Married to or living with partner who is messy when you are neat/organized

[Anonymous]

I prefer things neat, clean, organized. DH is messy and unorganized. We both WOH. Have 3 young kids. DH does load/unload the dishwasher - but leaves food in the sink when done with that and doesn't wipe counter. When I do dishes, I also wipe the counters and clean the sink. I end up cleaning the table and sweeping the floor after every meal. When I head to work before DH and he feeds the kids before school, I come home to a mess on the table and food/crumbs that have been on the floor all day. DH never thinks to change the sheets or towels. His mail and other papers are all over the house. Dresser piled high with his stuff. I try to keep things organized but am trying to accept DH is the way he is. We have a cleaning crew come every other week which helps some. If you are in a similar situation - how do you keep from getting frustrated and accept that things are the way they are?

[Anonymous]

I remind myself that if I lived alone, divorced, I would do it anyway. That I am doing it to make me happy, not him. And then I restrict him from messing things up with idle threats.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are like this. I pile all of his shit (clean clothes, dirty clothes, mail, etc) inside of his walk in closet and close the door. I don't care as long as it is out of guest sight. He will get to it and clean it out. The dishes I don't care, or about wiping down the counter tops. It doesn't need to be done every time. However, the crumbs will remain on the floor until he cleans it up. I am not his maid and I won't hire one. He is capable

[Anonymous]

Someone will always be messier than the other and/or not pull their weight in the house.
In our house, DH is the oblivious one and I'm the noticing one. Not that I'm a neat-freak! I'm just a little less messy than DH

I clean the common areas and mine. I tell him to make his workspace and plant-growing area presentable when we have company over. He's the early riser and cooks breakfast (without cleaning up or anything), and does all the yard work. I do the house, which is more work on a daily basis.

It is what it is. You need to work out some agreement with him then everyone needs to do their assigned part.

[Anonymous]

Good luck OP. I vacillate between cleaning up his stuff and ignoring it (and being embarrassed when we have company).

[Anonymous]

This is my life and having outside cleaners really helps. DH knows he has to neaten up for the cleaning person. Beyond that, I've surrendered certain zones of the house and just put them out of my mind. Draw some clear lines about what is or is not acceptable and then let the rest go.

My husband has other positive qualities so this is not a deal breaker for me.

[Anonymous]

I like leaving breadcrumbs on the counter just to gage a reaction from my SO...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I prefer things neat, clean, organized. DH is messy and unorganized. We both WOH. Have 3 young kids. DH does load/unload the dishwasher - but leaves food in the sink when done with that and doesn't wipe counter. When I do dishes, I also wipe the counters and clean the sink. I end up cleaning the table and sweeping the floor after every meal. When I head to work before DH and he feeds the kids before school, I come home to a mess on the table and food/crumbs that have been on the floor all day. DH never thinks to change the sheets or towels. His mail and other papers are all over the house. Dresser piled high with his stuff. I try to keep things organized but am trying to accept DH is the way he is. We have a cleaning crew come every other week which helps some. If you are in a similar situation - how do you keep from getting frustrated and accept that things are the way they are?

Can you leave him a list? He just may not even think to clean the table and sweep up the crumbs. Why not jut ASK him to change the sheets/towels?

[Anonymous]

We have an every other week cleaner and then we meet in the middle. The cleaner came every week when the kids were younger. I pick up more than I am inclined and he puts up with more disorder than he would like. It has worked 21+ years. I am closer to Mrs. Wesley than Mrs. Dursley.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remind myself that if I lived alone, divorced, I would do it anyway. That I am doing it to make me happy, not him. And then I restrict him from messing things up with idle threats.

I will steal this advice!

[Anonymous]

I tasked him with teaching the kids how to clear the table, sweep, etc.
I don't really know though. I do know that he drives my parents crazy when we come to visit though too. So it's not just me.

[Anonymous]

I am the DW and the messy one in our relationship. Things worked better when we lived elsewhere and could afford to have a housecleaner. I do think my DH becomes really frustrated with me, but I have different standards and don't need for everything to be sparking clean unless company is coming. I just think it is too much work for too little result.

It is what it is. Get him to do some other tasks that he either enjoys more or is willing to do and clean up some of the other areas he can't seem to keep clean.

[Anonymous]

Tell him what you expect regarding 'cleaning the dishes' if you haven't already. To me, cleaning the dishes is just that and doesn't involve wiping the counter or sweeping under the table. He may think the same and have no idea you have a problem with what he's doing.

[Anonymous]

OP I've been married 18 years now. When I gave up trying to train my DH, I became much happier.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have moved in with him had he been messy. I can't deal with that.