Rescheduled wedding ettiquette question

[Anonymous]

One of DH's good friends was supposed to get married last Labor Day weekend in Maine. They called off the wedding about 6 weeks before, at which point everyone had to cancel flights and hotel (which only gave 50% back due to late cancellation, of course it was pre-paid). We were out like $2,500 total and it was a destination wedding so everyone else was too. We did also have to fly my parents in from Boston to take care of the kids - they still came anyway and we had a nice weekend, but not worth the cost of flying them in since the wedding was cancelled.

Well, they got back together this winter and just announced they are getting married again this coming Labor Day, this time in Mexico, and to expect an invite soon.

Are we really supposed to spend another $2,500+ on a new destination wedding now? What I find strange is that both of their families are local in DC/Virginia, so why wouldn't they just plan something here since they have already inconvenienced everyone once?? I would say this is a decently good friend, but not a best friend.

Has anyone ever been in this situation before? If we do go, do we still give a gift?

[Anonymous]

I'd skip this one. Send a gift if you want, but I would not.

[Anonymous]

Skip it if the expense is a burden. You already spent enough.

Just curious, why didn't you go anyway the first tiem around? Couldl've been a nice romantic trip for two.

[Anonymous]

Oh man, I would have dropped the kids in Boston, and spent the weekend in Maine with my husband. I've always wanted to go to Maine!

You never have to attend a wedding. If you sent a gift last go-round, you don't need to send another one (not that you ever NEED to send a gift either).

[Anonymous]

Maine over labor day? Sounds awesome. You should have gone, especially since you had a babysitter.

I would skip the 2nd wedding.

[Anonymous]

Echo PPs -- why didn't you go anyway???

[Anonymous]

Yup, I would have gone anyway too. Lobster for every meal! No silly wedding to attend!

If you don't want to go to the wedding in Mexico, reply no. Send a nice gift with many congrats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maine over labor day? Sounds awesome. You should have gone, especially since you had a babysitter.

I would skip the 2nd wedding.

+1. No way would I have not gone to Maine, no way would I go to Mexico for the do-over.

[Anonymous]

Skip it....they won't get that many people with a destination wedding to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maine over labor day? Sounds awesome. You should have gone, especially since you had a babysitter.

I would skip the 2nd wedding.

+1. No way would I have not gone to Maine, no way would I go to Mexico for the do-over.

+2. Lobstah.

[Anonymous]

You should have went on the trip to Maine.

No reason to go to Mexico. They sound self absorbed and selfish. Tue past thing you want to do is spend all that money on yet another destination wedding, and have them either cancep again or divorce six months later.

[Anonymous]

I totally would have gone to Maine. If the cancelled trip still cost you $2500 after you got 50% of the hotel back it must have been an awesome place! In fact I'm wondering how a weekend in Maine have could possibly cost that much?

If you want to go to wedding #2 in Mexico, then go. If it's too expensive or you don't want to go then don't. If the couple is picking places that cost multiple thousands for a weekend then they surely aren't expecting everyone to show up.

[Anonymous]

An invitation is just that: an invitation and not a summons.

You are not "supposed" to do anything other than what is a free able to you. That could be going, not going and sending a present, or not going and not sending a present.

The problem with deatinTion weddings is twofold, IMHO. In general, it means the couples are more interested in a venue than sharing the day with friends and family. It also puts the burden of the expense for the celebration on friends and family.

Full disclosure: we are looking at a destination wedding. BUT - we have been together so long that the "point" of us getting married is almost moot, save for our closest circle. We will completely foot the bill for those people who are kind enough to give their vacation time up to come celebrate with us. If they can't, we are fully anticipating that. We have given the VERY limited number of guests the heads up for a year. None have children that will need care.

[Anonymous]

Please come back and explain why you didn't go to Maine. I'm sitting here dreaming of that hotel room, swims, long runs, nice dinners and knowing my mom and dad were on it with the kids.

Re: Mexico, meh. Whatever you and your DH feel like is fine given the circumstance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maine over labor day? Sounds awesome. You should have gone, especially since you had a babysitter.

I would skip the 2nd wedding.

+1. No way would I have not gone to Maine, no way would I go to Mexico for the do-over.

I thought the woman who cancelled her wedding twice and expected her bridesmaids to buy a different dress each time was bad, but this kind of takes the cake.

That said, go to Maine. Eat lobster rolls and walk on the beach. No need to waste the tickets if you can't refund them.