How come women want to be "friends" after a breakup?

[Anonymous]

Because they like to keep guys around as an option. Don't do it, close the book on it and move on. They'll use you as an emotional tampon when they new guy they're fucking decides they aren't worth their while

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through a break up right now after a 5 year relationship. It's mostly mutual, although she was the one who had the balls to end it. I think it would have taken me a little while longer. We'd both like to remain friends, although it's slightly more awk for me because she lost the loving feelings/attraction to me (not the other way around). OTOH, what has gotten awk is that she's in her late 30s and I'm in my early 30s. There are times where I can see the desperation/resentment re: biological clock and dating market value. It's sad because I love her and want it to work, but she just isn't into me anymore. Yet, I can tell she resents that she's starting over close to 40.

Feel for you buddy as you seem to have really loved her. But the starting over is on her. She could have ended it at the two year mark if marriage was not in the cards.

Thanks. I know that it takes 2 to tango. Just wish she would have put the effort into figuring it out sooner. She's an impressive woman who really prioritizes her career ambitions. I'm proud of her success but wish she could also prioritize her personal life too.

Dude. You're putting this all on her. Why didn't YOU figure it out sooner? You said you would have come to the same conclusion to end it but it would have taken you longer. You're not a spring chicken anymore either -- you are old enough to know if this woman is forever before FIVE YEARS pass by. Take responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Is it a male-female thing or is it a dumper-dumpee thing?

My husband and I are splitting up (his choice) and while I want us to be amicable when dealing with the kids and have no interest in hating each other, I have no interest in being friends with him. He broke my heart and said and did things that really make me question his integrity. He, on the other hand, truly seemed to believe that we would be friends again after the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through a break up right now after a 5 year relationship. It's mostly mutual, although she was the one who had the balls to end it. I think it would have taken me a little while longer. We'd both like to remain friends, although it's slightly more awk for me because she lost the loving feelings/attraction to me (not the other way around). OTOH, what has gotten awk is that she's in her late 30s and I'm in my early 30s. There are times where I can see the desperation/resentment re: biological clock and dating market value. It's sad because I love her and want it to work, but she just isn't into me anymore. Yet, I can tell she resents that she's starting over close to 40.

Feel for you buddy as you seem to have really loved her. But the starting over is on her. She could have ended it at the two year mark if marriage was not in the cards.

Thanks. I know that it takes 2 to tango. Just wish she would have put the effort into figuring it out sooner. She's an impressive woman who really prioritizes her career ambitions. I'm proud of her success but wish she could also prioritize her personal life too.

Dude. You're putting this all on her. Why didn't YOU figure it out sooner? You said you would have come to the same conclusion to end it but it would have taken you longer. You're not a spring chicken anymore either -- you are old enough to know if this woman is forever before FIVE YEARS pass by. Take responsibility.

Time was on my side

[Anonymous]

Keeping men around as "friends" would have been useful back in the days when women had no economic rights.

"Friend" can mean anything from a true confidante to an arm's length acquaintance. I think women usually intend the latter when they dump you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keeping men around as "friends" would have been useful back in the days when women had no economic rights.

"Friend" can mean anything from a true confidante to an arm's length acquaintance. I think women usually intend the latter when they dump you.

I agree. It's a shorthand way of saying let's not be bitter and angry about this. It doesn't mean much more than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh. I have three friends who were placed in the friend zone and later ended up marrying the women who friend-zoned them. These couples are not comprised of the most good looking people, though, so maybe the women were just like, eh, why not.

Those friends were "Plan B" break-glass-in-case-of-emergency.

I'm not saying people don't wind up in good, stable and loving marriages - because marriage and family raising are about a whole lot more than romantic love - but they were definitely "eh, why not".

This has nothing to do with looks, btw, I've seen it happen with some VGL women who've ended up with Plan-B

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman and I don't want to be friends after a break up. I'd prefer to move on. I've had several ex-boyfriends want to be friends and it's only worked with one of them. Recently a guy I used to date sent me a friend request on FB. I rejected the friend request. I just don't need to go back there after all these years. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

I was more likely to want to be friends when I was the person getting dumped. For me, I loved him and he was the person I talked to every day about everything, and the idea of going from that to never speaking again seemed too hard. Even knowing he didn't feel the same way, it was just hard to accept not being part of each others lives. Of course that was when I was 23 and so dramatic. A few months later I got over him and we lost touch.

[Anonymous]

Probably because they quietly resolve to win you back.

A realistic woman would allow some time to heal before opting to be friends later on down the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman and I don't want to be friends after a break up. I'd prefer to move on. I've had several ex-boyfriends want to be friends and it's only worked with one of them. Recently a guy I used to date sent me a friend request on FB. I rejected the friend request. I just don't need to go back there after all these years. No thanks.

The past is the past. I would eat sawdust before sending an ex a FB request.

[Anonymous]

I think it totally depends upon the man.

I have ex-boyfriends that I couldn't give two shits about. I have no idea where they are or what they are doing.

And I have one ex who came to my wedding but since then has gone radio silent ... and I miss him. I miss him because he was a friend. He dumped me, but I really wanted to remain friends, not because I wanted to be "the one that got away" ... we weren't ever going to be together again, I know that, I didn't and still don't want that ... but because I liked him as a person. A LOT. He was my best friend before we got together as a couple. But apparently we aren't friends. It isn't for the sex.

[Anonymous]

I always wanted to stay friends with my ex boyfriends. I still cared for them. Just didn't want to f&ck them anymore. I always seemed to have a new boyfriend soon after.

[Anonymous]

It's just a tactic to lessen the jealousy the ex will feel when he learns another guy has taken his place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But men couldn't care less?

We don't it's just something we say..."we can still be friends!" Right.