What did your significant other plan for your 40th birthday?

[Anonymous]

The big 4-0 is coming up. It seems like lots of people use it as an occasion for a girl's trip or guy's trip or nice party. My spouse has planned nada. I mentioned going away on a trip with him, and he kind of acknowledged it, but then blew it off. I mentioned it again and he again was pretty disinterested and non-committal, so now I just feel like a huge loser for asking. There are no more hotels available for our destination now and tickets are too expensive anyway. I'd really like to do something special. After having a kid, I've lost a little bit of me, and I miss my friends and would love to do a girl's trip somewhere with them. Should I just scrap trying to pathetically coax DH into "making me feel special" (because asking someone to make you feel special is a perfect way to feel not-special) and do my own thing? Otherwise, looks like NOTHING is going to happen, and it will have come and gone. (And no, I highly doubt he is planning a surprise party for me).

[Anonymous]

If you want a girl's trip you would be planning that yourself anyway. He doesn't necessarily know who you want to invite and where you should go. If you have friends from other parts of the country, you'd need to coordinate. Also, it doesn't need to be on the date and "at your destination" at this point. Be creative.

[Anonymous]

Plan a girls trip!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want a girl's trip you would be planning that yourself anyway. He doesn't necessarily know who you want to invite and where you should go. If you have friends from other parts of the country, you'd need to coordinate. Also, it doesn't need to be on the date and "at your destination" at this point. Be creative.

Yes - he would not need to plan the girl's trip. Honestly, I'm thinking I could even do a solo trip if he would watch the kiddo.

[Anonymous]

You do what you want. If it is a a girls trip, trip with your husband, a giant party. you make it happen. Because sure as hell he isn't going to.

[Anonymous]

We had a trip to the theater (not in DC) and he bought a fancy French cake and champagne.

[Anonymous]

I'm 50. I didn't treat my 40th or 50th birthday any different than the other birthdays. I know other people do but it's just not that big a deal to me and I don't buy into shit that other people do. If you feel you've lost yourself or want to reconnect with something, then do it but don't make it a litmus test for your DH.

[Anonymous]

She planned nothing. My wife never recognizes my birthdays or fathers day. She likes for me to remember but its a one way transaction. Why is it that you girls always want the guy in your life to do stuff for you but you don't return the favor? Usually I try not to let it bother me. I figured this is plight of being a husband and father.... wife and kids don't remember your birthday. My mom never forgets though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She planned nothing. My wife never recognizes my birthdays or fathers day. She likes for me to remember but its a one way transaction. Why is it that you girls always want the guy in your life to do stuff for you but you don't return the favor? Usually I try not to let it bother me. I figured this is plight of being a husband and father.... wife and kids don't remember your birthday. My mom never forgets though.

Bro. You bought some of your own baggage into this thread, didn't you...

[Anonymous]

The title of your post should have been, " My husband can't read my mind".

What did you do for his 40th?

[Anonymous]

I just celebrated mine. Didn't expect any fancy party or trip since we're planning a nice vacation this summer.
H bought me flowers, cupcakes , and a nice necklace.

[Anonymous]

Nothing, but I'm not a birthdays are a milestone kind of girl because every day is important.

He got me the kitchen item I've been eyeballing, we had a weonderful dinner at home with a great bottle of wine. It was perfect.

If you're unhappy with your life, it's up to you to change it. Your husband planning you a birthday party like you're six won't change the bigger picture of your dissatisfaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The title of your post should have been, " My husband can't read my mind".

What did you do for his 40th?

I planned a surprise party that included his best buddy from college and his brother from across the country, I had a caterer, a bartender, a signature drink (his favorite), and I hired a murder mystery company.

I don't expect him to be a mind reader - on two occasions, I told him, "I want to go with you to x for my 40th birthday"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The big 4-0 is coming up. It seems like lots of people use it as an occasion for a girl's trip or guy's trip or nice party. My spouse has planned nada. I mentioned going away on a trip with him, and he kind of acknowledged it, but then blew it off. I mentioned it again and he again was pretty disinterested and non-committal, so now I just feel like a huge loser for asking. There are no more hotels available for our destination now and tickets are too expensive anyway. I'd really like to do something special. After having a kid, I've lost a little bit of me, and I miss my friends and would love to do a girl's trip somewhere with them. Should I just scrap trying to pathetically coax DH into "making me feel special" (because asking someone to make you feel special is a perfect way to feel not-special) and do my own thing? Otherwise, looks like NOTHING is going to happen, and it will have come and gone. (And no, I highly doubt he is planning a surprise party for me).

Yes - stop coaxing DH to do that and go and have a fun time doing whatever with your friends.
The vast majority of straight men and men who aren't acting in movies don't have a romantic/plan a getaway or even plan an exciting dinner bone in their body. Did you not notice this in 40 years? You clearly are one of those gals who had a surprise 16th birthday parties done thrown her (no offense, but, um, barf?) - who do you think planned this? Mom or dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The title of your post should have been, " My husband can't read my mind".

What did you do for his 40th?

I planned a surprise party that included his best buddy from college and his brother from across the country, I had a caterer, a bartender, a signature drink (his favorite), and I hired a murder mystery company.

I don't expect him to be a mind reader - on two occasions, I told him, "I want to go with you to x for my 40th birthday"

Yes - but doing that kind of thing does not mean that he will do that for you. Ever. Even if you ask. I'm telling you - virtually no men will do this. They are more likely to surprise you by mowing the lawn. A good man will come and help you if you've wrecked the car or gotten a flat tire - does he do stuff like that?
Does he shovel the driveway? Run to the store for milk if you ask? These are man things. Party planning? Not so much.