone was holding your arms down and that doesn't seem like a power issue? First of all, I'm really sorry that happened to you. Secondly, while they wanted sex, it seems to me they also wanted power. They took away control of your body, and you were powerless against that. I'm sorry.

PP was the one who was there, she can draw her own conclusions about what people were doing.

I'm the previous poster and I physically knew what happened but as I think I indicated, I didn't understand why it is about power and they were explaining that to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn this is right on. I went to an elite private college in the northeast. There were TONS of these guys there. Some of the things that happened to women on campus were definitely criminal. But were never reported as such - because the women felt such shame.......

Why is it some women DON'T feel shame? When I was a kid an older guy fondled my boobs who was a stranger. I felt VERY embarassed about it and didn't want to tell anyone at school because some kids knew the guy and asked me what happened. The only people I told was my mom who I'm very close to. However now as an adult a cousin was raped at the age I was harassed by that stranger guy. She was raped by a friend but she laughed about her rape while telling a friend of hers and continued dating guys and posting provocative pictures of her body online then she supposedly attempted suicide then she posts pics on her page about the aftermath of it and then all her posts on facebook are about rape basically telling the world or all 2000 people on her facebook that she was raped. I'm starting to think this is just a call for attention and there might not have been a rape. I was touched by a complete stranger and that was embarassing to me and I'd never 'show it off' to anyone.

PP, you ought to be ashamed. Do you know what your cousin sounds like? Someone who was sexually abused as a child. Her reaction sounds very similar to others I have read about when chold hood survivors of sexual abuse are victimized as adults. She may not have been raped, but you can't say she wasn't based solely on your belief that she hasn't shown an appropriate level of shame in your mind.

Also from what I know there wasn't any childhood sexual abuse before she claimed rape. She's from a loving upright family but since her and brother are in the same school (a VERY top rated school and in the honor roll) and already started drinking I think maybe it's just the company they are in. Maybe it's even cultural. I don't know.

Why would you. You seem very ill informed about sexual abuse. Kids in upright loving families are getting molested every day. Look at the Duggars.

Maybe that poor, laughing girl was trying to get her power back? Promiscuity is actually a pretty typical response to rape. Not everyone manifests pain similarly. You should re-think your judgement here. To me, it looks like she tried any number of ways to make it better. Didn't the woman from the Stanford situation write about finding her identity? Sounds like your cousin is/was grasping for the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In light of Brock Turner, this guy, Matt Lang wrote this on Facebook:
"I've been drunk many times, even in the presence of promiscuous women who were also drunk, and I managed not to rape them, so I don't think drinking and promiscuity are the problems.

This here is the problem: some guys are entitled pricks, and they're entitled pricks because their fathers and coaches and friends taught them to be entitled pricks. Because they are entitled pricks, they think they can have whatever they want, and that their worth is defined by what they have and what they take.

Alcohol has this capacity to unlock what, deep down, we've always wanted to do. For me, that means, occasionally, running naked in places I probably shouldn't, like through libraries or deserts (remember for next time: deserts=cactuses). But even at my most intoxicated, I've never lost sight of the fact that rape is wrong, because I was raised to know it's wrong. No amount of alcohol can depress that value.

Brock Turner and his ilk were never taught that. They were taught that they can have what they want, when they want, including women. And that's called being a man. Brock Turner thought he was entitled to a little "action" any way he could get it, and he thought that long before he got drunk. The alcohol didn't introduce that thought, it unlocked it. That thought: "I can take whatever I want, including her", was planted and watered by a whole, rotten village.

It is right that we shame him, and his father, and the friend that came to his defense, and the judge, and every other entitled prick we meet.

Just as importantly, we need to love our boys, and teach them the dignity of the body, and how to live through disappointment and confusion, and how to navigate confusing feelings, and how to separate feelings from action, and how to communicate and listen. We need to redefine for them what it is to be a man, that their worth doesn't come from that which they have and take."

He brings up a great point about entitlement.

Do you think entitlement could be a huge reason why you hear so much about "rape culture" on college campuses? With the "everyone gets a trophy" mentality we have been raising kids with for the past 10-20 years, is this a result?

I know sexual assault, rape, etc. have existed for a long time, but this is an interesting perspective on it. Thoughts?

I think this may be true for date rape, but what I've always been curious about is what drives stranger rape. The kind where a man waits in an alley for any easy victim that comes along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: PP, you ought to be ashamed. Do you know what your cousin sounds like? Someone who was sexually abused as a child. Her reaction sounds very similar to others I have read about when chold hood survivors of sexual abuse are victimized as adults. She may not have been raped, but you can't say she wasn't based solely on your belief that she hasn't shown an appropriate level of shame in your mind.

Also from what I know there wasn't any childhood sexual abuse before she claimed rape. She's from a loving upright family but since her and brother are in the same school (a VERY top rated school and in the honor roll) and already started drinking I think maybe it's just the company they are in. Maybe it's even cultural. I don't know.

OMG! You do realize that abuse and incest can -- and DO -- happen in "loving upright" families right? What is the matter with you?!?

OMG! DID YOU READ! the post I made after? I SAID that the family wouldn't be doing a thorough investigation if they were to blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rape isn't always about power. It's 99% sex. Sex they take from you because they lust after any and all vaginas.

Men would rape each other all day long if they had vaginas.

They are filthy beasts. Only good for a paycheck. And to fix things.

You sound horrid.

+ 1. And also uniformed.

I call troll.

[Anonymous]

I signed a petition to throw out the judge. He is the kind of moron that encourages entitled jerks to rape.

https://www.change.org/p/california-state-house-recall-judge-aaron-persky?recruiter=46033011&utm_source=petitions_share&utm_medium=copylink

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In light of Brock Turner, this guy, Matt Lang wrote this on Facebook:
"I've been drunk many times, even in the presence of promiscuous women who were also drunk, and I managed not to rape them, so I don't think drinking and promiscuity are the problems.

This here is the problem: some guys are entitled pricks, and they're entitled pricks because their fathers and coaches and friends taught them to be entitled pricks. Because they are entitled pricks, they think they can have whatever they want, and that their worth is defined by what they have and what they take.

Alcohol has this capacity to unlock what, deep down, we've always wanted to do. For me, that means, occasionally, running naked in places I probably shouldn't, like through libraries or deserts (remember for next time: deserts=cactuses). But even at my most intoxicated, I've never lost sight of the fact that rape is wrong, because I was raised to know it's wrong. No amount of alcohol can depress that value.

Brock Turner and his ilk were never taught that. They were taught that they can have what they want, when they want, including women. And that's called being a man. Brock Turner thought he was entitled to a little "action" any way he could get it, and he thought that long before he got drunk. The alcohol didn't introduce that thought, it unlocked it. That thought: "I can take whatever I want, including her", was planted and watered by a whole, rotten village.

It is right that we shame him, and his father, and the friend that came to his defense, and the judge, and every other entitled prick we meet.

Just as importantly, we need to love our boys, and teach them the dignity of the body, and how to live through disappointment and confusion, and how to navigate confusing feelings, and how to separate feelings from action, and how to communicate and listen. We need to redefine for them what it is to be a man, that their worth doesn't come from that which they have and take."

He brings up a great point about entitlement.

Do you think entitlement could be a huge reason why you hear so much about "rape culture" on college campuses? With the "everyone gets a trophy" mentality we have been raising kids with for the past 10-20 years, is this a result?

I know sexual assault, rape, etc. have existed for a long time, but this is an interesting perspective on it. Thoughts?

No. I think the entitlement problem existed long before the "everyone gets a trophy" mentality. I'd argue that things today are marginally better than they were in the past, because more boys are genuinely more enlightened. In part because of things like "everyone gets a trophy" and the empathy and inclusiveness that teaches.

This. I'm a woman in my mid forties. I have numerous friends who have been sexually harassed, abused, assaulted, and raped. None of them reported it because we lived in a society that blamed women, instead of their attackers.

I think the men who do these things do not respect women-- Anyone who who looks at another person who is so drunk they cannot stand and sees a potential sex partner, has no respect or empathy. They do not see that person as having a sovereign right to their own body or any care for that person's dignity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rape isn't always about power. It's 99% sex. Sex they take from you because they lust after any and all vaginas.

Men would rape each other all day long if they had vaginas.

They are filthy beasts. Only good for a paycheck. And to fix things.

You sound horrid.

+ 1. And also uniformed.

I call troll.

There's a lot of pain in that post. I'm sorry that life brought you to this, PP. I hope you find peace with whatever has happened to you. Sadly, there are many women out there who would agree with the PP. I was raped, once, years ago, and consider myself lucky to have only had this one really terrible experience. Don't discount the feelings of posters whose life experience is something you don't share. We have no idea what made this PP react this way. I imagine brutality brought her to it.

[Anonymous]

I just don't understand what joy a man would get out of having sex with a woman who is unconscious. This happens a lot - not just in Brock Turner's case.

I think you have to be sick in the head that you get pleasure off of humping someone who is passed out cold.