How Do You Do It?

[Anonymous]

It is really hard, I feel for you. The other thing I tried was that my toddler knew that I couldn't come after her when I was on the couch bf, so I tried not to yell or tell her not to do stuff unless I could back it up by coming over there and stopping her or redirecting. The other thing we did was got some hooks up on the wall for the blind cords. Then every morning, first thing, I would raise the blinds, and put the cords on the hooks. Like you said, it drives you flipping crazy to say a million times to quit playing with the blinds, so I tried to eliminate them from the equation as best I could. Also, I eventually would try to get out, maybe just a short walk outside in the double stroller or the baby in a sling and the toddler in the stroller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today was my first day alone with a toddler and new baby. I was fine until noon. I put the toddler down for a nap, rubbing his back while breastfeeding. I thought the fact I pulled that off meant I was gifted at this, not the case. By the time I finished breastfeeding and sat down to eat my toddler woke up. What is usually a two hour nap was only a 45 minute nap. Once I changed him and brought him downstairs the baby wanted to eat again. It all went downhill from there.

I spent the next 8 hours trying to breastfeed while keeping my toddler off the media consule, off the coffee table, out of the blinds, stop him from ramming into the baby gate and busting into the kitchen, and keeping him from throwing the bouncy seat across the room (with and without the baby in it). I am mentally exhausted from what started as me kindly explaing to toddler he cannot do these things to me screaming at him so loud my throat now hurts. I can't jump up while feeding and I feel like the toddler knows this. He goes from loving the baby to trying to assault him with a toy or his head. I can't leave the room, so even if I can get the baby down in his bouncy seat, I have to sit next to it. I tried putting baby in a sling but my toddler just goes insane, only getting into things he knows are off limits.

So obvioulsly there is a little acting out which I expected but I am so mentally drained I want to, and did, cry. I am ashamed I screamed at my toddler as much as I did, I am sad I raised my voice, I am tired now and cannot sleep. I want to breast feed but I feel like doing it makes it impossible to get anything done or to interact with my toddler. How on earth do I do this without going insane and making my toddler feel like poop? I am not a yeller so he basically laughed at me when I raised my voice, in no way did he get I was angry or serious. How do you manage two kids? What is your secret because I cannot spend another day feeling the way I did today.

preschool. my toddler was in preschool from 9-1:30pm.

[Anonymous]

I was in your boat. My older child is autistic and was severely developmentally delayed so it felt like I had two under 1 rather than two under 2. I was a mess. I could barely function. I quit breastfeeding at 5 months I just didn;t have it in me anymore.

It got better. Not necessarily easier but learned to cope.

Hang in there. I know this may not be much help, but you will make it through it. Watch out for signs of postpartum depression as well. Being overwhelmed is normal but if you find yourself unable to function you may need to discuss this with your OB.

I ended up having a babysitter twice a week for 3 hours for the older one until she too couldn't deal with him anymore. It helped in those early months.

[Anonymous]

This is why I spaced mine 3 years apart. This sounds like a nightmare. This was not my experience.

[Anonymous]

but even that is not a guarantee that the older child won't act up to get attention.

Yep, it was a nightmare. It wasn't planned this way and when I got pregnant my child wasn't diagnosed yet. I couldn't have known that at almost 2 he would still be like a 12 month old.

But hey, I survived, and so will OP

[Anonymous]

I can feel your pain....A babysitter and getting out of the house a bit are all excellent suggestions. Another thing that worked for me was TV. I could breastfeed while my oldest was watching Sesame Street. I know that TV watching is not great, but I figure the 15 minutes of TV was better than me yelling at him the whole time. Also, my pedi recommended putting together a bag of special activities - coloring book, etc - that was only taken out for the oldest to play with while I was feeding. This way it would always keep his interest for a bit. BTW - just had my 3rd. It is much easier because the oldest and middle children can entertain each other while I am feeding.

[Anonymous]

IT IS SO HARD, isnt it???
OMG I remember those days well. It will get better then it will get worse (when baby crawls!!!) then it will get soooo much better. Mine are 1.5 and 3.5 now and I can BREATHE FINALLY!!!!

You will get through it. Maybe TV during breastfeeding?
Or music? Or maybe you have to pull baby off boob once in a while during the feed. baby will be ok! Toddlers cant really be disciplined or trained. Keeping your cool is the ONLY WAY to manage but it is SO HARD. I recall screaming and crying, too.
Do breathing exercises, close your eyes and count. Do whatever you can to stay cool. Unless toddler is really going to get hurt or break something you may have to just let him go a bit wild and ignore him.
YOU ARE NORMAL!!!! This is the hardest shit in the world. Makes my old corporate job look like a walk in the park!!

[Anonymous]

The preschool idea isn't actually a bad suggestion, if you can afford it and get into one. Also, what about hiring a mother's helper, even just a few days a week? With schools getting out soon, I bet you can find a local teenager who can lend a hand. I do think your toddler could benefit from some interaction with children his/her age or even another adult. Good luck and hang in there, you're doing great!!

[Anonymous]

My secret is that I got help with my older child. Even for a few weeks, it can make a difference. The double stroller also helped. I stuffed both of them into it, and started walking in any direction! Just to get out of the house with both of them was an accomplishment. They are older now, and life is much much better. But I remember those days when the minutes ticked by like hours!

Perhaps move the coffee table to the attic or basement for a while until things settle down. Your toddler needs room to move, and the more space the better. I put a climbing toy in my living room for a while, which helped. It was one of those outdoor plastic mini-playsets with a small slide. I put it on a big king-sized comforter. It kept my older child occupied at times, even though it looked incongruous indoors. I wasn't having any dinner parties, so it didn't matter.

[Anonymous]

I meant to add that climbing is almost a compulsion for toddlers. They need to climb, especially boys. Providing them something safe to climb on can save your sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:videos on how to adjust a ring carrier like a maya wrap-

http://www.mayawrap.com/u_maya_wrap_101.php#

Thanks this is great. I have an Ergo, hotsling and an Infantino sling which kind of has rings but they are plastic. I'm going to give this a shot.

All of your responses make me feel better, and now I know I'm not alone. This happens to all of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I spaced mine 3 years apart. This sounds like a nightmare. This was not my experience.

Um, thanks for the input... I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I spaced mine 3 years apart. This sounds like a nightmare. This was not my experience.

Um, thanks for the input... I think.

Your post is much more polite than what I was going to say to this one...

[Anonymous]

How is your husband handling things? Is he helping when he's around and is he acting put upon? I'm asking bc I'm in a similar situation, but we are both off work (he'll be going back soon bc paternity leave is short). He is helping, but the whining is killing me. It actually adds to my stress level a lot that I don't think he's being the team player I need, but I am just glad to have someone chasing the toddler most of the time. Ugh, please tell me my marriage will go back to normal at some point. The infant/toddler times are feeling endless in that regard. And yes, I am communicating with him about all of my feelings, needs, etc. Part of the problem is that he is now having to sleep with the toddler, who we cannot seem to get into the crib at night. I guess I am going to have to take drastic measures on that front. It has just felt too tough to tackle at the end of pregnancy and now with a new born. Ok, sorry about all the rambling. OP-I totally empathize and PPs, thanks for your pep talks. I know it will be fine eventually!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I spaced mine 3 years apart. This sounds like a nightmare. This was not my experience.

Why even comment? It isn't as if she can change her mind and give the baby back. You are such an ass.