Old boyfriend back in contact with me

[Anonymous]

An ex-boyfriend recently got back in contact with me via Facebook and we've exchanged a couple of e-mails. Very innocent-nothing at all flirtatious although he brought up a vacation we took together and how much fun it was. I haven't seen him in 20 years and we're both married. He indicated that he was on his second marriage but has said very little about his current wife and nothing about why his first marriage ended except to say that it didn't work out. He included his phone number in the most recent e-mail-I don't plan on calling him although there's a part of me that wonders why after all of these years he decided to get back in touch with me now. Is it just about being friendly or is there more to this? I'm happily married and have been honest with my husband about the e-mails because I don't have anything to hide and don't feel like I've done anything wrong. He (the ex-boyfriend) has a couple of young kids and appears to be very successful professionally (he's a surgeon). I feel like I'm thinking about this more than I'd like. Neither I nor my husband makes anywhere as much money as I'm sure my ex BF does and I feel very guilty for admitting this but I think about how my life would be if I'd have ended up with him. Although I've always been more attracted physically to my husband than I was to the ex BF, the ex BF was my "first love" and it was a very intense sort of relationship. I think if the ex BF and I had met when we were older we'd have ended up together but we were too young and needed to explore other relationships. Anyway, just needed to vent. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Neither the ex BF or I has talked about getting together in person and I don't plan on doing so. I almost wish that he wouldn't have contacted me because I don't like the fact that I'm thinking about him now.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

CLose this door

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it's fun to take a trip to Fantasy Island. But if you remember the show, something bad always happened when you took that path. So indulge in a few harmless fantasies about what might have been. Then walk away. That life will never happen. And refocus your energy on your currently life and find all the ways you are grateful for the life you have.

[Anonymous]

I had a very old ex reach out to me a few years back. We exchanged the briefest of emails out of basic politeness, but I was very careful to cut it off quickly. I assumed she was just at a bad point in her marriage and was grasping at something from "back in the day".

OP - it is flattering, but past that and it will lead nowhere you really want to go.

[Anonymous]

Yep...Your ex has opened up Pandora's Box which had unleashed a wave of emotion.

It seems like his earning power does impress you.
It would be wonderful if you could live a higher quality-type of lifestyle without having to worry about finances.

However keep a healthy perspective here.

Chances are he's also paying out alimony and child suppOrtiz out and may not be living the type of lifestyle you may imagine.

Personally I think you are much better off without him.

Look at things realistically and with clarity.

Here is a guy who is married and is reaching out to an ex. Had you been his wife, he would be doing stuff like that to you now.

Be grateful he was the one who got away.

[Anonymous]

Same situation. Saudi ex and I found each other on FB. He wanted to marry me but I was 21 and just wanted to finish school and be free. He had millions his father gave him for us to start a life. So now, he has a plush life, albeit he returned to KSA after I said no. He's always on vacation somewhere usually Dubai or Egypt. Wife never worked. Has 2 live-ins. Beach condos. Big wee wee. I too ruminated over the possibilities had I married him. For months. But it fades you will stop thinking of it. You are in that wow moment now you hadn't had contact for 20 years.

[Anonymous]

My high school boyfriend, who I broke up with during my freshman year of college, resurfaces every few years. I shut him down every time and discourage him from reaching out to me. I broke up with him for a reason. The end.

[Anonymous]

Stop

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same situation. Saudi ex and I found each other on FB. He wanted to marry me but I was 21 and just wanted to finish school and be free. He had millions his father gave him for us to start a life. So now, he has a plush life, albeit he returned to KSA after I said no. He's always on vacation somewhere usually Dubai or Egypt. Wife never worked. Has 2 live-ins. Beach condos. Big wee wee. I too ruminated over the possibilities had I married him. For months. But it fades you will stop thinking of it. You are in that wow moment now you hadn't had contact for 20 years.

It's not dirty word you can write penis.


OP. this isn't a road you want to go down, quit while you are ahead.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I've had a couple reach out. It crops up occasionally. I'm mildly flattered and move on. I love my life and don't want theirs.

[Anonymous]

STOP.
I ended up in a cyber affair with my HS friend. It started innocently enough, and I never EVER thought I'd be "that person". But, when DH and I hit the usual bumps in the road that many couples do, it became easier and easier to turn to friend for validation instead of working on what I should have been. It escalates over time, and we got pretty explicit.

It pretty much almost ended my marriage.

Stop now while you're ahead, seriously. I never thought a few innocent emails would lead me down the path they did, but everything happened very insidiously.

[Anonymous]

Currently also in this situation. Thanks to all pps for their comments. Op, they are right. What is the point of this? Plus it's a big waste of time that should be spent on your family

In my case I think old bf is having a mid life crisis and is trying to remember the exciting days of youth. It's not my job to help him do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An ex-boyfriend recently got back in contact with me via Facebook and we've exchanged a couple of e-mails. Very innocent-nothing at all flirtatious although he brought up a vacation we took together and how much fun it was. I haven't seen him in 20 years and we're both married. He indicated that he was on his second marriage but has said very little about his current wife and nothing about why his first marriage ended except to say that it didn't work out. He included his phone number in the most recent e-mail-I don't plan on calling him although there's a part of me that wonders why after all of these years he decided to get back in touch with me now. Is it just about being friendly or is there more to this? I'm happily married and have been honest with my husband about the e-mails because I don't have anything to hide and don't feel like I've done anything wrong. He (the ex-boyfriend) has a couple of young kids and appears to be very successful professionally (he's a surgeon). I feel like I'm thinking about this more than I'd like. Neither I nor my husband makes anywhere as much money as I'm sure my ex BF does and I feel very guilty for admitting this but I think about how my life would be if I'd have ended up with him. Although I've always been more attracted physically to my husband than I was to the ex BF, the ex BF was my "first love" and it was a very intense sort of relationship. I think if the ex BF and I had met when we were older we'd have ended up together but we were too young and needed to explore other relationships. Anyway, just needed to vent. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Neither the ex BF or I has talked about getting together in person and I don't plan on doing so. I almost wish that he wouldn't have contacted me because I don't like the fact that I'm thinking about him now.

Tell your DH about the email with the phone number. It sounds as if you have not told him about this invite to up the level of contact. If you have not told him then you've done something hurtful and wrong even if you don't think so. Consider his feelings.

Just be completely honest with your DH about the contact. He might surprise you with his understanding. It is usually he cover up or lack of candor that is most hurtful. Also telling him will prevent this from blowing up into a life and family altering issue. It is ok to be nostalgic and DH probably would understand. Your DH just deserves the respect of being informed.

Finally, does the surgeon's wife know he sent his phone number? Would you want your DH to be doing that? Think how you'd feel. You really should shut this down and cease all contact permanently. This is playing with fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An ex-boyfriend recently got back in contact with me via Facebook and we've exchanged a couple of e-mails. Very innocent-nothing at all flirtatious although he brought up a vacation we took together and how much fun it was. I haven't seen him in 20 years and we're both married. He indicated that he was on his second marriage but has said very little about his current wife and nothing about why his first marriage ended except to say that it didn't work out. He included his phone number in the most recent e-mail-I don't plan on calling him although there's a part of me that wonders why after all of these years he decided to get back in touch with me now. Is it just about being friendly or is there more to this? I'm happily married and have been honest with my husband about the e-mails because I don't have anything to hide and don't feel like I've done anything wrong. He (the ex-boyfriend) has a couple of young kids and appears to be very successful professionally (he's a surgeon). I feel like I'm thinking about this more than I'd like. Neither I nor my husband makes anywhere as much money as I'm sure my ex BF does and I feel very guilty for admitting this but I think about how my life would be if I'd have ended up with him. Although I've always been more attracted physically to my husband than I was to the ex BF, the ex BF was my "first love" and it was a very intense sort of relationship. I think if the ex BF and I had met when we were older we'd have ended up together but we were too young and needed to explore other relationships. Anyway, just needed to vent. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Neither the ex BF or I has talked about getting together in person and I don't plan on doing so. I almost wish that he wouldn't have contacted me because I don't like the fact that I'm thinking about him now.

Tell your DH about the email with the phone number. It sounds as if you have not told him about this invite to up the level of contact. If you have not told him then you've done something hurtful and wrong even if you don't think so. Consider his feelings.

Just be completely honest with your DH about the contact. He might surprise you with his understanding. It is usually he cover up or lack of candor that is most hurtful. Also telling him will prevent this from blowing up into a life and family altering issue. It is ok to be nostalgic and DH probably would understand. Your DH just deserves the respect of being informed.

Finally, does the surgeon's wife know he sent his phone number? Would you want your DH to be doing that? Think how you'd feel. You really should shut this down and cease all contact permanently. This is playing with fire.

This. If he had no ulterior motive he would be totally above board and invite you and your DH to dinner with him AND his wife. You really don't want to go down this road. Playing with fire is right. And, just spinning this out, say you have a mad passionate affair, both leave your spouses and wind up together. You are now with a man who has no problem reaching out to other women on the sly. You'd give up your current life for that?