How come women want to be "friends" after a breakup?

[Anonymous]

But men couldn't care less?

[Anonymous]

Because we loved you and you just loved the sex?

[Anonymous]

We're emotionally attached and have a hard time letting go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because we loved you and you just loved the sex?

LOL.

[Anonymous]

Actually, I'm a woman and I always just ended it. Thought it was best for all concerned to know that it was over. Although, I can understand maintaining a working sort of friendship if you have a child together.

I think that some folks say "Let's still be friends" because they feel bad/guilty about breaking up and don't like to have hurt feelings. Plus, it might help them to save face socially - if you are "friends" you won't be able to talk dirt about them. Haha.

[Anonymous]

Another woman who never wanted anything to with the guy after a breakup (and was very skeptical of guys who were "friends" with ex's when dating). That said, there are probably a few reasons:

- Hope for reconciliation
- Social conditioning to try to preserve relationships and smooth over hurt feelings
- Hard time imagining how they're going to fill that time and hole in their lives, if they've spent a lot of time and energy on that relationship and maybe abandoned some of their other friends & interests

[Anonymous]

If they have common friends they almost have to smooth things over with each other or the friends get to pick which one of them is going to be dumped from the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we loved you and you just loved the sex?

LOL.

LOL indeed...It's mostly because women are conflict avoidant and feel horribly guilty about dumping anyone...staying "friends" is a nice way of pretending "I'm not rejecting you (while I'm rejecting you)"...and they imagine this is less hurtful. I won't get into the debate about whether women are inherently this way or if it's an artifact of culture - I personally suspect the latter, but I'm a white middle-aged dude, so I'll let the ladies answer that.

Pro-tip ladies: keeping someone's hopes alive by friend-zoning them is more cruel than simply ripping off the bandaid, and it does not make your ex feel better; it is entirely an activity designed to ease your guilt and lessen your pain. When you don't want sex with a guy anymore, your body is trying to tell you something: you don't "love" him anymore. You may have fond memories and warm feelings, but you don't have to hate someone to be out of love with them. The opposite of love is indifference.

If a girl/woman tells you she just wants to be friends, just drop her - that's what she really wants (even if she doesn't know it). You don't have to be crazy with the no-contact and avoid her at all costs, but stop initiating any and all contact, and don't call|text|social-media her back if she "pokes" you. Have some self-respect.

[Anonymous]

It can be an ego thing with some women (and men) too. They know that the ex is still carrying a torch for them and they enjoy fanning the flames of the torch because it makes them feel attractive/desirable/powerful to have that kind of affect on someone. It's an ego stoke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I'm a woman and I always just ended it. Thought it was best for all concerned to know that it was over. Although, I can understand maintaining a working sort of friendship if you have a child together.

I think that some folks say "Let's still be friends" because they feel bad/guilty about breaking up and don't like to have hurt feelings. Plus, it might help them to save face socially - if you are "friends" you won't be able to talk dirt about them. Haha.

Mostly this. Women are socialized to be "nice" saying you want to be friends is "nice."

Personally I am only friends with one of my exes, everyone else was cold turkey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we loved you and you just loved the sex?

LOL.

LOL indeed...It's mostly because women are conflict avoidant and feel horribly guilty about dumping anyone...staying "friends" is a nice way of pretending "I'm not rejecting you (while I'm rejecting you)"...and they imagine this is less hurtful. I won't get into the debate about whether women are inherently this way or if it's an artifact of culture - I personally suspect the latter, but I'm a white middle-aged dude, so I'll let the ladies answer that.

Pro-tip ladies: keeping someone's hopes alive by friend-zoning them is more cruel than simply ripping off the bandaid, and it does not make your ex feel better; it is entirely an activity designed to ease your guilt and lessen your pain. When you don't want sex with a guy anymore, your body is trying to tell you something: you don't "love" him anymore. You may have fond memories and warm feelings, but you don't have to hate someone to be out of love with them. The opposite of love is indifference.

If a girl/woman tells you she just wants to be friends, just drop her - that's what she really wants (even if she doesn't know it). You don't have to be crazy with the no-contact and avoid her at all costs, but stop initiating any and all contact, and don't call|text|social-media her back if she "pokes" you. Have some self-respect.

Huh. I have three friends who were placed in the friend zone and later ended up marrying the women who friend-zoned them. These couples are not comprised of the most good looking people, though, so maybe the women were just like, eh, why not.

[Anonymous]

Not me. After a break up you are dead to me, asshat.

[Anonymous]

Keeps all of the emotional reward, and now she is free to go have sex with the guy she's had her eye on enough to make her want to break up with you.

[Anonymous]

When I break up and tell someone I want to be friends, what I really mean is I'd like to remain friendly if/when our paths cross, but I'm not trying to have a more active friendship. So basically nod and smile when you see me, I'll do the same, and that's that.

The couple of ex's I am actively friends with didn't come as the result of a 'let's just be friends convo', it was more of a natural evolution of our relationship- being a couple didn't work but we genuinely liked each other, no one was still carrying a torch, so it worked out. I don't think that is terribly common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I break up and tell someone I want to be friends, what I really mean is I'd like to remain friendly if/when our paths cross, but I'm not trying to have a more active friendship. So basically nod and smile when you see me, I'll do the same, and that's that.

The couple of ex's I am actively friends with didn't come as the result of a 'let's just be friends convo', it was more of a natural evolution of our relationship- being a couple didn't work but we genuinely liked each other, no one was still carrying a torch, so it worked out. I don't think that is terribly common.

I agree. Most people, both men and women want to move on if there are no kids involved. Also, men don't want to be friends because women can get laid anytime they want. Therefore, why should the stay friends with here when she can find a new guy within four hours while he has to work at it?