Boyfriend was still active online, but wants to continue to date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few days ago I had a hunch that my boyfriend was still active on OKC. I reactivated my account and saw that he was online earlier that day. I confronted him and he stated that he browses an OKC reddit forum, but hasn't responded to any messages since December. I didn't feel comfortable with the answer as my intuition tells me that he's not serious about our relationship. I let him know that he's free to date others now because of the active profile, but he said he deactivated the profile(or blocked me) and wants to continue to date. We're both 30 and met around Thanksgiving. We officially became a couple on Valentine's Day after a romantic weekend trip. What should I do? I can't get it out of my mind that he may have been looking to keep his options open. Also, I got kind of bothered that he referred to me as a friend and not his girlfriend while talking to a server at a restaurant.

Yet you sound about 13.

He's not that serious about you. He's keeping his options open.

Which is what you should has been doing back in Thanksgving. please tell me you didn't stop dating other guys in November?

For whatever reason you don't find him trustworthy, so move onto someone you can before you're 35 or 38 and having to start over " because he's not who I thought he was."

And this time , please date a few guys before you find someone you want to be exclusive with and that should happen organically not some Valentine's day trip you can post about on FB or Intsagram. Beyond a trip what has he done that has warranted being your boyfriend? Hint I don't mean gifts. What about him spells long-term?

I stopped dating other people in mid December. We started hanging out more often at the beginning of the New Year. Actually spent everyday of NYE weekend together. I met his sister during that time as well(his other family is not local). He doesn't really buy me many gifts as I value experiences over things, but so far we've taken 2 overnight trips together and he's accompanied me to a couple of medical appointments (I have some chronic conditions). He has done a lot of research and talked to my doctors about my conditions so he has a better understanding of what to expect. He's financially stable(he voluntarily showed me his accounts). Someone that is patient and understanding is important to me due to my health as flare ups can happen anytime.
Also he rearranged his work schedule so that we can have the same days off. So we are together at least twice a week.

WOW...

1. Is he your parent or boyfriend? Why is it that he has a better understanding of your medical conditions that you do. You are being irresponsible.
2. So his money is obviously important to you.
3. He is making a lot of changes to his life to accommodate you.

QUESTION: What does he get out of the deal?

From your post it doesn't sound like you offer much to him and at the same time you are a big burden. Maybe he was keeping his options open because he is assessing the situation and think that you might be too much trouble to be viable long-term.

I have been physically disabled since I was a toddler. My boyfriend is not to familiar with my condition, so he wanted to get a better insight of what to expect. I am completely aware of my limitations. Financial stability is important. He doesn't make a lot of money. Also we don't work Monday through Friday jobs, while I have the same days off each week, he won't unless he requests them. If he didn't then, it's high unlikely that we'd be able to see each other.

[Anonymous]

My hubs and did the same thing when we first started dating. I was upset about it and asked my dad what to do, knowing that he loves me and wants to protect me from hurt feelings, but he would also give me a mans perspective. He told me to let it go. I'm glad that I did. I think if I had made a big stink about it, I might have ruined our relationship.
I actually do think that at the time, he was looking for someone else, someone better. And I was insecure enough at the time that I thought he might find it. Of course, he didn't. So, now we are married and I know that he is with me because he wants to be with me, and not because I made some weird ultimatum six months into our relationship that he wasn't even allowed to look around.
I get that you are insecure, but you have no claims on him. You aren't married, and you haven't even been dating for that long. So, keep your insecurities to yourself. You said something once. He knows how you feel about it. Don't bring it up again. Because frankly, you sound a little crazy.

[Anonymous]

My hubs and did the same thing when we first started dating. I was upset about it and asked my dad what to do, knowing that he loves me and wants to protect me from hurt feelings, but he would also give me a mans perspective. He told me to let it go. I'm glad that I did. I think if I had made a big stink about it, I might have ruined our relationship.
I actually do think that at the time, he was looking for someone else, someone better. And I was insecure enough at the time that I thought he might find it. Of course, he didn't. So, now we are married and I know that he is with me because he wants to be with me, and not because I made some weird ultimatum six months into our relationship that he wasn't even allowed to look around.
I get that you are insecure, but you have no claims on him. You aren't married, and you haven't even been dating for that long. So, keep your insecurities to yourself. You said something once. He knows how you feel about it. Don't bring it up again. Because frankly, you sound a little crazy.

[Anonymous]

Dunzo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: It must be a "windy" day today because you have THREE red flags waving in your face right now.

• You had a "feeling" your boyfriend was back on a dating site & you were right!
• You had a feeling he doesn't seem as into the whole relationship as you hoped and it seems you could very well be 100% correct.
• He called you a "friend" vs. "girlfriend" in public after making it official a month ago.

I say he is already lying to you and that after committing to be exclusive with you, he realized it isn't exactly what he wants so he wants to keep you around while searching for someone else.

Don't invest any more time on him. If you do, I see nothing but heart-ache down the road.

+1
As PP said, he is already lying to you. He has accompanied you to doctors appointments and such yet he referred to you as a friend. And showing you his accounts isn't a positive sign, it's actually a bit off- why does he need to "prove" his financial stability already and with receipts no less!
Your gut has been spot on about this guy. Don't ignore it.

[Anonymous]

WOW...

1. Is he your parent or boyfriend? Why is it that he has a better understanding of your medical conditions that you do. You are being irresponsible.
2. So his money is obviously important to you.
3. He is making a lot of changes to his life to accommodate you.

QUESTION: What does he get out of the deal?

From your post it doesn't sound like you offer much to him and at the same time you are a big burden. Maybe he was keeping his options open because he is assessing the situation and think that you might be too much trouble to be viable long-term.

Are you simple? He doesn't have a better understanding of her condition than she does, he learned more about it in order to better understand. You're either the MRA troll that's been stalking this website, or painfully stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My hubs and did the same thing when we first started dating. I was upset about it and asked my dad what to do, knowing that he loves me and wants to protect me from hurt feelings, but he would also give me a mans perspective. He told me to let it go. I'm glad that I did. I think if I had made a big stink about it, I might have ruined our relationship.
I actually do think that at the time, he was looking for someone else, someone better. And I was insecure enough at the time that I thought he might find it. Of course, he didn't. So, now we are married and I know that he is with me because he wants to be with me, and not because I made some weird ultimatum six months into our relationship that he wasn't even allowed to look around.
I get that you are insecure, but you have no claims on him. You aren't married, and you haven't even been dating for that long. So, keep your insecurities to yourself. You said something once. He knows how you feel about it. Don't bring it up again. Because frankly, you sound a little crazy.

No, he settled with you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open a second account and look for his profile.

^ This

As a guy who have had women question me about still being online, I have created another account to pacify them long before I meet them. Men like to look, but many (me included) don't act on it as I believe in monogamy.

So what do you get out of 'looking' if you believe in monogomy?

[Anonymous]

OP, what was it that caused to to check his account to begin with? Besides calling you his "friend", what were the signs that something was up?

Ignore the nasty posters - they are projecting their own stuff on you, it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what was it that caused to to check his account to begin with? Besides calling you his "friend", what were the signs that something was up?

Ignore the nasty posters - they are projecting their own stuff on you, it seems.

PP again - has he been less available to you?

[Anonymous]

He hasn't been less available. I have felt some distance from us, less sex being one thing. We only have sex once a week now. Normally it's at least twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He hasn't been less available. I have felt some distance from us, less sex being one thing. We only have sex once a week now. Normally it's at least twice.

But why is this? Are you initiating and he's rejecting you? That doesn't sound good only 3 months out.
Does he say he still wants to be exclusive?

[Anonymous]

Men look and OKC is a bit addictive. I was dating a guy who very quickly wanted to be exclusive and take down our profiles. After a few months, I suspected he was still dating (which wouldn't have been a problem if he had been honest). I created a new profile, saw he was still active and confronted him. Like your guy, he told me he had logged on for something else but wasn't contacting anyone. A few more months go by and I again got suspicious. This time, I logged in again with that second account and, guess what? He had contacted me! I caught him red-handed and broke up with him on the spot. He was really, really upset and didn't want to break up. In the end, it depends a bit what you want to do. If you think this guy is worth it, then step back and date other people. If, like me, you would rather be alone than have someone lie to you, then just say goodbye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men look and OKC is a bit addictive. I was dating a guy who very quickly wanted to be exclusive and take down our profiles. After a few months, I suspected he was still dating (which wouldn't have been a problem if he had been honest). I created a new profile, saw he was still active and confronted him. Like your guy, he told me he had logged on for something else but wasn't contacting anyone. A few more months go by and I again got suspicious. This time, I logged in again with that second account and, guess what? He had contacted me! I caught him red-handed and broke up with him on the spot. He was really, really upset and didn't want to break up. In the end, it depends a bit what you want to do. If you think this guy is worth it, then step back and date other people. If, like me, you would rather be alone than have someone lie to you, then just say goodbye.

Why was he really upset if you caught him red handed?

[Anonymous]

He was upset that I broke up with him. I don't think he expected me to catch him and I don't think he wanted to break up. He kept saying he had made a mistake and he couldn't believe he had messed this (meaning us) up.