2nd grade girl drama - start with teacher or counselor?

[Anonymous]

A girl in my DD's class is causing a lot of misery, not just to my DD but to a few others also, whose mother's I have spoken to. How do I best proceed?

Here are some of the issues:
Telling people where they can/cannot sit at lunch
Telling people who they can/cannot be friends with
Openly encouraging some (nice) girls to leave other girls out
She sometimes pushes my DD in order to stand between my DD and the girl she doesn't want my DD standing with

This mostly happens at lunch/recess when adults aren't as close by.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, we went through the exact same situation. I started by talking to the mom I knew best. That helped. Then I reached out to the mom of the bully daughter with an email about what was going on. I phrased it as nicely as I could and positioned it as a passing phase. To my shock, she never responded. This is someone I see on a regular day and to this day she never speaks of it, although I heard she was angry I didn't approach her first. She's one of these people who is very particular in her preferences. It seemed that the issue subsided for a while and then it resurfaced again. This time, I was smart enough not to contact any parents. I just contacted the school and explained the situation. They held a couple counseling sessions for the girls. Et voila. No more problems and the girls worked it out. For now.

[Anonymous]

How old are you kids? Can't they work it out themselves? Why do you need to be involved?

[Anonymous]

Neither. I would work on building up your daughter's skills of speaking up for herself and her friends and not letting anyone boss her around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you kids? Can't they work it out themselves? Why do you need to be involved?

Reading isn't exactly your strong suit, is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither. I would work on building up your daughter's skills of speaking up for herself and her friends and not letting anyone boss her around.

I am working on this. But it's not going to happen overnight and in the meantime this girl is being awful to her. I will contact the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you kids? Can't they work it out themselves? Why do you need to be involved?

Why is it wrong to want to help your kid? I see this all the time on dcum and I don't understand.

[Anonymous]

The girls need to sort this out on their own. It can't hurt to check in with the teacher, especially if you think seating arrangements should be changed. It's hard to watch your kid struggle, but this is life. Talk openly with your daughter and let her do the same. Let her know that yes, the other girl's behavior is awful, but try to help her figure out how to deal. I do role-plays with my 2nd grader to help her practice how she wants to approach this kind of thing, and she seems to find that helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A girl in my DD's class is causing a lot of misery, not just to my DD but to a few others also, whose mother's I have spoken to. How do I best proceed?

Here are some of the issues:
Telling people where they can/cannot sit at lunch
Telling people who they can/cannot be friends with
Openly encouraging some (nice) girls to leave other girls out
She sometimes pushes my DD in order to stand between my DD and the girl she doesn't want my DD standing with

This mostly happens at lunch/recess when adults aren't as close by.

Sounds like they are doing it when the teacher isn't around because the teacher probably doesn't tolerate it. Bring it to the teacher's attention so she can address it with the class or group involved, pull in the counselor who will likely set up a lunch session with the party's involved. It's the end of year so unless it reaches new highs just ask that they are separated going into the next grade when the dynamics will shift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The girls need to sort this out on their own. It can't hurt to check in with the teacher, especially if you think seating arrangements should be changed. It's hard to watch your kid struggle, but this is life. Talk openly with your daughter and let her do the same. Let her know that yes, the other girl's behavior is awful, but try to help her figure out how to deal. I do role-plays with my 2nd grader to help her practice how she wants to approach this kind of thing, and she seems to find that helpful.

+100

Life is tough. It's very helpful to learn how to deal with these things early on. There are no parents around to fix your problems at your first job, there are no "safe spaces."

[Anonymous]

This happened to my daughter in 2nd grade and it is eeril familiar to what my daughter went through . The bully also did not allow anyone to talk to my daughter. I did not call any parents . I did listen to my daughter and tried to be supportive of her. I wanted her to realize early on that there will always be people out in the world like this. Girls can be very nasty! I see this same shit at my place of employ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girls need to sort this out on their own. It can't hurt to check in with the teacher, especially if you think seating arrangements should be changed. It's hard to watch your kid struggle, but this is life. Talk openly with your daughter and let her do the same. Let her know that yes, the other girl's behavior is awful, but try to help her figure out how to deal. I do role-plays with my 2nd grader to help her practice how she wants to approach this kind of thing, and she seems to find that helpful.

+100

Life is tough. It's very helpful to learn how to deal with these things early on. There are no parents around to fix your problems at your first job, there are no "safe spaces."

But she should reach out for help and support (as she has done) and report wrong doers to people in authority. I keep thinking about that poor firefighter woman. Why did she suffer alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girls need to sort this out on their own. It can't hurt to check in with the teacher, especially if you think seating arrangements should be changed. It's hard to watch your kid struggle, but this is life. Talk openly with your daughter and let her do the same. Let her know that yes, the other girl's behavior is awful, but try to help her figure out how to deal. I do role-plays with my 2nd grader to help her practice how she wants to approach this kind of thing, and she seems to find that helpful.

+100

Life is tough. It's very helpful to learn how to deal with these things early on. There are no parents around to fix your problems at your first job, there are no "safe spaces."

On the other hand, if people taught the mean kids that they can't be mean and get away with it, then nicer kids wouldn't have to find "safe spaces." They start out as normal kids who aren't corrected, then they turn into mean kids and then, obviously, into mean adults. Mean people suck.

[Anonymous]

I recommend that you reach out to the school counselor. My DC was being picked on on the bus and I did the whole role play, work it our yourself, etc. What a huge mistake on my part because DC's confidence really took a hit. I realized it is my job to have his back at all times. I spoke to the counselor and she resolved the issue within 48 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recommend that you reach out to the school counselor. My DC was being picked on on the bus and I did the whole role play, work it our yourself, etc. What a huge mistake on my part because DC's confidence really took a hit. I realized it is my job to have his back at all times. I spoke to the counselor and she resolved the issue within 48 hours.

Yeah, the counselors are really skilled. And they don't have a "such is life" attitude, either. They take care of it.