S/O - The reason men rape?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn this is right on. I went to an elite private college in the northeast. There were TONS of these guys there. Some of the things that happened to women on campus were definitely criminal. But were never reported as such - because the women felt such shame.......

Why is it some women DON'T feel shame? When I was a kid an older guy fondled my boobs who was a stranger. I felt VERY embarassed about it and didn't want to tell anyone at school because some kids knew the guy and asked me what happened. The only people I told was my mom who I'm very close to. However now as an adult a cousin was raped at the age I was harassed by that stranger guy. She was raped by a friend but she laughed about her rape while telling a friend of hers and continued dating guys and posting provocative pictures of her body online then she supposedly attempted suicide then she posts pics on her page about the aftermath of it and then all her posts on facebook are about rape basically telling the world or all 2000 people on her facebook that she was raped. I'm starting to think this is just a call for attention and there might not have been a rape. I was touched by a complete stranger and that was embarassing to me and I'd never 'show it off' to anyone.

PP, you ought to be ashamed. Do you know what your cousin sounds like? Someone who was sexually abused as a child. Her reaction sounds very similar to others I have read about when chold hood survivors of sexual abuse are victimized as adults. She may not have been raped, but you can't say she wasn't based solely on your belief that she hasn't shown an appropriate level of shame in your mind.

Also from what I know there wasn't any childhood sexual abuse before she claimed rape. She's from a loving upright family but since her and brother are in the same school (a VERY top rated school and in the honor roll) and already started drinking I think maybe it's just the company they are in. Maybe it's even cultural. I don't know.

Why would you. You seem very ill informed about sexual abuse. Kids in upright loving families are getting molested every day. Look at the Duggars.

Her family wouldn't be doing a thorough investigation if they were to blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The attitude of "entitlement" is pervasive. It is not a "male only" problem, though in this context it clearly manifests that way.

People started to be told that they were "entitled" to various things. That they were owed by society, merely as a result of being alive. You can see this everywhere. From home ownership to being entitled to a 6 figure job.

Unfortunately, and sickeningly, this sense of entitlement has erupted into violence against others. Of course, it could simply be that information just flows more freely, but 34 years ago when I started college, rape and date rape occurred. But certainly not with the prevalence it is reported today and definitely without the seeming sense of impunity with which it is perpetrated.

I hate to sound grandparent-like, but back in those days your frat brothers were far more likely to beat the shit out of you than celebrate you for this behavior.

So do you think rape has increased, or do you think it is reported more now than it was before? That is what I don't fully know.

I think there's been a normalization of sex outside of a relationship that wasn't there even as recently as the 25 years ago when I was in college. I think that expectation combined with the attitude of entitlement discussed by the author has probably led to an increase in these situations, above and beyond any increase in reports.

There was no hookup culture when I was in college. Some guys wanted sex, others didn't. It wasn't assumed, or obligatory, or casual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The attitude of "entitlement" is pervasive. It is not a "male only" problem, though in this context it clearly manifests that way.

People started to be told that they were "entitled" to various things. That they were owed by society, merely as a result of being alive. You can see this everywhere. From home ownership to being entitled to a 6 figure job.

Unfortunately, and sickeningly, this sense of entitlement has erupted into violence against others. Of course, it could simply be that information just flows more freely, but 34 years ago when I started college, rape and date rape occurred. But certainly not with the prevalence it is reported today and definitely without the seeming sense of impunity with which it is perpetrated.

I hate to sound grandparent-like, but back in those days your frat brothers were far more likely to beat the shit out of you than celebrate you for this behavior.

I don't have time to dig for it right now, but I believe there is evidence that suggests that BOTH the levels of reporting of rape have risen and ALSO the levels of incidence have fallen.

AKA feminism, it worked. Fewer men rape than they used to, and more women are empowered to report it. Still a long way to go, though.

[Anonymous]

Same thing here. Not a peep from the feminists and liberals about this rape culture. Or what happened in Cologne.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rotherham_child_sexual_exploitation_scandal

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2015_Cologne_Sexual_Attacks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In light of Brock Turner, this guy, Matt Lang wrote this on Facebook:
"I've been drunk many times, even in the presence of promiscuous women who were also drunk, and I managed not to rape them, so I don't think drinking and promiscuity are the problems.

This here is the problem: some guys are entitled pricks, and they're entitled pricks because their fathers and coaches and friends taught them to be entitled pricks. Because they are entitled pricks, they think they can have whatever they want, and that their worth is defined by what they have and what they take.

Alcohol has this capacity to unlock what, deep down, we've always wanted to do. For me, that means, occasionally, running naked in places I probably shouldn't, like through libraries or deserts (remember for next time: deserts=cactuses). But even at my most intoxicated, I've never lost sight of the fact that rape is wrong, because I was raised to know it's wrong. No amount of alcohol can depress that value.

Brock Turner and his ilk were never taught that. They were taught that they can have what they want, when they want, including women. And that's called being a man. Brock Turner thought he was entitled to a little "action" any way he could get it, and he thought that long before he got drunk. The alcohol didn't introduce that thought, it unlocked it. That thought: "I can take whatever I want, including her", was planted and watered by a whole, rotten village.

It is right that we shame him, and his father, and the friend that came to his defense, and the judge, and every other entitled prick we meet.

Just as importantly, we need to love our boys, and teach them the dignity of the body, and how to live through disappointment and confusion, and how to navigate confusing feelings, and how to separate feelings from action, and how to communicate and listen. We need to redefine for them what it is to be a man, that their worth doesn't come from that which they have and take."

He brings up a great point about entitlement.

Do you think entitlement could be a huge reason why you hear so much about "rape culture" on college campuses? With the "everyone gets a trophy" mentality we have been raising kids with for the past 10-20 years, is this a result?

I know sexual assault, rape, etc. have existed for a long time, but this is an interesting perspective on it. Thoughts?

No. I think the entitlement problem existed long before the "everyone gets a trophy" mentality. I'd argue that things today are marginally better than they were in the past, because more boys are genuinely more enlightened. In part because of things like "everyone gets a trophy" and the empathy and inclusiveness that teaches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same thing here. Not a peep from the feminists and liberals about this rape culture. Or what happened in Cologne.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rotherham_child_sexual_exploitation_scandal

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2015_Cologne_Sexual_Attacks

I think feminists and liberals have enough to worry about here in the United States of America than to start tackling these problems in other parts of the world. Try to stay on topic. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Rape isn't always about power. It's 99% sex. Sex they take from you because they lust after any and all vaginas.

Men would rape each other all day long if they had vaginas.

They are filthy beasts. Only good for a paycheck. And to fix things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same thing here. Not a peep from the feminists and liberals about this rape culture. Or what happened in Cologne.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rotherham_child_sexual_exploitation_scandal

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2015_Cologne_Sexual_Attacks

I think feminists and liberals have enough to worry about here in the United States of America than to start tackling these problems in other parts of the world. Try to stay on topic. Thanks.

Quite similar to what the PP experienced. She got raped by a muslim man who substantiated it due to his culture. Crickets from the DCUM crowd. After looking for a whipping boy and turning up empty handed with the UVA hoax, they finally found Brock Turner. Rape culture is vindicated at last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rape isn't always about power. It's 99% sex. Sex they take from you because they lust after any and all vaginas.

Men would rape each other all day long if they had vaginas.

They are filthy beasts. Only good for a paycheck. And to fix things.

You sound horrid.

[Anonymous]

I've never really understood why rape is supposedly all about power either. I've heard it so many times I assume that is correct but it doesn't click for me. In my experience the men who got forceful were trying to have sex. Once I resisted they got more forceful (held my arms down). I'm sure they thought of it as sex I did not of course. But my point is they wanted sex and simply weren't willing to consider the possibility of it not happening. I don't know how that is about power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never really understood why rape is supposedly all about power either. I've heard it so many times I assume that is correct but it doesn't click for me. In my experience the men who got forceful were trying to have sex. Once I resisted they got more forceful (held my arms down). I'm sure they thought of it as sex I did not of course. But my point is they wanted sex and simply weren't willing to consider the possibility of it not happening. I don't know how that is about power.

People are saying that Turner is a violent rapist, who wanted power and control, not sex. He started out wanting sex -- did he flipped a switch at some point, or was it all about sex to him? It seems to me that he just wanted sex and didn't stop when he should have.

I can see that some rape is only or mostly about power. But a lot of acquaintance rape seems to be about sex.

[Anonymous]

Rape is about power because it is the physical taking of something that in many men's minds, women have the sole "control" of. A lot of these men could have consensual sex with someone else, but instead choose to take something that they perceive they can't have becaus the woman is unwilling to give it. That's the attraction and the control that is a turn on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: PP, you ought to be ashamed. Do you know what your cousin sounds like? Someone who was sexually abused as a child. Her reaction sounds very similar to others I have read about when chold hood survivors of sexual abuse are victimized as adults. She may not have been raped, but you can't say she wasn't based solely on your belief that she hasn't shown an appropriate level of shame in your mind.

Also from what I know there wasn't any childhood sexual abuse before she claimed rape. She's from a loving upright family but since her and brother are in the same school (a VERY top rated school and in the honor roll) and already started drinking I think maybe it's just the company they are in. Maybe it's even cultural. I don't know.

OMG! You do realize that abuse and incest can -- and DO -- happen in "loving upright" families right? What is the matter with you?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never really understood why rape is supposedly all about power either. I've heard it so many times I assume that is correct but it doesn't click for me. In my experience the men who got forceful were trying to have sex. Once I resisted they got more forceful (held my arms down). I'm sure they thought of it as sex I did not of course. But my point is they wanted sex and simply weren't willing to consider the possibility of it not happening. I don't know how that is about power.

Someone was holding your arms down and that doesn't seem like a power issue? First of all, I'm really sorry that happened to you. Secondly, while they wanted sex, it seems to me they also wanted power. They took away control of your body, and you were powerless against that. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same thing here. Not a peep from the feminists and liberals about this rape culture. Or what happened in Cologne.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rotherham_child_sexual_exploitation_scandal

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2015_Cologne_Sexual_Attacks

I think feminists and liberals have enough to worry about here in the United States of America than to start tackling these problems in other parts of the world. Try to stay on topic. Thanks.

Quite similar to what the PP experienced. She got raped by a muslim man who substantiated it due to his culture. Crickets from the DCUM crowd. After looking for a whipping boy and turning up empty handed with the UVA hoax, they finally found Brock Turner. Rape culture is vindicated at last.

"Rape culture" can only be used when describing athletes, frat guys or other white college guys. When there is an actual rape culture involving minorities or another religion you are not allowed to use it because you are racist.