Mother gets pissed when I talk about improving my looks

[Anonymous]

I'm in my 40s, and want to get Botox for the first time, and do a few other things to
fight aging. Nothing too huge, but I have the money and time, why not take care of myself a bit. I'm not vain, just an average looking mom, who wants to look nice in my 40s. Anytime I mention this to my mom, or she notices I'm ordering salad instead of a burger, or that I'm working out in a new way, she gets so angry! She starts yelling at me about how she's old and look at her body and what am I worried about. She says I'm selfish.

When I was a kid she'd get mad anytime I talked about my looks. Like we were competing or something, it was so odd. She's not gorgeous or high maintenance or anything, but is just an average weight/height, colors her hair, wears some makeup but nothing excessive. As a teenager when I worried about my frizzy hair or acne she'd get pissed. I had this blemish on my cheek that kept bleeding off and on for 2 years. Looked horrible. I got made fun of. I begged to go to the dermatologist and she'd act like I was being ridiculously vain. My dad finally took me, turned out it was skin cancer and had to be removed. She didn't say anything about it.

I love my mom. But this side of her is just so frustrating. Am I so horrible for wanting to look my best? I'm not a beauty by any stretch, but I stay in shape and look decent. My mom works out regularly and gets her hair done, eats well, but isn't extreme about anything. I think she looks great for 68. I know it's just hard for her to see herself age. Unfortunately this is straining our friendship. What can I do? She's so nasty to me about it, and it's not like I can hide what I order. I've started avoiding being around her. Talking to her directly wouldn't work with her, she'd just get angry and defensive.

[Anonymous]

You do sound vain and she sounds like a great mom.

[Anonymous]

Why talk to her about it if you know it upsets her or pulls out her bad side? If you want Botox, do it. Don't talk to her about workouts. If you order a salad just tell her you don't feel like eating a burger. You are a grown ass woman, so stop seeking her approval or input on your decisions. Own it.

Ignoring the bleeding growth on your cheek is horrible, and it sounds like she has some deep seated issues with looks. You aren't going to change that at 68, so stand up for yourself and talk to her about less sensitive topics like politics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do sound vain and she sounds like a great mom.

NP here. So the part where her face was bleeding from skin cancer for two years and her mom refused to take her to a doctor = OP is vain/her mom is a great mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do sound vain and she sounds like a great mom.

A great mom who let a cancerous cell fester on her child's face for two years while the child was also being picked on at school about this running sore on her face? That is not a great mom to me.

OP fix your face, your hair and whatever else tou want to do. Your life, your body and your prerogative. Good luck looking fabulous!

[Anonymous]

OP seems to want to believe her mom is jealous, I don't think that's the case. I think her mom thinks she should be content with her looks.

Yes, she should have taken her to the dermatologist. So, we all make mistakes. Maybe she downplayed it because OP is vain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP seems to want to believe her mom is jealous, I don't think that's the case. I think her mom thinks she should be content with her looks.

Yes, she should have taken her to the dermatologist. So, we all make mistakes. Maybe she downplayed it because OP is vain.

Wow, you're really going to bat for the mom who let a kid's cancer go unchecked for two years! I guess you're the same sort of mom?

[Anonymous]

Who knows what happened with the bleeding face. The pediatrician missed it for two years too? Or perhaps OP is obsessed with her looks and her mother has tried diligently to get to stop focusing on it.

OP, it doesn't sound like your mom is jealous. It sounds more like she is irritated because you can't stop talking about how you are doing this, that and the other thing to try to look younger. She may be trying to help you age gracefully. Since it seems to be a sore subject for both of you why not talk about something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who knows what happened with the bleeding face. The pediatrician missed it for two years too? Or perhaps OP is obsessed with her looks and her mother has tried diligently to get to stop focusing on it.

OP, it doesn't sound like your mom is jealous. It sounds more like she is irritated because you can't stop talking about how you are doing this, that and the other thing to try to look younger. She may be trying to help you age gracefully. Since it seems to be a sore subject for both of you why not talk about something else.

OR her mother is a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who knows what happened with the bleeding face. The pediatrician missed it for two years too? Or perhaps OP is obsessed with her looks and her mother has tried diligently to get to stop focusing on it.

OP, it doesn't sound like your mom is jealous. It sounds more like she is irritated because you can't stop talking about how you are doing this, that and the other thing to try to look younger. She may be trying to help you age gracefully. Since it seems to be a sore subject for both of you why not talk about something else.

OR her mother is a bitch.

I love how PP is twisting herself into knots attempting to justify the cancer thing. There's absolutely no way the mom holds any responsibility, right? It was DEFINITELY that OP's vanity--as a child!--drove her to it.

[Anonymous]

I have a very simple answer. Find something else to talk about with your mom.

[Anonymous]

Just do what you want but why bring it up in front of your mom. You are 40 ffs.

[Anonymous]

Given your age I can't see how this is a problem. You're over 21; do whatever you want and tell her or not as you please.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Ignore the troll.

Your mother definitely has a problem, and you should ignore her and most importantly for the future, NOT TELL HER STUFF! I know that's hard because parents are supposed to be there for you no matter what. It's what I have to do with my own mother, who waited 5 years to take me to the dermatologist for really bad acne and told me I was too sensitive and fussy. It did a number on my self-esteem as a teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just do what you want but why bring it up in front of your mom. You are 40 ffs.

Sounds like OP is trying to press her mom's buttons.