We're thinking about having a second but it would mean our two children would be seven years apart, at minimum. Anyone out there have experience with sibs this far apart? What worked? What didn't? Were they friends when they were younger? Are they friends now? Thanks for the insights and advice! |
Youngest is 9, then 12, then 21, then oldest is 24.
The two youngest still say one of the highlights of their lives were flying across the country for siblings weekends at college. I think that really shifted their relationships for the better. When the two youngest were little, I had a nanny who helped with them and I spent more time with the older ones after school. Any time I asked the older kids to babysit the younger ones they were free to say no, and if they did babysit, they got paid. When the older ones had friends over, I let the little ones say hi for a few minutes, and then kept them away. |
My brother and I are 9 years apart. We were friendly, but not "friends." I'm pretty sure he thinks of me like an aunt.
I also left for college across the country at 18, and never came back for more than a week or two, so we had very few years of being together in any meaningful sense. Our parents also kind of suck, though, so no one was happy in that house. We might not have been closer even if our ages had been closer. |
Sorry to hear that but thanks for reflecting and sharing rationally about it all. I wonder too if being of the same sex would have helped? Not that I can choose! |
Thanks for this solid pieces of advice. Very useful! |
My brother and I are 7 years apart and get along really well but, like the PP said, we are not really "friends" since I left for college when he was only 10 and didn't come back for extended periods of time. However, we have a lot in common with similar personalities--we have the same sense of humor, a lot of the same interests and sensibilities--so I think we'll likely become closer as we get older. Right now, he's only 22, is single, working odd jobs since graduating college and doesn't really have anything figured out in regards to future plans or career goals. Meanwhile, I am approaching 30, married, with a kid and thinking about having another kid, have been to graduate school and had a successful career before having our kid so my brother and I are just at very different places in our lives (and we also live in different states).
Pros: *the older kid gets plenty of time to get all the benefits of being an only--all the 1 on 1 attention, etc. *the older kid is old enough and presumably responsible enough to actually help out w/ the baby and in a few years they can actually babysit (I started babysitting at age 11, when my brother was 4) *you get to really relive the baby phase/all the phases again and can actually take the time to enjoy them since your older kid is in school and has activities and such. This would be a pro for me because I am loving the baby-toddler stage personally as a parent and I think if you have your kids closer together it would be harder to really enjoy/appreciate these stages since you're so bogged down in them *you won't have to pay 2 college tuitions at once. You won't be an empty nester once your first leaves and will then get lots of one on one time w/ your second/youngest after the older ones leaves *you will just have one teenager at a time ![]() I won't do the cons because you get the picture...but basically, the only major downside in my opinion is that your kids may not wind up being as close as kids/adolescents/young adults since they'll always be at such different stages. But, they may not be close anyway even if they are close in age so it's never a guarantee that your kids will be best friends no matter their age difference. |
Thanks for this tremendously thoughtful reply. Your pros list is great!! |
My brother and I are 7 years apart and he and my sister are also 7 years apart. None of us were close growing up and that hasn't really changed into adulthood. My mother often comments that she felt like her life was Groundhog Day in that she had so many years of young kids and being tied down I guess. |
Wow, that's really a spread between sibs! Thanks for your input, I appreciate it. |
I have sisters that are 10, 12, 17, and 20 years younger than me. I'm sisterly close with the two nearest in age - particularly the one who is 12 years my junior. We are a lot alike and are in the same industry now -- so we have a lot in common.
The younger set I have more of a wise aunt relationship with them. |
My kids have a very large age gap - 22 years. My oldest is on her own, but lives in the same town and visits often. They are close and adore each other. I include her in his life as much as possible and don't have her as a default care giver (so I don't ask her to watch after her little brother).
I have multiple siblings (Brother - 2 years younger, Brother - 8 years older, Sister 10 years older, Brother 12 years older). I am closest with my little brother and my older sister. |
My brother and I are 6 years apart. We were very close when we were little, then less so during my moody teenage years. My parents worked late hours so I took care of him when we were little and picked him up from school when I was old enough to drive. We spent most of our days together. We are less close now but that is due to my leaving for college in another state and settling down there, I think, and not our age difference. Neither of us are phone people, but we chat frequently online, text, and do Facetime every weekend with my 14 month old. My DH has a sister that lives nearby. They are two years apart and when they are together, they squabble constantly and it's like they've both regressed to eight year olds (calling each other retards, telling each other to shut up, etc.)
I do think of myself more of a BigSister than just a sister to my brother, and he vacillates between asking me for advice and being contrary just to be rebellious. He does still talk to me and takes my advice more than he will from my parents, and they will often call to ask me for advice about him, or ask me to talk to him. I still have very fond memories of us playing together with our stuffed animals and making up elaborate stories about them--and both of us kind of half thinking they were alive. When Toy Story came out it really spoke to us, and we watched all the sequels together as adults. If we lived in the same state I'm pretty sure we would be quite close, but I'm sure there will still be that little bit of distance that comes from us being in different stages of life, which will then lessen as he gets older and starts a family too. |
I have a little brother that's almost 10 years younger. I adored him when he was little, since I was at the perfect age to want to babysit/mother someone (my parents were older by that point, so definitely leaned on me a fair amount, but did pay me for any while-they-were-out-of-the-house babysitting). After being out of the house for college/grad school/life, I obviously didn't see him that much from when he was 8 onwards, so we had more like a friendly cousins relationship when we did see each other a few times a year. Now that we're both adults, we get along well, but we're still not really "peers" even though I now have a few friends where there's a similar age gap; the historical context makes it impossible. |
My sisters (twins) are 7 years older than me. We were pretty close when I was a kid--I definitely have good memories of them playing with me, reading to me, etc. But of course I did my fair share of being the bratty younger sister too.
They left for college when I was 10, and then were far away after college, so I was frozen as a child in their heads for a long time and they didn't really talk to me like an adult. Now we all live far away (Seattle, Boston, DC) and don't see each other very often. We get along fine, but we're not the kind of family that talks all the time or are super bonded. But my sisters rarely talk to each other, and they're twins so it's not an age thing I don't think. I would say I get along with each of them better than they get along with each other (they're very similar and bicker constantly). |
I have girls, 8 years apart. They are surprisingly close to be 4 and 12. The 12 year old plays with the 3 year old, who adores her sister. |