2nd grade girl drama - start with teacher or counselor?

[Anonymous]

I would contact the teacher and the GC simultaneously asking them if they have any ideas for helping this situation.

You can be sure they will come up with something.

Im' sorry your DD is going through this, it stinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of kids learning to stand up for themselves is learning to ask for help when needed. In this case, your daughter should bring it to the teacher's attention, and let her know that other kids are having issues too. Only if the teacher doesn't do anything should you get involved. This hasn't risen to the level of bullying, and until it does, see what you daughter can do. I would bet that she can surprise you if you give her the chance.

Her DD. Did ask for help. She asked her mom for help. She did is by telling her about the situation. That's how little kids ask for help. Keep in mind many, many adults also have problems asking others for help so to say a 2nd grader should be able to do it perfectly is ridiculous and ignores reality.

Yes, the teacher should be contacted as well as the counselor and the principal. Most schools now are very keen on stopping this behavior in the elementary years and the "kids will be kids" attitude had been slowing turning to intervention with the realization that mean kids are kids that need help with social skills and he earlier the better.

When I see parents express things like "let them work it out" or "you are helicoptering" it just says that the parent themselves is afraid. Afraid of confrontation and afraid of acknowledging that their kid might not be the cool, popular kid or the kid who has problem making friends. I also think the parent is the one with low self esteem who can't speak up in behalf of their child. When you as the parent don't model it, your child will not learn it when they are young.

What the...???

No. You are wrong. Pp made some very good points.

Huh? I don't see that at all. The parents I know with that attitude are trying to promote independence for their children. Not that they are afraid of confrontation themselves. On the contrary! The meeker parents are the ones who try to smooth everything over themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither. I would work on building up your daughter's skills of speaking up for herself and her friends and not letting anyone boss her around.

Not just this, but also talk about moral courage, and about what she should do when she sees this happening to someone else.

OP, I would only step in if you felt like your daughter is specifically being targeted and ganged up on.

This does not sound like the case. It sounds like she has some potential allies if she has some skills and confidence.

And she has a mom who listens to her and gives her love and moral support. That is worth more than any conversation with the teacher. Send the message to her with your behavior that you know she is resilient and can cope but that it's normal to feel bad when people are a-holes.

Completely agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of kids learning to stand up for themselves is learning to ask for help when needed. In this case, your daughter should bring it to the teacher's attention, and let her know that other kids are having issues too. Only if the teacher doesn't do anything should you get involved. This hasn't risen to the level of bullying, and until it does, see what you daughter can do. I would bet that she can surprise you if you give her the chance.

Her DD. Did ask for help. She asked her mom for help. She did is by telling her about the situation. That's how little kids ask for help. Keep in mind many, many adults also have problems asking others for help so to say a 2nd grader should be able to do it perfectly is ridiculous and ignores reality.

Yes, the teacher should be contacted as well as the counselor and the principal. Most schools now are very keen on stopping this behavior in the elementary years and the "kids will be kids" attitude had been slowing turning to intervention with the realization that mean kids are kids that need help with social skills and he earlier the better.

When I see parents express things like "let them work it out" or "you are helicoptering" it just says that the parent themselves is afraid. Afraid of confrontation and afraid of acknowledging that their kid might not be the cool, popular kid or the kid who has problem making friends. I also think the parent is the one with low self esteem who can't speak up in behalf of their child. When you as the parent don't model it, your child will not learn it when they are young.

What the...???

I always assume it's the parents of the mean kids who say kids should work it out themselves.
No. You are wrong. Pp made some very good points.

Huh? I don't see that at all. The parents I know with that attitude are trying to promote independence for their children. Not that they are afraid of confrontation themselves. On the contrary! The meeker parents are the ones who try to smooth everything over themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of kids learning to stand up for themselves is learning to ask for help when needed. In this case, your daughter should bring it to the teacher's attention, and let her know that other kids are having issues too. Only if the teacher doesn't do anything should you get involved. This hasn't risen to the level of bullying, and until it does, see what you daughter can do. I would bet that she can surprise you if you give her the chance.

Her DD. Did ask for help. She asked her mom for help. She did is by telling her about the situation. That's how little kids ask for help. Keep in mind many, many adults also have problems asking others for help so to say a 2nd grader should be able to do it perfectly is ridiculous and ignores reality.

Yes, the teacher should be contacted as well as the counselor and the principal. Most schools now are very keen on stopping this behavior in the elementary years and the "kids will be kids" attitude had been slowing turning to intervention with the realization that mean kids are kids that need help with social skills and he earlier the better.

When I see parents express things like "let them work it out" or "you are helicoptering" it just says that the parent themselves is afraid. Afraid of confrontation and afraid of acknowledging that their kid might not be the cool, popular kid or the kid who has problem making friends. I also think the parent is the one with low self esteem who can't speak up in behalf of their child. When you as the parent don't model it, your child will not learn it when they are young.

What the...???

I always assume it's the parents of the mean kids who say kids should work it out themselves.
No. You are wrong. Pp made some very good points.

Huh? I don't see that at all. The parents I know with that attitude are trying to promote independence for their children. Not that they are afraid of confrontation themselves. On the contrary! The meeker parents are the ones who try to smooth everything over themselves.

I always assume it's the parents of the mean kids who say kids should work it out themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of kids learning to stand up for themselves is learning to ask for help when needed. In this case, your daughter should bring it to the teacher's attention, and let her know that other kids are having issues too. Only if the teacher doesn't do anything should you get involved. This hasn't risen to the level of bullying, and until it does, see what you daughter can do. I would bet that she can surprise you if you give her the chance.

Her DD. Did ask for help. She asked her mom for help. She did is by telling her about the situation. That's how little kids ask for help. Keep in mind many, many adults also have problems asking others for help so to say a 2nd grader should be able to do it perfectly is ridiculous and ignores reality.

Yes, the teacher should be contacted as well as the counselor and the principal. Most schools now are very keen on stopping this behavior in the elementary years and the "kids will be kids" attitude had been slowing turning to intervention with the realization that mean kids are kids that need help with social skills and he earlier the better.

When I see parents express things like "let them work it out" or "you are helicoptering" it just says that the parent themselves is afraid. Afraid of confrontation and afraid of acknowledging that their kid might not be the cool, popular kid or the kid who has problem making friends. I also think the parent is the one with low self esteem who can't speak up in behalf of their child. When you as the parent don't model it, your child will not learn it when they are young.

What the...???

I always assume it's the parents of the mean kids who say kids should work it out themselves.
No. You are wrong. Pp made some very good points.

Huh? I don't see that at all. The parents I know with that attitude are trying to promote independence for their children. Not that they are afraid of confrontation themselves. On the contrary! The meeker parents are the ones who try to smooth everything over themselves.

I always assume it's the parents of the mean kids who say kids should work it out themselves.

I've seen that too. But not because the parent doesn't want to speak up for their kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girls need to sort this out on their own. It can't hurt to check in with the teacher, especially if you think seating arrangements should be changed. It's hard to watch your kid struggle, but this is life. Talk openly with your daughter and let her do the same. Let her know that yes, the other girl's behavior is awful, but try to help her figure out how to deal. I do role-plays with my 2nd grader to help her practice how she wants to approach this kind of thing, and she seems to find that helpful.

+100

Life is tough. It's very helpful to learn how to deal with these things early on. There are no parents around to fix your problems at your first job, there are no "safe spaces."

On the other hand, if people taught the mean kids that they can't be mean and get away with it, then nicer kids wouldn't have to find "safe spaces." They start out as normal kids who aren't corrected, then they turn into mean kids and then, obviously, into mean adults. Mean people suck.

Exactly this. The point of contacting the school is not to help OP's child -- OP is in a position to work with her own child on how to handle such behaviors; but OP can't do anything herself about the misbehaving child; contacting the school gets appropriate adults involved to help the kid who is misbehaving and who clearly has some serious issues to work out.

[Anonymous]

Why not do both? Why not contact the teacher/GC, AND talk to your child about some things she can do in the moment? Why does it have to be either/or?

[Anonymous]

OP here. My DD didn't want to go to school today for the first time in her life. After she left, I contacted both the teacher and the guidance counselor. The teacher will obviously need to call me back not during school but I was able to speak to the guidance counselor directly. She was very alarmed and felt that this behavior DID rise to the level of needing intervention from her (the counselor.) She did not feel that I was overreacting at all.

I am aware of at least one other mother who has contacted the school about this girl as well. She clearly has some issues that need dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Do you really think what OP described are serious issues? It sounds annoying but like totally normal behavior. I am really surprised by how many people would contact the school in this situation.

Before you jump on me I do not have a mean kid. I have a very nice kid who is friends with children who act like this. DD recognizes that behavior needs to change but is open enough to still be friends with those children. DD isn't the target of many of these mean behaviors but has had to intervene a number of times when some of her friends were acting this way with other classmates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of kids learning to stand up for themselves is learning to ask for help when needed. In this case, your daughter should bring it to the teacher's attention, and let her know that other kids are having issues too. Only if the teacher doesn't do anything should you get involved. This hasn't risen to the level of bullying, and until it does, see what you daughter can do. I would bet that she can surprise you if you give her the chance.

Her DD. Did ask for help. She asked her mom for help. She did is by telling her about the situation. That's how little kids ask for help. Keep in mind many, many adults also have problems asking others for help so to say a 2nd grader should be able to do it perfectly is ridiculous and ignores reality.

Yes, the teacher should be contacted as well as the counselor and the principal. Most schools now are very keen on stopping this behavior in the elementary years and the "kids will be kids" attitude had been slowing turning to intervention with the realization that mean kids are kids that need help with social skills and he earlier the better.

When I see parents express things like "let them work it out" or "you are helicoptering" it just says that the parent themselves is afraid. Afraid of confrontation and afraid of acknowledging that their kid might not be the cool, popular kid or the kid who has problem making friends. I also think the parent is the one with low self esteem who can't speak up in behalf of their child. When you as the parent don't model it, your child will not learn it when they are young.

And her DD needs help in learning to stand up for herself, which means DD needs to speak to someone at school, not have mom jump the gun. By second grade, most kids are able to bring this to a teacher or counselor, and OP needs to work with her daughter on figuring out who to go to for help, not always bringing things to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you really think what OP described are serious issues? It sounds annoying but like totally normal behavior. I am really surprised by how many people would contact the school in this situation.

Before you jump on me I do not have a mean kid. I have a very nice kid who is friends with children who act like this. DD recognizes that behavior needs to change but is open enough to still be friends with those children. DD isn't the target of many of these mean behaviors but has had to intervene a number of times when some of her friends were acting this way with other classmates.

Op here. I disagree that it is "normal" behavior. It may be common, more common than we would like. But "normal" 8 yo's without other issues do not behave the way this girl is behaving. Something is up. I think trying to "normalize" this type of behavior is part of the ongoing problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I always assume it's the parents of the mean kids who say kids should work it out themselves.

IME it's usually high achieving working parents who are independent and confident and want to raise a child to grow up to be the same. Their kids are usually the cool kids
It's the SAHMs with socially awkward kids who get caught up in all this drama themselves and make a big deal about something like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of kids learning to stand up for themselves is learning to ask for help when needed. In this case, your daughter should bring it to the teacher's attention, and let her know that other kids are having issues too. Only if the teacher doesn't do anything should you get involved. This hasn't risen to the level of bullying, and until it does, see what you daughter can do. I would bet that she can surprise you if you give her the chance.

Her DD. Did ask for help. She asked her mom for help. She did is by telling her about the situation. That's how little kids ask for help. Keep in mind many, many adults also have problems asking others for help so to say a 2nd grader should be able to do it perfectly is ridiculous and ignores reality.

Yes, the teacher should be contacted as well as the counselor and the principal. Most schools now are very keen on stopping this behavior in the elementary years and the "kids will be kids" attitude had been slowing turning to intervention with the realization that mean kids are kids that need help with social skills and he earlier the better.

When I see parents express things like "let them work it out" or "you are helicoptering" it just says that the parent themselves is afraid. Afraid of confrontation and afraid of acknowledging that their kid might not be the cool, popular kid or the kid who has problem making friends. I also think the parent is the one with low self esteem who can't speak up in behalf of their child. When you as the parent don't model it, your child will not learn it when they are young.

What the...???

No. You are wrong. Pp made some very good points.

Huh? I don't see that at all. The parents I know with that attitude are trying to promote independence for their children. Not that they are afraid of confrontation themselves. On the contrary! The meeker parents are the ones who try to smooth everything over themselves.

I always assume it's the parents of the mean kids who say kids should work it out themselves.

And when a teacher says that the child needs to self-advocate rather than having the parent intervene?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My DD didn't want to go to school today for the first time in her life. After she left, I contacted both the teacher and the guidance counselor. The teacher will obviously need to call me back not during school but I was able to speak to the guidance counselor directly. She was very alarmed and felt that this behavior DID rise to the level of needing intervention from her (the counselor.) She did not feel that I was overreacting at all.

I am aware of at least one other mother who has contacted the school about this girl as well. She clearly has some issues that need dealing with.

Good for you. No child should fear going to school. If the counselor is any good she will resolve the issue effectively.