Boyfriend was still active online, but wants to continue to date

[Anonymous]

A few days ago I had a hunch that my boyfriend was still active on OKC. I reactivated my account and saw that he was online earlier that day. I confronted him and he stated that he browses an OKC reddit forum, but hasn't responded to any messages since December. I didn't feel comfortable with the answer as my intuition tells me that he's not serious about our relationship. I let him know that he's free to date others now because of the active profile, but he said he deactivated the profile(or blocked me) and wants to continue to date. We're both 30 and met around Thanksgiving. We officially became a couple on Valentine's Day after a romantic weekend trip. What should I do? I can't get it out of my mind that he may have been looking to keep his options open. Also, I got kind of bothered that he referred to me as a friend and not his girlfriend while talking to a server at a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't need to be on OKCupid to be active on an OKCupid Reddit message board. Though they do sometimes ask for profile critiques on there that are on profiles that aren't public, so would require a logged-in user to see in order to critique. IMO, he needs to deactivate his profile if he's in a committed relationship, even if he's only logging in to offer others help via Reddit, unless you're OK with it.

[Anonymous]

He's already lying to you. Guy i dated who cheated Okcupid is the first place I found him on. I bet you your bf is on other dating apps as well like tinder.

[Anonymous]

Why did you reactivate your account unless you were planning to look for someone new? You two just need to walk away from each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few days ago I had a hunch that my boyfriend was still active on OKC. I reactivated my account and saw that he was online earlier that day. I confronted him and he stated that he browses an OKC reddit forum, but hasn't responded to any messages since December. I didn't feel comfortable with the answer as my intuition tells me that he's not serious about our relationship. I let him know that he's free to date others now because of the active profile, but he said he deactivated the profile(or blocked me) and wants to continue to date. We're both 30 and met around Thanksgiving. We officially became a couple on Valentine's Day after a romantic weekend trip. What should I do? I can't get it out of my mind that he may have been looking to keep his options open. Also, I got kind of bothered that he referred to me as a friend and not his girlfriend while talking to a server at a restaurant.

Yet you sound about 13.

He's not that serious about you. He's keeping his options open.

Which is what you should has been doing back in Thanksgving. please tell me you didn't stop dating other guys in November?

For whatever reason you don't find him trustworthy, so move onto someone you can before you're 35 or 38 and having to start over " because he's not who I thought he was."

And this time , please date a few guys before you find someone you want to be exclusive with and that should happen organically not some Valentine's day trip you can post about on FB or Intsagram. Beyond a trip what has he done that has warranted being your boyfriend? Hint I don't mean gifts. What about him spells long-term?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you reactivate your account unless you were planning to look for someone new? You two just need to walk away from each other.

Her first line was that she (had a hunch) her bf was still looking. Same thing happened to me but instead I just googled his username and interests to find caches of his profile of when he was last on. Op your first clue was when he called you his friend to someone.

[Anonymous]

OP: It must be a "windy" day today because you have THREE red flags waving in your face right now.

• You had a "feeling" your boyfriend was back on a dating site & you were right!
• You had a feeling he doesn't seem as into the whole relationship as you hoped and it seems you could very well be 100% correct.
• He called you a "friend" vs. "girlfriend" in public after making it official a month ago.

I say he is already lying to you and that after committing to be exclusive with you, he realized it isn't exactly what he wants so he wants to keep you around while searching for someone else.

Don't invest any more time on him. If you do, I see nothing but heart-ache down the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few days ago I had a hunch that my boyfriend was still active on OKC. I reactivated my account and saw that he was online earlier that day. I confronted him and he stated that he browses an OKC reddit forum, but hasn't responded to any messages since December. I didn't feel comfortable with the answer as my intuition tells me that he's not serious about our relationship. I let him know that he's free to date others now because of the active profile, but he said he deactivated the profile(or blocked me) and wants to continue to date. We're both 30 and met around Thanksgiving. We officially became a couple on Valentine's Day after a romantic weekend trip. What should I do? I can't get it out of my mind that he may have been looking to keep his options open. Also, I got kind of bothered that he referred to me as a friend and not his girlfriend while talking to a server at a restaurant.

Yet you sound about 13.

He's not that serious about you. He's keeping his options open.

Which is what you should has been doing back in Thanksgving. please tell me you didn't stop dating other guys in November?

For whatever reason you don't find him trustworthy, so move onto someone you can before you're 35 or 38 and having to start over " because he's not who I thought he was."

And this time , please date a few guys before you find someone you want to be exclusive with and that should happen organically not some Valentine's day trip you can post about on FB or Intsagram. Beyond a trip what has he done that has warranted being your boyfriend? Hint I don't mean gifts. What about him spells long-term?

I stopped dating other people in mid December. We started hanging out more often at the beginning of the New Year. Actually spent everyday of NYE weekend together. I met his sister during that time as well(his other family is not local). He doesn't really buy me many gifts as I value experiences over things, but so far we've taken 2 overnight trips together and he's accompanied me to a couple of medical appointments (I have some chronic conditions). He has done a lot of research and talked to my doctors about my conditions so he has a better understanding of what to expect. He's financially stable(he voluntarily showed me his accounts). Someone that is patient and understanding is important to me due to my health as flare ups can happen anytime.
Also he rearranged his work schedule so that we can have the same days off. So we are together at least twice a week.

[Anonymous]

He may just be doing all that stuff to keep you from dating others, while he continues to search for better. Or he maybe sincere who knows don't make any assumptions. If I were you I won't get angry. What I would do is, tell him until we are exclusive which includes no more active accounts on any dating sites you'll continue to date other guys. Be blunt and upfront and tell him your expectations are from dating. Ask him to clearly state what his dating expectations ste with you. You both have one out of two options after that conversation either stay with each other or move on.

[Anonymous]

OP again, we agreed to be an exclusive couple last month. He said that it already felt like we were a couple so we should make it official. So part of me believes that he's losing interest at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few days ago I had a hunch that my boyfriend was still active on OKC. I reactivated my account and saw that he was online earlier that day. I confronted him and he stated that he browses an OKC reddit forum, but hasn't responded to any messages since December. I didn't feel comfortable with the answer as my intuition tells me that he's not serious about our relationship. I let him know that he's free to date others now because of the active profile, but he said he deactivated the profile(or blocked me) and wants to continue to date. We're both 30 and met around Thanksgiving. We officially became a couple on Valentine's Day after a romantic weekend trip. What should I do? I can't get it out of my mind that he may have been looking to keep his options open. Also, I got kind of bothered that he referred to me as a friend and not his girlfriend while talking to a server at a restaurant.

Yet you sound about 13.

He's not that serious about you. He's keeping his options open.

Which is what you should has been doing back in Thanksgving. please tell me you didn't stop dating other guys in November?

For whatever reason you don't find him trustworthy, so move onto someone you can before you're 35 or 38 and having to start over " because he's not who I thought he was."

And this time , please date a few guys before you find someone you want to be exclusive with and that should happen organically not some Valentine's day trip you can post about on FB or Intsagram. Beyond a trip what has he done that has warranted being your boyfriend? Hint I don't mean gifts. What about him spells long-term?

I stopped dating other people in mid December. We started hanging out more often at the beginning of the New Year. Actually spent everyday of NYE weekend together. I met his sister during that time as well(his other family is not local). He doesn't really buy me many gifts as I value experiences over things, but so far we've taken 2 overnight trips together and he's accompanied me to a couple of medical appointments (I have some chronic conditions). He has done a lot of research and talked to my doctors about my conditions so he has a better understanding of what to expect. He's financially stable(he voluntarily showed me his accounts). Someone that is patient and understanding is important to me due to my health as flare ups can happen anytime.
Also he rearranged his work schedule so that we can have the same days off. So we are together at least twice a week.

WOW...

1. Is he your parent or boyfriend? Why is it that he has a better understanding of your medical conditions that you do. You are being irresponsible.
2. So his money is obviously important to you.
3. He is making a lot of changes to his life to accommodate you.

QUESTION: What does he get out of the deal?

From your post it doesn't sound like you offer much to him and at the same time you are a big burden. Maybe he was keeping his options open because he is assessing the situation and think that you might be too much trouble to be viable long-term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, we agreed to be an exclusive couple last month. He said that it already felt like we were a couple so we should make it official. So part of me believes that he's losing interest at this point.

With him (at 30) taking on all those responsibilities for you (medical, schedule changes, etc.) he may be thinking he doesn't want to deal with all that.

[Anonymous]

Ok, who knows what was going on with okcupid. Create a fake profile and check to see if he is still active.

I am not sure how reliable the online status is.

He sounds good other than this, so I'd try to make sure this isn't some technological hiccup.

[Anonymous]

Open a second account and look for his profile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Open a second account and look for his profile.

^ This

As a guy who have had women question me about still being online, I have created another account to pacify them long before I meet them. Men like to look, but many (me included) don't act on it as I believe in monogamy.