14yo just asked me to please stay out of bedroom

[Anonymous]

FWIW, the door is hardly ever closed. If DC is in there, I usually knock on the door jamb before I go in, but DC's talking about when no one's there. In order to maintain an apparently needed sense of privacy, DC prefers that I not to go in there. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, the door is hardly ever closed. If DC is in there, I usually knock on the door jamb before I go in, but DC's talking about when no one's there. In order to maintain an apparently needed sense of privacy, DC prefers that I not to go in there. Thoughts?

Suspicious and I would go their his/her room with them.

[Anonymous]

I wanted family to stay out of my room when I wasn't there when I was 14. I wasn't hiding anything, but somehow at that age privacy seemed very important. My parents humored me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wanted family to stay out of my room when I wasn't there when I was 14. I wasn't hiding anything, but somehow at that age privacy seemed very important. My parents humored me.

I agree. It was MY room, everybody else stay out.

[Anonymous]

I have a 14 year old too. You need to maintain healthy boundaries but also allow teens to set boundaries, too. Here's my perspective: as long as my tween and teen want to talk to me, maintain their grades, chores and room and keep active in their extracurricular activities, I give them a little more leeway every year. So the questions are:
*Does your teen come to you to talk about his life?
*Is the room clean, safe and orderly?
* Do you have security and access to teen's computers and electronics?
* Is your teen respecting boundaries of others and family rules?
* Do you trust your teen to act responsibly, legally and with a view toward future best interests?

If so, OK, don't come into the room so much, but still check occasionally because it's your house and your rules, but come in less and show the kid that you're giving your trust and as long as trust is respected, you will give more. Of course, the trust and privileges can be taken away if rules are broken or grades slide.

Also, do stuff together with your teen just the two of you. DH takes my teen with him to the gym and teen and I go on nightly walks after dinner to chat. These are times for teen to talk about school or news or issues. Checking in daily prevents drama and meltdowns later on.

Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

If you want "privacy" get your own place. Your phone, room, and car are actually mine.... I can look at them any time I want to, don't give me a reason to look.

Now if you want privacy, I will not barge into your room, I will not search your room, I will not read your text messages, I will not search your car.

But that is because I have no reason to do so.

Don't do anything that you don't want on the front page of the Washington Post, because if you do anything... it will at least make the Metro section. People love to see rich people's children in trouble.

Privacy... gmafb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want "privacy" get your own place. Your phone, room, and car are actually mine.... I can look at them any time I want to, don't give me a reason to look.

Now if you want privacy, I will not barge into your room, I will not search your room, I will not read your text messages, I will not search your car.

But that is because I have no reason to do so.

Don't do anything that you don't want on the front page of the Washington Post, because if you do anything... it will at least make the Metro section. People love to see rich people's children in trouble.

Privacy... gmafb

Yea, I fall on this (bolded) side of parenting too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 14 year old too. You need to maintain healthy boundaries but also allow teens to set boundaries, too. Here's my perspective: as long as my tween and teen want to talk to me, maintain their grades, chores and room and keep active in their extracurricular activities, I give them a little more leeway every year. So the questions are:
*Does your teen come to you to talk about his life?
*Is the room clean, safe and orderly?
* Do you have security and access to teen's computers and electronics?
* Is your teen respecting boundaries of others and family rules?
* Do you trust your teen to act responsibly, legally and with a view toward future best interests?

If so, OK, don't come into the room so much, but still check occasionally because it's your house and your rules, but come in less and show the kid that you're giving your trust and as long as trust is respected, you will give more. Of course, the trust and privileges can be taken away if rules are broken or grades slide.

Also, do stuff together with your teen just the two of you. DH takes my teen with him to the gym and teen and I go on nightly walks after dinner to chat. These are times for teen to talk about school or news or issues. Checking in daily prevents drama and meltdowns later on.

Hope this helps.

Excellent advice, PP.

It's a phase. My older DC got over it around 16.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, the door is hardly ever closed. If DC is in there, I usually knock on the door jamb before I go in, but DC's talking about when no one's there. In order to maintain an apparently needed sense of privacy, DC prefers that I not to go in there. Thoughts?

Suspicious and I would go their his/her room with them.

Masturbation isn't suspicious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, the door is hardly ever closed. If DC is in there, I usually knock on the door jamb before I go in, but DC's talking about when no one's there. In order to maintain an apparently needed sense of privacy, DC prefers that I not to go in there. Thoughts?

Suspicious and I would go their his/her room with them.

Masturbation isn't suspicious

The OP said this request is for when the 14yo isn't there. Keep up.

[Anonymous]

If you have reason to be suspicious of something, your first responsibility is to protect your kid (and search his room if necessary). If you don't, show him that you trust him by staying out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 14 year old too. You need to maintain healthy boundaries but also allow teens to set boundaries, too. Here's my perspective: as long as my tween and teen want to talk to me, maintain their grades, chores and room and keep active in their extracurricular activities, I give them a little more leeway every year. So the questions are:
*Does your teen come to you to talk about his life?
*Is the room clean, safe and orderly?
* Do you have security and access to teen's computers and electronics?
* Is your teen respecting boundaries of others and family rules?
* Do you trust your teen to act responsibly, legally and with a view toward future best interests?

If so, OK, don't come into the room so much, but still check occasionally because it's your house and your rules, but come in less and show the kid that you're giving your trust and as long as trust is respected, you will give more. Of course, the trust and privileges can be taken away if rules are broken or grades slide.

Also, do stuff together with your teen just the two of you. DH takes my teen with him to the gym and teen and I go on nightly walks after dinner to chat. These are times for teen to talk about school or news or issues. Checking in daily prevents drama and meltdowns later on.

Hope this helps.

This statement just about guarantees noncompliance-giving you carte blanche to do what you want.

[Anonymous]

You either believe that your child has the right to privacy or you don't. Even if you believe in that right there can be circumstances that outweigh it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want "privacy" get your own place. Your phone, room, and car are actually mine.... I can look at them any time I want to, don't give me a reason to look.

Now if you want privacy, I will not barge into your room, I will not search your room, I will not read your text messages, I will not search your car.

But that is because I have no reason to do so.

Don't do anything that you don't want on the front page of the Washington Post, because if you do anything... it will at least make the Metro section. People love to see rich people's children in trouble.

Privacy... gmafb

Yea, I fall on this (bolded) side of parenting too.

+1

[Anonymous]

Normal and appropriate. Do you expect your child to stay out of your bedroom unless it's an emergency? If yes, than reciprocate.