2nd grade girl drama - start with teacher or counselor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girls need to sort this out on their own. It can't hurt to check in with the teacher, especially if you think seating arrangements should be changed. It's hard to watch your kid struggle, but this is life. Talk openly with your daughter and let her do the same. Let her know that yes, the other girl's behavior is awful, but try to help her figure out how to deal. I do role-plays with my 2nd grader to help her practice how she wants to approach this kind of thing, and she seems to find that helpful.

+100

Life is tough. It's very helpful to learn how to deal with these things early on. There are no parents around to fix your problems at your first job, there are no "safe spaces."

But she should reach out for help and support (as she has done) and report wrong doers to people in authority. I keep thinking about that poor firefighter woman. Why did she suffer alone?

There's a difference between bullying and drama. Bullying should be reported and the school should step in. IMO, drama is something kids need to learn to navigate and it gets best resolved when kids know how to stand up for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Part of kids learning to stand up for themselves is learning to ask for help when needed. In this case, your daughter should bring it to the teacher's attention, and let her know that other kids are having issues too. Only if the teacher doesn't do anything should you get involved. This hasn't risen to the level of bullying, and until it does, see what you daughter can do. I would bet that she can surprise you if you give her the chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girls need to sort this out on their own. It can't hurt to check in with the teacher, especially if you think seating arrangements should be changed. It's hard to watch your kid struggle, but this is life. Talk openly with your daughter and let her do the same. Let her know that yes, the other girl's behavior is awful, but try to help her figure out how to deal. I do role-plays with my 2nd grader to help her practice how she wants to approach this kind of thing, and she seems to find that helpful.

+100

Life is tough. It's very helpful to learn how to deal with these things early on. There are no parents around to fix your problems at your first job, there are no "safe spaces."

I totally get this but you know what, no, 2nd graders deserve to have safe spaces and know if shit is bad, their mom will support them and help fix it. There's a big difference between doing nothing and micromanaging all interactions, but if my kid is being bullied by another kid and it's causing issues at school, you can bet your ass I'm intervening if I need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of kids learning to stand up for themselves is learning to ask for help when needed. In this case, your daughter should bring it to the teacher's attention, and let her know that other kids are having issues too. Only if the teacher doesn't do anything should you get involved. This hasn't risen to the level of bullying, and until it does, see what you daughter can do. I would bet that she can surprise you if you give her the chance.

Her DD. Did ask for help. She asked her mom for help. She did is by telling her about the situation. That's how little kids ask for help. Keep in mind many, many adults also have problems asking others for help so to say a 2nd grader should be able to do it perfectly is ridiculous and ignores reality.

Yes, the teacher should be contacted as well as the counselor and the principal. Most schools now are very keen on stopping this behavior in the elementary years and the "kids will be kids" attitude had been slowing turning to intervention with the realization that mean kids are kids that need help with social skills and he earlier the better.

When I see parents express things like "let them work it out" or "you are helicoptering" it just says that the parent themselves is afraid. Afraid of confrontation and afraid of acknowledging that their kid might not be the cool, popular kid or the kid who has problem making friends. I also think the parent is the one with low self esteem who can't speak up in behalf of their child. When you as the parent don't model it, your child will not learn it when they are young.

[Anonymous]

This happened with my DD last year in 1st (same pushy girl?). I talked to my DD about options, encouraged her to address it herself, and let her decide. She ended up talking to the pushy girl and nicely said that she still wanted to be friends but it wasn't ok to exclude others. Another girl chimed in too and then pushy girl was nicer after that. Fortunately they are not in the same class this year so much less drama.

Anyway, I strongly feel that situations like this are great opportunities for your child to learn coping skills. If you do talk to the teacher or counselor I'd ask them to help guide your child through the issue instead of just fixing it for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of kids learning to stand up for themselves is learning to ask for help when needed. In this case, your daughter should bring it to the teacher's attention, and let her know that other kids are having issues too. Only if the teacher doesn't do anything should you get involved. This hasn't risen to the level of bullying, and until it does, see what you daughter can do. I would bet that she can surprise you if you give her the chance.

Her DD. Did ask for help. She asked her mom for help. She did is by telling her about the situation. That's how little kids ask for help. Keep in mind many, many adults also have problems asking others for help so to say a 2nd grader should be able to do it perfectly is ridiculous and ignores reality.

Yes, the teacher should be contacted as well as the counselor and the principal. Most schools now are very keen on stopping this behavior in the elementary years and the "kids will be kids" attitude had been slowing turning to intervention with the realization that mean kids are kids that need help with social skills and he earlier the better.

When I see parents express things like "let them work it out" or "you are helicoptering" it just says that the parent themselves is afraid. Afraid of confrontation and afraid of acknowledging that their kid might not be the cool, popular kid or the kid who has problem making friends. I also think the parent is the one with low self esteem who can't speak up in behalf of their child. When you as the parent don't model it, your child will not learn it when they are young.

What the...???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened with my DD last year in 1st (same pushy girl?). I talked to my DD about options, encouraged her to address it herself, and let her decide. She ended up talking to the pushy girl and nicely said that she still wanted to be friends but it wasn't ok to exclude others. Another girl chimed in too and then pushy girl was nicer after that. Fortunately they are not in the same class this year so much less drama.

Anyway, I strongly feel that situations like this are great opportunities for your child to learn coping skills. If you do talk to the teacher or counselor I'd ask them to help guide your child through the issue instead of just fixing it for them.

How do you think the teacher is going to fix it, exactly? She's going to watch what happens and then make the girls talk about it and help them resolve it. Chances are the teacher is going to turn it into a learning experience, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened with my DD last year in 1st (same pushy girl?). I talked to my DD about options, encouraged her to address it herself, and let her decide. She ended up talking to the pushy girl and nicely said that she still wanted to be friends but it wasn't ok to exclude others. Another girl chimed in too and then pushy girl was nicer after that. Fortunately they are not in the same class this year so much less drama.

Anyway, I strongly feel that situations like this are great opportunities for your child to learn coping skills. If you do talk to the teacher or counselor I'd ask them to help guide your child through the issue instead of just fixing it for them.

How do you think the teacher is going to fix it, exactly? She's going to watch what happens and then make the girls talk about it and help them resolve it. Chances are the teacher is going to turn it into a learning experience, too.

So she will bring them together and force the conversation? Or just coach the girls individually on how they should approach it? The pushy girl will know the teacher knows and adjust her behavior accordingly. It's best to let the kids deal with it themselves.

[Anonymous]

The mean kids are messed up inside. They are not being taught how to manage their feelings. There is a reason they're so mean. I don't want my kids to be affected by mean people in life, and I ESPECIALLY don't want them being mean. I want them to be happy. Those mean kids look miserable and angry, and at such a young age. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The mean kids are messed up inside. They are not being taught how to manage their feelings. There is a reason they're so mean. I don't want my kids to be affected by mean people in life, and I ESPECIALLY don't want them being mean. I want them to be happy. Those mean kids look miserable and angry, and at such a young age. Sad.

Yes! The pushy girl in my DD's class said some negative things that she clearly has heard before from an adult. It made me so sad for her.

[Anonymous]

I would normally say kid should work it out on their own but I think of a 2nd grader can't deal with these types of issues without bringing in a parent she must be lacking in social skills and struggling herself. In this case I would think it's okay for a parent to intervene.

I'm a teacher and the issues OP describes are very common and it's rare for a parent to bring this type of thing up to the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of kids learning to stand up for themselves is learning to ask for help when needed. In this case, your daughter should bring it to the teacher's attention, and let her know that other kids are having issues too. Only if the teacher doesn't do anything should you get involved. This hasn't risen to the level of bullying, and until it does, see what you daughter can do. I would bet that she can surprise you if you give her the chance.

Teacher again. Good response and I want to clarify that when I meant kids work it out on their own I meant that many children don't bring in an adult at all but I would also include "working it on on their own" as talking to an adult at school by themselves. I have had plenty of children come to me or go to the counselor themselves to bring up an issue. It is the parent involvement that is unusual for this kind of minor issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of kids learning to stand up for themselves is learning to ask for help when needed. In this case, your daughter should bring it to the teacher's attention, and let her know that other kids are having issues too. Only if the teacher doesn't do anything should you get involved. This hasn't risen to the level of bullying, and until it does, see what you daughter can do. I would bet that she can surprise you if you give her the chance.

Her DD. Did ask for help. She asked her mom for help. She did is by telling her about the situation. That's how little kids ask for help. Keep in mind many, many adults also have problems asking others for help so to say a 2nd grader should be able to do it perfectly is ridiculous and ignores reality.

Yes, the teacher should be contacted as well as the counselor and the principal. Most schools now are very keen on stopping this behavior in the elementary years and the "kids will be kids" attitude had been slowing turning to intervention with the realization that mean kids are kids that need help with social skills and he earlier the better.

When I see parents express things like "let them work it out" or "you are helicoptering" it just says that the parent themselves is afraid. Afraid of confrontation and afraid of acknowledging that their kid might not be the cool, popular kid or the kid who has problem making friends. I also think the parent is the one with low self esteem who can't speak up in behalf of their child. When you as the parent don't model it, your child will not learn it when they are young.

What the...???

No. You are wrong. Pp made some very good points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither. I would work on building up your daughter's skills of speaking up for herself and her friends and not letting anyone boss her around.

Not just this, but also talk about moral courage, and about what she should do when she sees this happening to someone else.

OP, I would only step in if you felt like your daughter is specifically being targeted and ganged up on.

This does not sound like the case. It sounds like she has some potential allies if she has some skills and confidence.

And she has a mom who listens to her and gives her love and moral support. That is worth more than any conversation with the teacher. Send the message to her with your behavior that you know she is resilient and can cope but that it's normal to feel bad when people are a-holes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither. I would work on building up your daughter's skills of speaking up for herself and her friends and not letting anyone boss her around.

Not just this, but also talk about moral courage, and about what she should do when she sees this happening to someone else.

OP, I would only step in if you felt like your daughter is specifically being targeted and ganged up on.

This does not sound like the case. It sounds like she has some potential allies if she has some skills and confidence.

And she has a mom who listens to her and gives her love and moral support. That is worth more than any conversation with the teacher. Send the message to her with your behavior that you know she is resilient and can cope but that it's normal to feel bad when people are a-holes.

This is something I teach my kids are part of teaching them about life, even if everything is fine for them. If they see someone being mean, keep that information tucked away for future use. Not only do I not want them to have mean people as friends -- even if they are nice to my DC -- but they are likely to turn on you sooner or later. Just not the kind of people I want my kids to get used to being around or choosing as friends.