Married to or living with partner who is messy when you are neat/organized

[Anonymous]

Housecleaner. Once every two weeks everyone has to pick up, the house is neat and clean, and I'm happy. It stays in reasonable shape for a week, and then heads downhill, but I cope, because it will be neat and clean soon. That way, I don't resent constantly cleaning up behind him (and kids). Plus-- cheaper than marriage counseling or divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the DW and the messy one in our relationship. Things worked better when we lived elsewhere and could afford to have a housecleaner. I do think my DH becomes really frustrated with me, but I have different standards and don't need for everything to be sparking clean unless company is coming. I just think it is too much work for too little result.

It is what it is. Get him to do some other tasks that he either enjoys more or is willing to do and clean up some of the other areas he can't seem to keep clean.

Same here. My DH is very neat and wants everything organized, but it's hard for me to maintain this with kids & dog. If he gave me a list I would resent that hardcore. Divide stuff up? I cook, he cleans kitchen after. Maybe he can cook & you can clean? He needs to wipe up after breakfast though!

[Anonymous]

I have this relationship with my messy, unorganized Dh. (And our two boys that follow in Daddy's footsteps)

I've learned over the years, if you can't beat em then join em.

I keep all of my things neat- my side of the bed, my side of the closet, my dresser, etc. but..

I don't do his laundry or pick up his stuff. Stuff on the floor, I step over and try not to look down. The stuff he leaves in the sink, I look away. His socks on the floor, I kick them under the sofa. His towel in the bathroom, I kick to his side of the closet or use the step over and down look down method.

He's not allowed in the guest room or my office.

We have a cleaner 1x week that I pay at an above average rate.

[Anonymous]

don't look down, not down look down^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I've been married 18 years now. When I gave up trying to train my DH, I became much happier.

So what did you do? All of the housekeeping? Chore chart?

[Anonymous]

I am living this too. My spouse likes to cook without doing the dishes. Likes to eat the last of something without getting more. Likes to turn on lights without turning them off. Is always too tired to take out the trash or recycling. I blame it on only child syndrome...

[Anonymous]

I was raised an only child PP and was raised doing all the chores since I had no one to divide them with.

I grew up in a messy house, yet my bedroom was always neat as a pin.

Now... I am a bona fide neat nik.
Everything has to be neat, clean + organized or I feel off and it distracts everything in my mind.

I believe that an organized external world keeps ones inner self more on point. Lacking the chaos from disorder, one can live in peace.

Therefore I make sure to wipe down my vacuum cleaner weekly and clean my Windex bottle daily.

J/K.

It would be so tough to live under the same roof with someone who was disorganized and unclean.

I'm with you on doing dishes, it should be a given that the floor should be swept up, counters wiped down if needed.
It's all inclusive of keeping the kitchen orderly, presentable and pest-free.

But since you chose to marry him, choose your battles with care.
Being married takes serious compromise and this is a perfect example of just that.

[Anonymous]

This drives me crazy. I just went to get myself a cup of coffee before the kids get up, and DH clearly made himself a pb&j for breakfast. Bread, pb, and jelly are still out. Toaster is out. There are crumbs on the counter. I had to clean it up before I could do anything else.

[Anonymous]

I'm quite messy and DH is a clean freak. We've met somewhere in the middle but I feel I spend too much time tidying and he feels we are living in filth despite his best efforts. We make it work but it can be difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I've been married 18 years now. When I gave up trying to train my DH, I became much happier.

This a million times. Sometimes DH complains about my "staff" - cleaning people, yard work, handyman, etc. But if he isn't going to pitch in, then that is where the $$ goes. I still have to do big purges every other year with our cleaning lady and calling a junk hauler. It pains me that my kids are more like him than me though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm quite messy and DH is a clean freak. We've met somewhere in the middle but I feel I spend too much time tidying and he feels we are living in filth despite his best efforts. We make it work but it can be difficult.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This drives me crazy. I just went to get myself a cup of coffee before the kids get up, and DH clearly made himself a pb&j for breakfast. Bread, pb, and jelly are still out. Toaster is out. There are crumbs on the counter. I had to clean it up before I could do anything else.

I'm the same way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm quite messy and DH is a clean freak. We've met somewhere in the middle but I feel I spend too much time tidying and he feels we are living in filth despite his best efforts. We make it work but it can be difficult.

Same here.

Another DW here. My even messier sister married and even bigger neat freak DH. There are arguments, we joke about our DH's. I have a biweekly cleaner.

I should add that I am not a total slob. I have extremely organized closets and I don't let things pile up too much. Always throwing recycling out and managing our kids' stuff so it doesn't overwhelm is. DH never does that stuff and left to his devices our place may appear clean, but just because he stuffed everything in the closet and shut the door. So I like to think we balance each other out.