When in laws or parents visit
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Anonymous
| Do they just come in and take over? I had plans for dinner yesterday that they knew about but I got home and they had brought their leftover cabbage soup for everyone to eat. We don't watch much TV but when they're here, it's constantly tuned into MSNBC or CNN really loud even when I try to turn it off. They bring in their own food and clutter up the fridge (it's not for us, they take it when they leave) despite the fact that DH and I pre-plan meals and stock up for them. And then even though they sleep in at their own house until 9:00am, they insist on getting up and out of bed when DD and I wake up at 6:30 to "spend time with her" then completely ignore her to watch TV or play on the internet. I'm just so irritated, I need alone time and I don't get ANY. Just a vent. |
Anonymous
| That about describes mine. Doesn't bother me though. When I go there I take food as well so that my family has what they need and so my in laws don't have to spend their money on it. The TV thing, I just tune it out. At least no one is under my feet or expecting me to entertain. It's not going to change. It's harmless. Life's too short for me to get upset over this sort of thing. |
Anonymous
|
It is normal, I think; they feel like they are with their nuclear family, even though that's not necessarily how you see it.
Pick your battles, but set some boundaries. And set a schedule and communicate! Two days out, call them: "Mom, during your visit, I've prepared lasagna for Friday, chili for Saturday, and we will do Thai take-out for Sunday. I've also gotten your basics: cottage cheese, low fat yogurt and Raisin Bran. If you want to bring more food, let me know now because I don't have a lot of fridge space left." Before the TV goes on: "We can check headlines for half an hour, then I need the TV off in the den. If you want to watch more, feel free to go to the rec room." Give where you can, but speak up if you need to! How will they know your boundaries/preferences if you don't set/communicate them? |
Anonymous
| Sounds normal to me. Every single thing you mentioned, either my parents or dh's, does. |
Anonymous
| OK, so they like to eat certain things. That's pretty common among older people keeping them feeling better/health. You wouldn' want to eat like an older person. Be glad of that.. Getting up early - they don't want to appear lazy and slowing down in front of you. Monopolizing the TV is rude. You not saying anything but being resentful,, is not nice. |
Anonymous
| Annoying liberals who want to tell everyone else how to live. What else is new? |
Anonymous
| My MIL isn't this way at all when she visits. She goes with our "flow" |
Anonymous
|
They probably perceive that:
A) You are a doormat who will allow them to take over your house and recreate their home experience B) You hate to host/aren't a good host, so they are "saving" you. I'm not saying either is true, but do you think this is the cae? If it's A, just take control. Turn the TV off and say you don't want it back on until 5 pm or whatever. Call them ahead of time and tell them not to bring food, just let you know what they want you to stock. If it's B, call them ahead and tell them all of your preparations, and ask if they need anything else. Just run your house! |
Anonymous
| I'm in my 60's and I couldn't eat your chili or lasagna. Use to. Not now. I'd be the toilet all evening. Pls let me eat what I know works for me. |
Anonymous
First of all, OP probably already know her family's food "basics." I. Know my parents CAN eat those foods, but my dad doesn't eat chicken, for example. So let's assume allergies and foods-to-avoid are already planned for. Second, THAT IS THE POINT OF THE PHONE CALL. So that MIL could say, "can we not do chili? Spicy foods disagree with me lately. I could bring a tuna casserole instead, if you like." See? COMMUNICATION! |
Anonymous
| we have some of that going on. The biggest thing I've done, is adjust my expectations. I don't stock up for anything more than what I would buy for our family. I also make meals that freeze easily in case they don't get used--I can always use it in the future. I also expect that its not a vacation when we have families visit. I basically have very low expectations--but not in a huffy way. |
Anonymous
Obviously, you were not taught how to make guests feel comfortable. They are are there for, maybe one week, and they're older and are set in their ways. Be generous because one day this will be you! |
Anonymous
HAHAHA OP, go ahead and make this announcement to your ILs. You will indeed have the TV off and more quiet. Then you will have 25 years of hurt feelings, chilliness, and possibly gossip in your extended family and drama with your DH. But so what! You told them. |
Anonymous
Bingo. What are they looking to win here? |
Anonymous
| I wonder how the PP who gave the bolded advice gets along with her inlaws. They must really dislike her for treating them like children. |