grandmother 'scooped' baby announcement on FB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask her to take down the unflattering photo and replace with one of HER and the baby.

I agree. Unless you are going to take a hard line about never posting pictures of your children on Facebook, I don't think you can tell her not to post pictures of her grandchild without starting a big fight. You can, however, ask that the unflattering picture of you be taken down. I think that any reasonable person would understand that request.

We only have a few rules about what other people can post (no bathtime pictures on the internet, mom! Please and thank you!) and it has worked well.

[Anonymous]

So not worth saying anything, unless you are never going to post any photos of your baby ever, in which case you could tell her that. But otherwise--let it go. She was excited about her grandchild. This is not a hill to die on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly you didn't post a single thing about your pregnancy on facebook, so she figured you'd never post a baby pic either. She does have a right as a grandma to post pics of her grandkids. I mean would she take pics of the other 4 and black out your baby's face?

Um, no, she doesn't have the right. In fact, as her child's parent, OP has every right to report the photo to Facebook, and they will take it down.

[Anonymous]

I have told people not to post any pictures of my children on the internet with identifying information. If you google my children's names, you will not be able to pull up their pictures nor where they live or go to school. They can do what they want at 18. You and DH have to decide what your policy will be. Some posters have also given examples of their policies. Facebook and social media is here to stay. Best to get ahead of future problems now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How petty, my gosh.

+1000

Teen mom?

[Anonymous]

If you didn't tell her not to, I don't know why she would assume she couldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How petty, my gosh.

+1000

Teen mom?

What a ridiculous comment. MIL was definitely in the wrong here-- it is the parent, and parent alone, who gets to decide how information about their child is shared online. I would bet that more older, well-educated moms are concerned about their child's digital footprint than teen moms are. Every time I see someone post their child's full name, birthdate, height, weight, and birth city I wonder if they realize how easy they make it to potentially steal their child's identity. Who checks the credit score of their 5 year old?

[Anonymous]

It's your 5th kid. Nobody cares anymore.
She did you a favor by trying to get excitement up surrounding the birth

[Anonymous]

^ and even if it wasn't your 5th and was your first and her 5th, it's big huge news to you and a few close people and not really to anyone else.
Seriously, I had 3 new babies on my FB feed today, someone got into MIT and someone's grandma died.
Lots of news.
And I have 3 kids, so I'm not bitter I'm just being realistic about his being a huge deal to the FB friends who found out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly you didn't post a single thing about your pregnancy on facebook, so she figured you'd never post a baby pic either. She does have a right as a grandma to post pics of her grandkids. I mean would she take pics of the other 4 and black out your baby's face?

Um, yeah, no, it's up to the parents.

You can take a picture of anyone you want and post it on FB. Someone may not like it, but you can certainly go to Safeway today's take someone's picture and post it on FB with the caption "went to Safeway today".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to look at it from a different perspective and then let it go: your mother did not announce that YOU had a baby. She announced that SHE has a grandchild.

It might not seem different to you, but it is. Let her share her joy, and try not to be vain and worried that it is an unflattering picture of you. NOBODY cares, I promise.

In fact, nobody care about this announcement as much as you so I would not worry that she "scooped you."

+1
Let it go.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

You had nine months to decide how to handle the birth of this child on social media and to communicate your wishes/boundaries with your inner circle.

Why didn't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly you didn't post a single thing about your pregnancy on facebook, so she figured you'd never post a baby pic either. She does have a right as a grandma to post pics of her grandkids. I mean would she take pics of the other 4 and black out your baby's face?

Um, yeah, no, it's up to the parents.

You can take a picture of anyone you want and post it on FB. Someone may not like it, but you can certainly go to Safeway today's take someone's picture and post it on FB with the caption "went to Safeway today".

And if this person finds out about it and wants it removed, FB will remove it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks for the comments. Still trying to decide if this is worth saying something over. Due to personalities involved, there isn't a way to mention it casually, it will no doubt turn into a confrontation with hurt feelings. Husband is more than happy to say something, but that would spark more of a confrontation than if I said something.

This behavior (clueless re etiquette) is pretty typical and I don't see it changing. She didn't mean any harm, but she just doesn't think and it's all about her. I'm leaning toward not bothering to say anything.

If this is the case, then don't complain about her scooping you, etc. You can just provide some guidance about future posts.

I also think that our parents' generation is still pretty new to all of this. Most of us in our 20s/30s/40s have moved way passed posting every exciting thing for everyone on our friends list to see, but our parents have not. Don't make an issue out of this, just be clear about what you'd like done in the future.

[Anonymous]

Good Lord, OP. THIS IS NOT A PROBLEM.