How Do You Do It?

[Anonymous]

Today was my first day alone with a toddler and new baby. I was fine until noon. I put the toddler down for a nap, rubbing his back while breastfeeding. I thought the fact I pulled that off meant I was gifted at this, not the case. By the time I finished breastfeeding and sat down to eat my toddler woke up. What is usually a two hour nap was only a 45 minute nap. Once I changed him and brought him downstairs the baby wanted to eat again. It all went downhill from there.

I spent the next 8 hours trying to breastfeed while keeping my toddler off the media consule, off the coffee table, out of the blinds, stop him from ramming into the baby gate and busting into the kitchen, and keeping him from throwing the bouncy seat across the room (with and without the baby in it). I am mentally exhausted from what started as me kindly explaing to toddler he cannot do these things to me screaming at him so loud my throat now hurts. I can't jump up while feeding and I feel like the toddler knows this. He goes from loving the baby to trying to assault him with a toy or his head. I can't leave the room, so even if I can get the baby down in his bouncy seat, I have to sit next to it. I tried putting baby in a sling but my toddler just goes insane, only getting into things he knows are off limits.

So obvioulsly there is a little acting out which I expected but I am so mentally drained I want to, and did, cry. I am ashamed I screamed at my toddler as much as I did, I am sad I raised my voice, I am tired now and cannot sleep. I want to breast feed but I feel like doing it makes it impossible to get anything done or to interact with my toddler. How on earth do I do this without going insane and making my toddler feel like poop? I am not a yeller so he basically laughed at me when I raised my voice, in no way did he get I was angry or serious. How do you manage two kids? What is your secret because I cannot spend another day feeling the way I did today.

[Anonymous]

the first day is the hardest. i barely remember it -- my little one is 4 -- but it will get better. unless your toddler has always been that challenging, he will probably settle down as you settle into a routine. this isn't very helpful -- it's not advice -- but as you feel your way into it he will too. it really gets so much easier. i promise. sorry it was so hard today -- try to sleep tonight, at least some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the first day is the hardest. i barely remember it -- my little one is 4 -- but it will get better. unless your toddler has always been that challenging, he will probably settle down as you settle into a routine. this isn't very helpful -- it's not advice -- but as you feel your way into it he will too. it really gets so much easier. i promise. sorry it was so hard today -- try to sleep tonight, at least some.

Thank you. I'm justing sitting here crying while everyone sleeps. I can't believe I yelled so much at my little guy. I was breastfeeding and kept having to jump up and just lost it. By the time DH got home I was in a ball on the sofa crying my eyes out. Between being exhausted and not being able to get anything done I feel like a loser and a bad parent. I know I am neither, but I feel very shitty right now.

Thank you for the kind words, I really needed them.

[Anonymous]

Overtime I was amazed how I could just jump up, sit the toddler down, and still have the baby at the breast. It takes time to get things under control, and to get used to the new routine. The hardest part for me was always getting dressed. Both kids seemed to need things from me, one after the other, and constantly. There were times when my husband would come home from work and I was still in my pajamas from the night before. The only priority, other than the kids, was making sure my teeth were brushed.

Give it some time, it will get better. Try and take a breath and count to three before yelling. I have yelled at my kids to the point of my throat hurting, and it really helps no one. It makes me feel guilty, the kids feel hurt, and it never improves the behaviour.

[zumbamama]

aw...cyber hugs! I think we've all had days like that. It will get easier as PP states. Maybe keep several projects nearby that the older one can concentrate on when you have to focus on the younger one. Age friendly legos, or writing sheets, musical keyboard, art stuff...or I make a little booklet out of folded paper and have them illustrate a book. 20 minutes of quiet, at least! And at 3, I had DS typing letters on the keyboard while I BF'd. Another 20 minutes of quiet.

Tomorrow's a new day, and you'll find a way to make it flow better. Go to sleep...and rest up for round 2.

[Anonymous]

How old is your toddler? Old enough that you can send them to their room for "quiet time"? My first was incredibly helpful with my second but I can already tell, with number three on the way, that the "middle child" is going to be a handful. I'm fully prepared to let the tv do it's job during the first couple of weeks of settling into a routine. I'm also trying to come up with activities he can do that he enjoys while I am taking care of the baby's needs. Also, don't be afraid to ask for help. I have some lovely friends who keep telling me they'll take both my kids when the baby comes and I've finally realized that yes, I HAVE to do this, for all of our sanity!!

[Anonymous]

Your post has me a little scared. DC1 is 13 months and I'm due with DC2 in 6 weeks. Part of me hopes that DC1 is too young to really act out bc she doesnt get the whole jealously thing, but at the same time, she's also too young to be disciplined - she gets when I say no, but just cries and it usually requires me to get up and move her elsewhere (which will be more difficult to do when nursing a newborn).

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Hi - My son was 13 months when my daughter was born and although he might have been a bit younger to understand or be jealous, it was tough trying to bf and keep him out of danger since he had just learned how to walk. Needless to say the breastfeeding did not last more than a month and he did not do half the things you mentioned however he turned from a great sleeper to a horrendous one and it was killing me - then my baby turned colicky (milk protein issues). Well - one day I could not take it anymore and had to use the FERBER technique with my son and in 3 days he was a new kid. I hired part time help for my sanity and so I can spend one on one time with him - if you cant hire anyone - do you have family that can help? I dont which why I had to hire someone to watch the baby. Eventually things got alot easier and now they play together and take long naps at the same time and life is good. You need a routine and it will take a few weeks to establish one - also - I hate to say it but will TV distract your toddler while you breastfeed? Can you go out to a park when the weather is nice and let him burn off energy while you hang with the baby? There were days that I could not take it anymore and put them both in the stroller and went for LONNNNNG walks until they both fell asleep - it was so peaceful. Until your baby is on a schedule, just hang in there

[Anonymous]

I learned to nurse while wearing the baby in a sling. That helped so much!

Otherwise I agree with everything everyone else said.

[Anonymous]

You're not a bad mom. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Hugs to you. I agree with the other posters that you sound like you are a good mom, indeed. I can't give you advice because I'm in a different boat. I have infant twins, which is hard and everyone wonders how it can be done, but honestly I often wonder if my friends with one infant and one toddler have it harder. Of course, when I have two toddlers maybe that all changes.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. I got to sleep at 3am but not before I say here and cried for a few hours. I feel prepared for my day, but it goes downhill while I nurse. My toddler just gets into everything. There is very little that is not childproofed in my house but he seems to gravitate towards the items that he should leave alone. The bouncy seat, the coffee table, the blinds. After the 20th time (not exaggerating) it just makes me crazy. I have tried crayons, color forms, snacks, dvds. Nursing takes forever, my toddler always needs something while I am nursing and I just get frustrated. I guess in time we'll settle into a routine. Thank you all for the hugs, I really need them right now.

[Anonymous]

Try not to get discouraged. I've been there too (I have 2 boys less than 2 years apart). It was rough the first 6 months or so, but it DOES get better. You are not a bad mom. We all have our moments when we yell at our toddlers and don't have the patience we'd like to have.

Just take it one day at a time and know that things will eventually get better.

As for the nursing, have you tried sitting your toddler in front of the TV? I know what people say - that TV for a 2 year old is bad - but that is seriously the only way I could get my oldest to sit still while I nursed. Playhouse Disney and Noggin were my favorites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I got to sleep at 3am but not before I say here and cried for a few hours. I feel prepared for my day, but it goes downhill while I nurse. My toddler just gets into everything. There is very little that is not childproofed in my house but he seems to gravitate towards the items that he should leave alone. The bouncy seat, the coffee table, the blinds. After the 20th time (not exaggerating) it just makes me crazy. I have tried crayons, color forms, snacks, dvds. Nursing takes forever, my toddler always needs something while I am nursing and I just get frustrated. I guess in time we'll settle into a routine. Thank you all for the hugs, I really need them right now.

Your child is VERY SMART. He wants your attention. You are busy with the new baby, so he knows to go for exactly what will make you have to get up and attend to him. He is going for the stuff he knows you can't ignore! SMART little boy.

Big hugs, the next few weeks will be the hardest and then it'll get a little easier day by day. (The baby will not need so much time to nurse, and then things get a lot easier.)

I see you have already tried the snacks, DVDs etc. I was the person who suggested nursing with the baby in a sling. It really made a huge difference. If you snug the baby right up, after you get the baby in place to nurse, you can walk around while the baby is nursing. I was able to walk my son to preschool every morning while nursing the baby. I know it takes a bit of practice and isn't for everyone, but it seems like it might be worth trying in your situation.

If you want to try it -- use a sling that has metal rings and is basically a piece of cloth (like a Maya wrap). I learned to do it by startinng without any top on (so I didn't have to fuss with the baby and clothes). Basically you get the baby almost in nursing position with the sling, then let him latch on and start nursing. You are supporting him with on hand, but the sling is doing most of the supporting. Then with your other hand, you snug the sling up totally so you can remove your supporting arm. It takes a bit of adjustment, but with a ring sling carrier, once you have it basically in the right position, you can just pop the baby into the same basic position each time. I probably nursed my second baby in that sling 4 or 5 times a day, because my toddler kept me so busy.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

videos on how to adjust a ring carrier like a maya wrap-

http://www.mayawrap.com/u_maya_wrap_101.php#