Man wondering about sexuality
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Anonymous
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Almost thirty. Have dated and had sex with women since teenage years. Few years ago became interested in gay porn and what I guess they call bi-curious. Confided this to a gay friend met in grad school and he was very informative in terms of helping me think through my issues. Eventually I met up with one of his friends and found the experience completely natural.
Bottom line, wondering what I am. To some degree I got tired of the games men and women play so wanted to explore. But does enjoying getting together with my friend's friend mean I am gay? How could it take so long to figure out if I am gay? Don't most guys know much earlier? |
Anonymous
| Sexuality is fluid for many people. You might be gay or you might me bi and prefer men or any variety. You don't have to feel exactly the same every day - most bisexual people don't. I sure don't. |
Anonymous
| Gay man, late 30s, here. I've been out since I was 20. Only you can know for certain, but I can tell you that I was never closeted. I simply just didn't realize I was gay until I was 20. I had dated and had sex with women. Why wouldn't I be straight? Most everyone I knew was. Then I met a few people who were gay, including one who would become a good friend. Over literally a few days it hit me out of nowhere. I contemplated very briefly whether I was bi, but within a few hours of thought knew I was gay. I came out to everyone over the next 2-3 months. I was scary and exciting. My biggest regret is that I didn't realize it sooner. |
Anonymous
| Most men are bi. They enjoy sex with other men but will only enter romantic relationships with women. |
Anonymous
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This is a problem with a culture that gives you an either/or choice. Society says the choices are "straight" or "gay", pick one. Some people fit neatly into one category or the other. Many of us don't, but our culture continues to tell us that's our problem, not a cultural/language problem. Even "bisexual" is problematic in a way, as it denotes "both this and that" and overlooks all the variations in between.
The catch-all term "queer" comes in pretty handy at this point. I identify as not-straight all the time, because it opens a dialogue. Labels are limiting. |
Anonymous
| The article is interesting but all it says to me is that people can identify with any term they want, and that most people fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. |
Anonymous
Very confused, obviously. A few sessions with a good therapist would be beneficial, OP. Please do so, before you get yourself lost into something that will be hard to find your way out of. |
Anonymous
| As a woman, I would consider you gay. |
Anonymous
| OP again and I appreciate the feedback. Not sure what a pp meant by getting myself into something that would be hard to get out of but I did speak to a therapist, which was incredibly difficult. The most confusing thing for me is presenting myself to the world in a certain way for so long, then realizing the opposite is true. I am starting to understand my anxiety towards women was the result of not being 100% straight. Am I scared? Heck yes. The thought of being involved with another guy is both exciting and unchartered waters. But being honest about my orientation is my first step. |
Anonymous
As a woman, I would consider you just you. You may like women, you may like men or you may like both. Either way...you were the same guy yesterday as you will be tomorrow. |
Anonymous
+1 I think you are realizing that you don't fit perfectly in "a little box" so to speak. And that's probably what is giving you the most trouble. Learn to be you, not adhere to any stereotypes regarding gender, race, ect. Also, you don't have to change your personality or anything. Just be you (or find out who you are). |
Anonymous
+2 Not everything is black and white. Live your life and date who you feel comfortable with at whatever point in time. |
Anonymous
It would be hard to get yourself out of a gay lifestyle once you start down that path. |
Anonymous
I agree. I have a good guy friend who is bi. It's so easy for him to find guys to hook up with, so that's what he does. |