not going to bar mitzvah, send gift?

[Anonymous]

We (non-Jewish) were invited to a friend's son's bar mitzvah. We can't go, but do people send a gift anyway, like if you can't go to a wedding? I generally hate giving money; I try to do gift cards to a store I know the person/couple likes. But I just read about the $18 thing. This is really what you do? Send a check for $18 or $36?

fwiw, DH and the father work together, and occasionally do something social. But we've only met the mother a few times, and have never met the kid.

what would you do?

[Anonymous]

It actually doesn't matter. If you send a gift, that will be nice. If you don't, nobody will care. I wouldn't tie yourself up with worrying about multiples of $18. If you sent a check for $30, people would think that's quite nice. I probably wouldn't bother to send a gift but if I did it would probably be more in the $30-50 range.

[Anonymous]

I'm Jewish, have been bat mitzvah'd and have been to dozens of bar and bat mitzvahs, so obviously an authority on this subject.

Yes, like a wedding, send a gift even if you're not going. Yes, multiples of $18. Since you've never met the kid I think $36 is fine.

[Anonymous]

Another Jew, here to prove that if you ask two Jews, you will get three opinions. For an acquaintance relationship, gift or no gift is extremely optional. Personally, I'd send a small gift if you have a relationship with the kid, otherwise, I'd skip. Trust me, no one will notice or care if you don't send one.

The $18 thing personally drives me nuts on this board. It's a bid of Jewish numerology superstition that people do our of tradition or for good luck. Reading this board, you'd think it was a major faux pas to give a $20 iTunes card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another Jew, here to prove that if you ask two Jews, you will get three opinions. For an acquaintance relationship, gift or no gift is extremely optional. Personally, I'd send a small gift if you have a relationship with the kid, otherwise, I'd skip. Trust me, no one will notice or care if you don't send one.

The $18 thing personally drives me nuts on this board. It's a bid of Jewish numerology superstition that people do our of tradition or for good luck. Reading this board, you'd think it was a major faux pas to give a $20 iTunes card.

plus 20% tip, of course

[Anonymous]

If 2 adults were invited and your husbands work together and it's a professional position or Executive, I would give 100. If your husband works minimum wage at a fast food place then 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If 2 adults were invited and your husbands work together and it's a professional position or Executive, I would give 100. If your husband works minimum wage at a fast food place then 18.

bribery?

I think if your husband works minimum wage at a fast food place, you would not be the kind of people who get invited

[Anonymous]

No. Like a wedding, if you do not attend, do not send a gift.

[Anonymous]

I would do a gift card if you do not want to send cash. The multiples of 18 is better but if they are not overly religious any amount is fine. I'd do a gaming store, target, best buy, iTunes if they have apple, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Like a wedding, if you do not attend, do not send a gift.

I've never not sent a gift even if I can't attend the wedding, though I don't think that this is like a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Like a wedding, if you do not attend, do not send a gift.

I always send a gift if I don't attend the wedding.

[Anonymous]

For a work coleaue's son? Yes, send a gift.

[Anonymous]

always send a gift even if you do not attend. they thought of you and invited you (an invitation alone costs $10-$15 with postage, and were planning on spending at least $150 per head to have you attend) because they wanted you there. giving a gift is your way of saying thank you for thinking of me and i care about you as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:always send a gift even if you do not attend. they thought of you and invited you (an invitation alone costs $10-$15 with postage, and were planning on spending at least $150 per head to have you attend) because they wanted you there. giving a gift is your way of saying thank you for thinking of me and i care about you as well.

You must be wealthy
I spent less than that on my wedding

[Anonymous]

I would send $36 if it is not a big deal to you.