grandmother 'scooped' baby announcement on FB
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Anonymous
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Here's the situation, would like to get some outside feedback:
Recently had a baby, and never made a Facebook announcement about being pregnant <<pregnancy was out in the open to all those who we interact with regularly in real-life; just didn't want to put it on FB>>. My mother visited us in the hospital, took a fairly unflattering photo of me with baby, and posted in on FB with comment to the effect of "welcome grandchild #5!". Husband and I are pretty miffed; wasn't this our announcement to make on FB, if we felt the need? FWIW, we share many FB friends with my mother, so she definitely broke the news on our behalf. Should we say something, or just ignore and move on? I don't have the mindspace right now to deal with the a confrontation, but if this sets a precedent for what the grandparents have the right to broadcast about our child, maybe I should say something? |
Anonymous
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You hadn't mentioned it yet, were you planning on mentioning it?
Yes, people should be more aware and not post before the parents have posted. Mention it to your mom, that next time you'd like to be the one to announce, but also quickly drop it. What's done is done. |
Anonymous
| She didn't scoop you. She just shared something to her group of friends that you chose not to share with yours (of course there's overlap, you're family). I don't think you should really be "miffed" about that. I would however ask her to check with you before posting a photo of you or your baby. |
Anonymous
| She is excited about her growing family. Not worth being annoyed about. |
Anonymous
| If this bothers you, then you should have posted it on facebook yourself. |
Anonymous
Agreed, especially since the new mom and dad might have other things to do besides post to Facebook right away! I think it's fair to tell her mom that she was miffed, since it was her news to share first. Also fair to say that she felt that the photo wasn't intended to be shared with the public. |
Anonymous
| My FIL did this with a terrible cell phone photo of the baby that DH had texted to him right after the birth. FIL tagged us, and then SIL shared it and tagged us again. We were pretty miffed. We quickly untagged ourselves before anyone saw the photo (we think - it was early in the morning). FIL and SIL don't have many facebook friends, so we tried to have the attitude that not many people saw it, that FIL doesn't really "get" facebook etiquette (SIL knows better, though), and that he was just excited about his first grandchild. I am still annoyed about it, but we didn't have a big confrontation about it or anything. I have no idea if DH even said anything to FIL. I figured I will have more important inlaw battles to pick from in the future, so I tried to let this one flow under the bridge. It is definitely super annoying, though - I agree with you there. |
Anonymous
| How petty, my gosh. |
Anonymous
It's fine to untag, but you also have the option to make it so nothing you're tagged in goes on your profile, unless you post it. Also to pre-approve tags. |
Anonymous
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Yep, say something. Tell your mom that she needs to ask first before posting photos of your kids, period end dot--that is, if this is a common thing with her rather than a one-time breach of common sense.
You know your Mom. Respond accordingly. |
Anonymous
This. If you wanted to post a pic yourself, you or your DH should have asked her up front not to post any pics to FB. You knew she was taking pics, yes? What did you think she was going to do with them? |
Anonymous
| I don't think one should ever post a picture of someone else without their explicit permission unless it is a large group photo (basically more than say 5 people) or your own baby/young child. I ask my kids (12 and 15) before I post a pic of them. Its your image. If you dont like the photo, tell her. |
Anonymous
| Honestly you didn't post a single thing about your pregnancy on facebook, so she figured you'd never post a baby pic either. She does have a right as a grandma to post pics of her grandkids. I mean would she take pics of the other 4 and black out your baby's face? |
Anonymous
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OP again. Thanks for the comments. Still trying to decide if this is worth saying something over. Due to personalities involved, there isn't a way to mention it casually, it will no doubt turn into a confrontation with hurt feelings. Husband is more than happy to say something, but that would spark more of a confrontation than if I said something.
This behavior (clueless re etiquette) is pretty typical and I don't see it changing. She didn't mean any harm, but she just doesn't think and it's all about her. I'm leaning toward not bothering to say anything. |
Anonymous
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Try to look at it from a different perspective and then let it go: your mother did not announce that YOU had a baby. She announced that SHE has a grandchild.
It might not seem different to you, but it is. Let her share her joy, and try not to be vain and worried that it is an unflattering picture of you. NOBODY cares, I promise. In fact, nobody care about this announcement as much as you so I would not worry that she "scooped you." |