Possible I just ID'd the other woman I didn't know existed at first sight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, she did not strike me as particularly slutty when I met her. She was dressed normally and all. But interesting viewing as I FB stalk her today.

You are being very efficient, OP.

[Anonymous]

We weren't married, but I dated someone for six years. As things started to unravel, at least from my end, he took up with a new interest and at one point mentioned this woman that was part of that group. I knew immediately he was cheating, didn't care since a. we weren't married, and b. it made me feel better when it was time to split (i.e. he would be OK). He confirmed later that were "now" dating.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Sixth sense is how I caught my ex.

Listen to your gut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your reaction means something, for sure.

+1

[Anonymous]

You are probably right OP. But affairs happen and it doesn't necessarily mean the end of your marriage. Agree with a PP - you can't begin the long road to repairing marriage until he ends it though.

My H had an affair. We had kids so we at least needed to figure out how to be civil and move on one way or the other. We separated for a year and we did marriage therapy for 2 years and he did individual too for a bit. We worked it out and actually ended up with a better marriage but took a long time to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. Women always know.

+1

[Anonymous]

If you don't care he is cheating. And you are thinking about cheating. Why not just have an open marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't care he is cheating. And you are thinking about cheating. Why not just have an open marriage?

The funny thing is that HE would never go for that. He's SUPER judgey about cheaters. Has cut off friends before who cheat. It's also not that I want to cheat myself, but I miss intimacy and feeling really loved and appreciated by someone. I'm sure he does, too, and I could see if someone came along and piled on the flirting and made a connection, it would be tempting.

Really, it's not the cheating that bothers me as much as the bigger sin that we have lost our closeness and if there is cheating that has gone on it's just a result of that.

Also, my gut tells me that he's not actively cheating now but probably has hooked up with this woman in the past when things were even worse between us -- he may still be, I don't know and either way it doesn't make a huge difference. But things have getting better between us and we've both been vowing to recommit to each other, and in fact it's why we went out together last night and I came along to this interest of his.

Bottom line is that rather than put my energy into an open marriage and finding other guys to date, it'd be awesome if I could make a happier life with the guy who is the father of my children and lives under my roof every day. I really don't judge open marriage, I just don't know where I'd find the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't care he is cheating. And you are thinking about cheating. Why not just have an open marriage?

The funny thing is that HE would never go for that. He's SUPER judgey about cheaters. Has cut off friends before who cheat. It's also not that I want to cheat myself, but I miss intimacy and feeling really loved and appreciated by someone. I'm sure he does, too, and I could see if someone came along and piled on the flirting and made a connection, it would be tempting.

Really, it's not the cheating that bothers me as much as the bigger sin that we have lost our closeness and if there is cheating that has gone on it's just a result of that.

Also, my gut tells me that he's not actively cheating now but probably has hooked up with this woman in the past when things were even worse between us -- he may still be, I don't know and either way it doesn't make a huge difference. But things have getting better between us and we've both been vowing to recommit to each other, and in fact it's why we went out together last night and I came along to this interest of his.

Bottom line is that rather than put my energy into an open marriage and finding other guys to date, it'd be awesome if I could make a happier life with the guy who is the father of my children and lives under my roof every day. I really don't judge open marriage, I just don't know where I'd find the time.

Has it not occurred to you that the cheating is the CAUSE and not the result of losing your "closeness"?

[Anonymous]

I had this kind of intuition about the other woman. I was grocery shopping early one morning and ran into my now-ex-spouses coworker. I knew her and liked and said hi, and in the moment she saw me and recognized me this look flashed over her face of total guilt and fear. At the time, I had no idea what to make of it and never said anything, because that would have been crazy, jealous wife territory. A year and half later I found out they were having an affair that had been a long time emotional affair before it turned physical.

[Anonymous]

Always now when DH is having an EA. He plays Patsy Cline songs. LOL!

[Anonymous]

Yes. Never underestimate your gut feeling. We can rationalize things away with out minds, but out gut feeling in the moment is usually spot on. Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

How hard can you. E working on your marriage if he is cheating and you don't care?

[Anonymous]

absolutely OP. 90% of human communication is non-verbal. It's not a 6th sense per say but your brain picking up on non-verbal signals. Listen to that - you have figured something out without question.

Good luck. Remember that statistically he will lie about it. So it might be hard to pin down.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely trust your gut, OP. I had a very similar experience, and it turned out I was on target. Also pay attention to the thoughts and ideas that pop into your mind, seemingly out of the blue, when you first wake up. I get insights that way that have always turned out to be correct.