Gave sick friend a gift and she thanked me with the same gift, ugh

[Anonymous]

You gave her a gift because you wanted her to be comfortable. It clearly made her uncomfortable until she reciprocated.

I work with people like this, if you do something simple like shar a cookie, they do. It rest until they have bought ypu a bigger and better cookie. I just say thank you and do not elevate the game.

[Anonymous]

Can't you use the receipt that you purchased her throw with and use it to return the one she gifted to you?

You said they were the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are reading into this way too much. You've decided to not be as close friends with her because of a gift she gave you.

+1

She gave you a blanket and you're having a meltdown?? This makes no sense at all to me, but I'm mentally noting to be careful when gift-giving in the future. I just thought she wanted to be blanket twinsies with you.

Not discussing something in real life and seeking out opinions on an anonymous board is not exactly having a meltdown. I did thank her and was totally gracious and normal about it. Brought it up here because it was bugging me and glad to have some perspective. To those who suggested she forgot who gave it to her--no, she gave it back two weeks later and expressly acknowledged that it was the same. I realize it's not a huge deal, but the whole thing made me realize that when I actually need help and someone gives it to me, to just say thank you and not try to "repay" the favor. That's not what the helper-outer wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't you use the receipt that you purchased her throw with and use it to return the one she gifted to you?

You said they were the same thing.

Too late. I have used it. I felt weird returning it even if I could have found the receipt.

[Anonymous]

Some people feel that once they receive a gift it is only in good faith to reciprocate.

Most especially for a gift in such a high price range.

Try not to look a gift horse in the mouth here.

Remember her intention comes directly from her heart.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend like this. It is very much a cultural thing. It's one of the things she's obsessive about. I've learned when to push and when to let it go.

[Anonymous]

Was it the exact same blanket or was it at least a different color?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend like this. It is very much a cultural thing. It's one of the things she's obsessive about. I've learned when to push and when to let it go.

We are from the same culture--white and privileged, both originally from the South though no longer living there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boss (who is also a friend) has been ill for a couple of months and has had to take a leave of absence for work. During this time, I have taken on some of her responsibilities, which our organization has paid me extra to do. She is housebound, and often in bed. So, I bought her a very nice throw that I thought would come in handy as she sat around the house, etc. It cost around $150 and was the type of gift that I would have liked to receive if I were sick in bed, so I bought it for her because I think we have similar tastes. She loved the gift and profusely thanked me. Pretty soon after, she started asking me what gift card I would prefer, etc. and I said please do not get me a gift. Literally, the woman is really ill and I do not mind helping out, visiting, etc and would be helping with the work even without payment. Anyway, a couple of weeks after I gave her the blanket, she gave me literally the same one to thank me for helping out. This was a few weeks ago and it still bothers me. I feel like she basically invalidated my nice gesture, and was like "now, we're even!" She is kind of a super A type and can be a little strange and competitive, and this was just really odd behavior to me, but made sense given the personality. It had a gift receipt with it and I am wishing that I had returned it and gotten some clothes, but I felt bad and like somehow it would come up again. I realize that she was just trying to be nice probably. Obviously this is not a huge deal, and our relationship is fine, but ya know sometimes when you realize why you will never be truly good friends with someone and they are more of a work friend? It was kind of one of those moments when I opened that thing up. Thanks for listening.

What are you bitching about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a person with a severe chronic illness. It's hard for a healthy person to understand how it feels to be chronically ill. For many of us, our biggest fear is being a burden to our friends and loved ones. I have an almost irrational fear of asking anyone for help. In my mind, I don't want to waste any favors now because I think I will need them later on (like there is a limit on kindness or something).

Anyway, I would just accept the gift from your friend. She is trying to show you that she cares and appreciates all your help and kindness. Don't overthink it. Just accept it and know that you are a good person because that's the bottom line.

This is great advice. You are making too much of this, try to focus on being compassionate toward your friend and realizing that illness can strain all of someone's emotional resources, in all sorts of ways. Maybe she didn't have the mental energy to think of an original gift, or maybe she thought you had given her a different gift and got confused, or maybe she is worried about being a burden and not wanting to be too indebted to anyone, whatever it is- she is in a tough place right now. Focus on keeping that in mind, and not trying to take a sick person's generosity as a slight.

[Anonymous]

She was sick, I would let it go. She was probably touched you gave her something and then had a hard time figuring out how to thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let it go. If she's that sick she's not thinking 100% straight. Just thank her and move on. Don't read into this too much.

Agree. Also, this is not about you. It's about her control issues. Don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Or maybe she really liked the throw and thought you might like it as well, but might not spend the money on one for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Your thoughtful gift made her happy. Just enjoy her goodwill, it doesn't make your gift less meaningful. She's just being nice.

[Anonymous]

That's weird af that she gave you the EXACT same gift you gave her. What kind of weirdo does that?