Road trip with boyfriend's family

[Anonymous]

Me and my BF are 28 years old. In the last week of March we need to go to on a 5 hour road trip to visit some family of his. Id like for us to get a rental car so we can be have our privacy. He wants us to drive with his mom dad and sister in the same car. I've done this before and it's been so awkward and uncomfortable. His sister and I don't really get along and I feel like I'm much too old to deal with this kind of car ride. BF insists that we ride with them since it'll be too expensive to get a rental. What does everyone think?

[Anonymous]

Check the price of a rental. If you can afford to pay for it, then do it. Otherwise, suck it up and hop in the car with his family.

Alternately, just stay home.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like a red flag about the relationship.

[Anonymous]

That's what made me end my relationship with my last boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm. First, is the BF helping his family by driving with them? Either helping to break up the drive or helping to cover gas and any tolls or both? Between my dad's health and my mom's dislike of driving long distances (parents are divorced) and both not having disposable income we often have family road trips to a relative's event like family reunion, baby shower, etc. if that is the case your choice is to go on the family road trip or stay home but there is no other delicate way to help out his family AND rent a car yourself and drive with BF.

If his family is in a good financial situation and your BF was not planning to help drive them then your option is to pay for the rental car and you be willing to drive 5 hours with the BF or stay home. If you are doing something for your comfort and your BF was perfectly fine with the initial plans then you need to step up and not expect someone else to make a sacrifice they don't willingly want to make. It's like when you want the bigger house (partner is happy where they are) but expect your partner to make more money to afford it rather than figuring out ways for you to earn more to afford it.

Not sure what the issues with the sister But if you go on the family board I think SIL issues are only slightly less common that MIL issues. Boundaries and respectful discourse are important but often people look at the bigger picture of kids having a relationship with cousins or whatever and short of a completely toxic relationship people go along to get along to a certain degree.

[Anonymous]

Why is it too expensive to get a rental? Where are you going and why? Taking the sister out of the equation, I would be very uncomfortable dating someone who couldn't afford a rental for 5 days (we're talking $300-ish). What's the real story? Why don't you get along with the SIL?

[Anonymous]

I think this is a difference of how you see family. I am with you in that I would not want to be squished in the car with these folks for 10-ish hours, because I don't want to be in the car with anyone for that long. But this is how his family gets down and you want to be part of it, you shit squished in the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it too expensive to get a rental? Where are you going and why? Taking the sister out of the equation, I would be very uncomfortable dating someone who couldn't afford a rental for 5 days (we're talking $300-ish). What's the real story? Why don't you get along with the SIL?

BF and I only bring in like 100k combined and most of his income goes to his student loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. First, is the BF helping his family by driving with them? Either helping to break up the drive or helping to cover gas and any tolls or both? Between my dad's health and my mom's dislike of driving long distances (parents are divorced) and both not having disposable income we often have family road trips to a relative's event like family reunion, baby shower, etc. if that is the case your choice is to go on the family road trip or stay home but there is no other delicate way to help out his family AND rent a car yourself and drive with BF.

If his family is in a good financial situation and your BF was not planning to help drive them then your option is to pay for the rental car and you be willing to drive 5 hours with the BF or stay home. If you are doing something for your comfort and your BF was perfectly fine with the initial plans then you need to step up and not expect someone else to make a sacrifice they don't willingly want to make. It's like when you want the bigger house (partner is happy where they are) but expect your partner to make more money to afford it rather than figuring out ways for you to earn more to afford it.

Not sure what the issues with the sister But if you go on the family board I think SIL issues are only slightly less common that MIL issues. Boundaries and respectful discourse are important but often people look at the bigger picture of kids having a relationship with cousins or whatever and short of a completely toxic relationship people go along to get along to a certain degree.

Nope. He wants to ride with them so that he can save some $$ and keep miles off his car.

[Anonymous]

I would save the money and go with the family. It would be a great bonding time and I can't see wasting the money and driving in the same direction as them. I think it would be a red flag for the family of you didn't ride with them.

[Anonymous]

I get you OP. I'd be uncomfortable in that situation too. But I can also see BF's point, especially if he's got student debt and money is tight. Nothing wrong with being sensible.

[Anonymous]

Me would rent a car.

[Anonymous]

Keep miles off his car?????
He sounds so cheap, yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me would rent a car.

+1000

[Anonymous]

My FIL drove like a maniac. He once took a trip with my MIL that would normally take more than 24 hours in 17 hours.

He bragged they only stopped once.

There is no way in hell I would ever take a trip with him driving. I love to drive so if I was allowed to do the drive, I'd go. I wouldn't enjoy the ride from the back seat clenching my teeth, butt, holding my breath trying not to scream but that's me.

Tell your boyfriend to stop being cheap.