Really want to reach out to ex boyfriend - college reunion

[Anonymous]

It's a milestone college reunion year for us, and I keep thinking of him. Not in a relationship-y or even sexual way, but more out of curiosity and good wishes. My whole college experience is really enmeshed with him, as we dated the entire. time. - and he was just a huge part of my life. I really hope he is well, and I'd love to catch up if he's ever in DC. I mean he was my best friend for four years. I'm in a happy marriage with kids and have done well for myself, and am genuinely curious as to what he's up to.

Would it be weird if I reached out with a friendly email? Just sort of a "hey, was thinking about you with all of the reunion stuff, here's what i'm up to, would love to hear what you're up to" kind of thing.

For context, we are facebook friends and my life is public enough, so I'm sure he knows what I'm up to. He's one of those people who post once every two years, so that's why I'm kind of curious. Also, we kept in pretty close touch for about four years post college, and then just stopped talking out of the blue. I was in his city randomly for work a year later and sent him a facebook message to see if he wanted to get together, and he was busy. Did not act particularly interested. So that's sort of why I feel weird making contact, but this is someone I was so close to for so long...... what does DCUM think?

[Anonymous]

Leave it be.

Also, what would your husband think?

[Anonymous]

Ask yourself how you would feel if your DH contacted his long-term ex girlfriend from college. Would you be fine with it? Would you want to know all the details? There's your answer.

[Anonymous]

Are you going to your reunion? If so, you could send him a message asking if he's going, but outside of that specific purpose, I think a "hey, I was thinking about you" message is very easily misinterpreted.

Who broke up with who in the end? Any chance there are still hurt feelings?

[Anonymous]

Also if he's married, you could be rocking the boat. Why not just talk to him at the reunion?

[Anonymous]

As a wife, I'd be upset if you reached out to my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask yourself how you would feel if your DH contacted his long-term ex girlfriend from college. Would you be fine with it? Would you want to know all the details? There's your answer.

Not to mention how this would look right before the reunion. Are spouses going?

[Anonymous]

OP, I get this. I had a college bf who I still care for, in the sense that I want him to be happy in life, but who I am not interested in being romantically linked to EVER again. We were not a good fit long term. The last time I reached out to him (when he got engaged, to say congrats, I'd just gotten married) he didn't respond. So even though he's had two kids since then, I haven't reached out again. I wasn't sure my contact was welcome, or if his wife was ok with it, and didn't want to be making him uncomfortable. I had broken up with him, and it was the right choice (I think he knew that too, but never would have ended it) and so I keep that in mind. Would I want someone who dumped me reaching out asking about my life? Errr, maybe not.

Do you have mutual friends? Could you ask one of them if he's going to the reunion? If not, I don't think I'd reach out. I'd keep the fond memories, think well of him, and then get together with your other friends and have a blast.

[Anonymous]

He is not married according to Facebook. I am pretty sure he is single.

Reunion has come and gone. Neither of us went (assuming he didn't go, he wasn't on the list of attendees).

My husband would not be happy about this contact.

He broke up with me, but it was mutual. No hurt feelings. We probably talked weekly, some weeks daily, for four years post breakup. He gave me a lot of professional advice, I gave him a lot of dating advice. I got married during that period.

[Anonymous]

You're thinking about cheating. It's WRONG. Stop it.

[Anonymous]

Oh, no. No no no. Not be rude but if he wanted you to know how he was doing, then you would know. The fact that you've reached out before and been brushed off is another red flag. Pretty clear he isn't interested in catching up. Just say hello if/when you see him at the reunion. Don't be the clingy ex that can't take a hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is not married according to Facebook. I am pretty sure he is single.

Reunion has come and gone. Neither of us went (assuming he didn't go, he wasn't on the list of attendees).

My husband would not be happy about this contact.

He broke up with me, but it was mutual. No hurt feelings. We probably talked weekly, some weeks daily, for four years post breakup. He gave me a lot of professional advice, I gave him a lot of dating advice. I got married during that period.

That is your answer.

[Anonymous]

If you're facebook friends then you already know what he's been up to and how he's doing.

[Anonymous]

If you looked up the phrase "looking for" or "borrowing trouble", this scenario would be a perfect example.

[Anonymous]

Bad idea, OP. One of the harsh realities of break ups is that sooner or later most ex's fade from your life, even those you parted on good terms with. Appreciate and treasure your memories, but leave them where they belong, in the past.