Having only one partner

[Anonymous]

After seeing various threads about size and sexless marriage and number of parnters, I'm interested in knowing what people's opinions are of those of us who've had only one partner. I wouldn't say that I've really missed out on anything. I knew that after dating for about a year my parnter was the one I wanted to be with. It would have been silly to say "I'm breaking up with you just so that I can have sex withother people". My spouse did have other partners. What makes this hurt is that last year, my spouse had a mid life crisis and made the huge mistake cheating on me. My spouse regrets it deeply, but you can't put the bullet back in the gun. We have two children and divorce would just hurt every one. One should not be punished a lifetime for one mistake, but, after reading these threads, this has made me feel quite inferior to most every one else.

[Anonymous]

It's not a competition, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I know that and am working on it. I just want to get other people's thoughts

[Anonymous]

People who have had lots of partners will often flaunt it because if they were ashamed of it, then they would have the most horrible cognitive dissonance ever. So don't compare yourself to them. I had about 1.5 partners. I wish it was just 1.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP on the confessions thread who started the whole "I've had a lot of partners" thing.

If I could go back, you can be sure that I wouldn't have slept with MOST of those guys. Why I did it, God only knows. Water under the bridge, of course, but there was no good reason to do it at the time and I was too blind to realize that.

I agree with the poster above - it's not a competition. If you hit the nail on the head the first time you swing the hammer, then great. If you want to swing the hammer at a couple different nails first, then great. In the end -- it's all the same. Are you happy? That's all that counts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP on the confessions thread who started the whole "I've had a lot of partners" thing.

If I could go back, you can be sure that I wouldn't have slept with MOST of those guys. Why I did it, God only knows. Water under the bridge, of course, but there was no good reason to do it at the time and I was too blind to realize that.

I agree with the poster above - it's not a competition. If you hit the nail on the head the first time you swing the hammer, then great. If you want to swing the hammer at a couple different nails first, then great. In the end -- it's all the same. Are you happy? That's all that counts.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

I think it is admirable to have only one partner. I hope your spouse understands how special s/he is to know that you picked him/her above all others even without having more experiences. I don't see the need to have other experiences just for the sake of having them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP on the confessions thread who started the whole "I've had a lot of partners" thing.

If I could go back, you can be sure that I wouldn't have slept with MOST of those guys. Why I did it, God only knows. Water under the bridge, of course, but there was no good reason to do it at the time and I was too blind to realize that.

I agree with the poster above - it's not a competition. If you hit the nail on the head the first time you swing the hammer, then great. If you want to swing the hammer at a couple different nails first, then great. In the end -- it's all the same. Are you happy? That's all that counts.

Well said.

Agreed. Are happy and healthy? Then I have zero opinion on your sexual history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who have had lots of partners will often flaunt it because if they were ashamed of it, then they would have the most horrible cognitive dissonance ever. So don't compare yourself to them. I had about 1.5 partners. I wish it was just 1.

1.5?

[Anonymous]

I'm interested in knowing what people's opinions are of those of us who've had only one partner.

I don't really have any opinion of you or anyone else on this topic. A person can have many partners if she chooses to, or no other partners if she chooses to. It's your genitalia that's getting bumped, not mine, so why would I care? I guess if I meet someone who's 45 years old and has never had sex (or conversely has had 450 partners), I'm curious why she's chosen to live a life so different from mine. But it's just curiosity. I'd be just as curious (for example) if I met someone who's 45 years old and has never owned a car (or conversely has owned 450 cars). I suppose others might be more judgmental, but I'm not on this topic.

[Anonymous]

I'm one of the posters who had sex with 6 guys total including my husband, and 2 were mistakes - 1 a great friend from high school who I met up with after college and am now too embarrassed to go to any of my high school reunions, and 1 this guy from college who I just had a fling with. The others were actual boyfriends.

Ultimately I was young and insecure and wanted to feel free and show how casual and fun I was. Mistake, but we used protection and ultimately, though I regret it, no big deal. The older I have gotten the more confident I am about everything, so you chock it up to life lessons and move on.

I certainly don't think there is anything wrong with only sleeping with one guy. Like others have said, some of slept with more and regretted it, some of have slept with more and not regretted it. As long as you are in a place now that you can feel good about yourself I would not get caught up in numbers.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted you to know you are not alone. I've only had one partner. It took my husband a little while to get comfortable with it, he thought I wouldn't know what I might be missing. Of course when I offered to go find a few more partners (just kidding really), he was not happy with that idea either.

Admittedly I was a pretty rare find at 28 and a technical virgin but I never found a penis worthy until meeting my husband. Knowing that he was the worthy penis gave me a clue that he would be the one I'd choose to marry.

And other than people assuming I've had more than one partner, like my GYN, no one has given any indication that they thought negatively of me. A few of my closest friends even say they wish they only had one partner.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I think I've read enough. Most of the time, I don't regret the decisions I've made. I simply don't like the idea of using people/being used for sex. I have had opportunities before my spouse, but I realize they would have been regrettable mistakes. However, one of my regrets is not have been in a long term relationship before my spouse, so that I could learn from my mistakes, instead of making them with my spouse. I wouldn't say that I was waiting to get married. What I was waiting for was to be in a commited relationship with a nice person. Last year was extremely difficult for both of us and it resulted in my spouse faltering. Even as a mistake, it crushed my self-esteem. I have likened it to losing a face-off, but winning the game (yes I know I'm competitive oriented- I'm working on it, very hard). It's that one face-off where I was made to feel unwanted. I sometimes read threads here and see all the women unhappy with their husbands, wishing for some one better, or regretting the one that got away. I can't imagine how hurt their husbands would be to read it.
I am certainly not without faults. And yet, I try very hard to do the right thing. I had the chance to cheat with some one while their spouse was away. I didn't as I knew the spouse and didn't want to betray them.
Every one has their doubts. This is one of mine. You can think you're pretty, smart, athletic, but without some one to validate that belief, self doubt creeps in. I do believe I'm a good worthwhile person, but I sometimes doubt myself.
FWIW I'm a husband. I have an awesome wife. Last year the stress, some of which was from me, was too much for her and in a moment of weakness she faltered. I have since become much, much better at taking care of her and making her realize how much she is loved.
Am I happy? All in all, yes. Yesterday and today have been tough for me. I've fallen and I'm trying to figure out if it's worth getting up. I appreciate all the positive comments.
It's just some of these threads get me down.

[Anonymous]

I wish my partner had not had any other experiences. You could tell them anything was normal.

[Anonymous]

Where is this world end? The norm should be only one partner and fidelity till the end.
There would never be STIs, cheating... Oh how I miss the old good times...