Gave sick friend a gift and she thanked me with the same gift, ugh
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Anonymous
| My boss (who is also a friend) has been ill for a couple of months and has had to take a leave of absence for work. During this time, I have taken on some of her responsibilities, which our organization has paid me extra to do. She is housebound, and often in bed. So, I bought her a very nice throw that I thought would come in handy as she sat around the house, etc. It cost around $150 and was the type of gift that I would have liked to receive if I were sick in bed, so I bought it for her because I think we have similar tastes. She loved the gift and profusely thanked me. Pretty soon after, she started asking me what gift card I would prefer, etc. and I said please do not get me a gift. Literally, the woman is really ill and I do not mind helping out, visiting, etc and would be helping with the work even without payment. Anyway, a couple of weeks after I gave her the blanket, she gave me literally the same one to thank me for helping out. This was a few weeks ago and it still bothers me. I feel like she basically invalidated my nice gesture, and was like "now, we're even!" She is kind of a super A type and can be a little strange and competitive, and this was just really odd behavior to me, but made sense given the personality. It had a gift receipt with it and I am wishing that I had returned it and gotten some clothes, but I felt bad and like somehow it would come up again. I realize that she was just trying to be nice probably. Obviously this is not a huge deal, and our relationship is fine, but ya know sometimes when you realize why you will never be truly good friends with someone and they are more of a work friend? It was kind of one of those moments when I opened that thing up. Thanks for listening. |
Anonymous
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You shouldn't give your boss expensive gifts. Ever.
She felt obligated to do something similar. |
Anonymous
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It's a gift. Your boss/friend is ill and it's the thought that counts. She likely knows you have the same taste and therefore reciprocated and gave you something you'd appreciate as much as she appreciates it; a throw.
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Anonymous
| Let it go. If she's that sick she's not thinking 100% straight. Just thank her and move on. Don't read into this too much. |
Anonymous
Good point. This is OP. Proof that we are more colleagues/boss and employee than friends. Always need to remember the parameters of any relationship. |
Anonymous
I did and am avoiding bringing something up that's too petty IRL with anyone else 
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Anonymous
| Some people have a hard time receiving gifts. Sounds like she's one of those people. It's unfortunate, but I would just let it go. |
Anonymous
| I'm just surprised and delighted she acknowledged the gift you gave her. Hasn't been my experience lately with sick or grieving people and figure that's all part of not being well. Same situation here. She's not herself. |
Anonymous
| Huh? Are you saying she actually went out and bought the same gift (or had someone else buy it)? If so, that seems like a thoughtful, even if misguided, attempt to show you she's thinking about what you might want. There is truly really nothing wrong with that. Just exchange it if you want. |
Anonymous
| This is so something DH would do, and it drives me bonkers. It comes from a good place, and 18:20 is right. |
Anonymous
| It's kind of odd she gave the same exact gift. She might not be thinking clearly if she's been ill. |
Anonymous
| Some people just have a really hard time accepting people doing for them. It's weird, but I wouldn't hold it against her. It doesn't take away from the kind and thoughtful thing you did for her. |
Anonymous
| She is super sick and wanted to do something nice for you. Can you forgive her for not leaving the house to shop for you? She thought the throw was special enough that it would make a good gift. Appreciate that and don't discount her. |
Anonymous
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"Ugh" is right, OP. I have a friend who always researches how much you spent on her, then gets you a gift card for exact same amount -- like exact, not rounded. And my friend is also very competitive.
And what PPs seem to be missing is that it's not even appropriate for her to get you a gift. A thank you card would be ppropriate. You don't exchange gifts with someone on a birthday, for instance. |
Anonymous
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At least she didn't give you the actual throw back, if that makes sense?
Like she has a closet full of "gifts" she doesn't want and then gives them out randomly, but accidentally gave you the gift back which you got for her. That would be worse, this is just weird. |