Mom Cliques. I had no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is wild! Did OP ever explain if she was friends with several of these women or not???

OP Here—Yes. Two of the moms that live in my subdivision are always invited to all of the events I host and I have been invited to their events as well. They live in my subdivision. There were three other moms that I am always friendly with, no issues.

So...you knew 1/3 of the people at the event...got it.

Logic says those 5 were not the hosts of this outing. Perhaps one of the other 10 that OP barely knows. Shocking. It would never occur to me to be put out that people I barely know didn't invite me to some random get together. But, hurt people have to hurt people, or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is wild! Did OP ever explain if she was friends with several of these women or not???

OP Here—Yes. Two of the moms that live in my subdivision are always invited to all of the events I host and I have been invited to their events as well. They live in my subdivision. There were three other moms that I am always friendly with, no issues.

So...you knew 1/3 of the people at the event...got it.

Some of you have poor reading comprehension skills.

She knows all the women at the event -- they are all women whose kids go to the same elementary school, and all but one of the women have kids in the same grades as her kids.

She also knows two of the women well and considers them friends (or did) -- they live in the same subdivision and are the only women in that subdivision with elementary age kids (thus the only ones at the bus stop).

Additionally, she is on more friendly terms (not as close but clearly OP considers them friends) with three more women in the group, but she doesn't know/see them as much as the other two because they are not neighbors.

So OP knows all the women, knows 2 very well, another 5 fairly well, and interacts with almost all the others regularly due to having kids in the same classes.

I still think OP overreacted to seeing these women all together without her, BUT I think when you understand her relationship to these women, it becomes more obvious as to why she felt excluded. It was not some random group of 15 women. It was a group of women she knew, some fairly well, and all from a community she is also a part of. It's understandable that discovering they were hanging out in this way but no including her would feel weird to her.

It would be like walking into a trivia night on a Tuesday and discovering that 10-15 of your coworkers, including 5 who you considered yourself to be friends with, are there together on the same team. It's not that they are required to include you, but it's going to feel weird that they've never even mentioned it, especially the ones you are closer to.

I can't believe I'm still trying to explain this to people. It just seems self-evident to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is wild! Did OP ever explain if she was friends with several of these women or not???

OP Here—Yes. Two of the moms that live in my subdivision are always invited to all of the events I host and I have been invited to their events as well. They live in my subdivision. There were three other moms that I am always friendly with, no issues.

So...you knew 1/3 of the people at the event...got it.

Logic says those 5 were not the hosts of this outing. Perhaps one of the other 10 that OP barely knows. Shocking. It would never occur to me to be put out that people I barely know didn't invite me to some random get together. But, hurt people have to hurt people, or something.

At this point we have pretty much universal agreement that OP over-reacted, that nothing suggests an actual clique, etc. All we are arguing about is the tone and words we should have used to tell OP that. Yawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday! LMAO! Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. 🥳

I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. 🤩

They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. 😬 I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. 🙃🥸 Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday!

😆 Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is wild! Did OP ever explain if she was friends with several of these women or not???

OP Here—Yes. Two of the moms that live in my subdivision are always invited to all of the events I host and I have been invited to their events as well. They live in my subdivision. There were three other moms that I am always friendly with, no issues.

So...you knew 1/3 of the people at the event...got it.

Some of you have poor reading comprehension skills.

She knows all the women at the event -- they are all women whose kids go to the same elementary school, and all but one of the women have kids in the same grades as her kids.

She also knows two of the women well and considers them friends (or did) -- they live in the same subdivision and are the only women in that subdivision with elementary age kids (thus the only ones at the bus stop).

Additionally, she is on more friendly terms (not as close but clearly OP considers them friends) with three more women in the group, but she doesn't know/see them as much as the other two because they are not neighbors.

So OP knows all the women, knows 2 very well, another 5 fairly well, and interacts with almost all the others regularly due to having kids in the same classes.

I still think OP overreacted to seeing these women all together without her, BUT I think when you understand her relationship to these women, it becomes more obvious as to why she felt excluded. It was not some random group of 15 women. It was a group of women she knew, some fairly well, and all from a community she is also a part of. It's understandable that discovering they were hanging out in this way but no including her would feel weird to her.

It would be like walking into a trivia night on a Tuesday and discovering that 10-15 of your coworkers, including 5 who you considered yourself to be friends with, are there together on the same team. It's not that they are required to include you, but it's going to feel weird that they've never even mentioned it, especially the ones you are closer to.

I can't believe I'm still trying to explain this to people. It just seems self-evident to me.

Honestly most of us wish you’d stop trying. It’s ok. Really. We’re good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday! LMAO! Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. 🥳

I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. 🤩

They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. 😬 I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. 🙃🥸 Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday!

😆 Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

Aaaaaand GO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday! LMAO! Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. 🥳

I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. 🤩

They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. 😬 I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. 🙃🥸 Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday!

😆 Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

This is actually amazing because I really do think a lot of the people flipping out on the thread were just having some kind of knee jerk reaction to that weird green emoji. Like I think that emoji is ambiguous and people read all kinds of things into it that weren't really there.

It's a good object lesson in being thoughtful with your emoji usage! Also I wish Jeff would update the emojis available in the DCUM post editor. If I'm on my phone I can easily add whatever emoji I want, but if on my computer it's awkward to do so and I'm stuck with the ones in the editor, none of which are emoji I'd normally use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is wild! Did OP ever explain if she was friends with several of these women or not???

OP Here—Yes. Two of the moms that live in my subdivision are always invited to all of the events I host and I have been invited to their events as well. They live in my subdivision. There were three other moms that I am always friendly with, no issues.

So...you knew 1/3 of the people at the event...got it.

Some of you have poor reading comprehension skills.

She knows all the women at the event -- they are all women whose kids go to the same elementary school, and all but one of the women have kids in the same grades as her kids.

She also knows two of the women well and considers them friends (or did) -- they live in the same subdivision and are the only women in that subdivision with elementary age kids (thus the only ones at the bus stop).

Additionally, she is on more friendly terms (not as close but clearly OP considers them friends) with three more women in the group, but she doesn't know/see them as much as the other two because they are not neighbors.

So OP knows all the women, knows 2 very well, another 5 fairly well, and interacts with almost all the others regularly due to having kids in the same classes.

I still think OP overreacted to seeing these women all together without her, BUT I think when you understand her relationship to these women, it becomes more obvious as to why she felt excluded. It was not some random group of 15 women. It was a group of women she knew, some fairly well, and all from a community she is also a part of. It's understandable that discovering they were hanging out in this way but no including her would feel weird to her.

It would be like walking into a trivia night on a Tuesday and discovering that 10-15 of your coworkers, including 5 who you considered yourself to be friends with, are there together on the same team. It's not that they are required to include you, but it's going to feel weird that they've never even mentioned it, especially the ones you are closer to.

I can't believe I'm still trying to explain this to people. It just seems self-evident to me.

I have no idea if this is correct or not (I'm not that invested). But assuming it is, you're missing the point! These 16 women do not all have a common thread. They don't all live in the subdivision, they don't all have kids in the same class as OP, they don't all have kids in the same girl scout troup, etc. It's a random mish mash of women, and OP knows a few of them from here, a few of them from there. Your most makes it LESS obvious, not more, why OP would feel excluded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday! LMAO! Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. 🥳

I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. 🤩

They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. 😬 I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. 🙃🥸 Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday!

😆 Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having lunch at a winery on Friday. I was just there to meet with someone about an event I’m planning, and I work, so it would have been impossible for me to join them for wine, but still, it felt kind of surprising seeing them all having fun together in the middle of the school day! Maybe I’m a little jealous or just feeling left out, I don’t know, but can anyone relate? Anything I could have done or said to make the encounter not feel so awkward?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday! LMAO! Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. 🥳

I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. 🤩

They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. 😬 I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. 🙃🥸 Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday!

😆 Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having lunch at a winery on Friday. I was just there to meet with someone about an event I’m planning, and I work, so it would have been impossible for me to join them for wine, but still, it felt kind of surprising seeing them all having fun together in the middle of the school day! Maybe I’m a little jealous or just feeling left out, I don’t know, but can anyone relate? Anything I could have done or said to make the encounter not feel so awkward?

Also good. Breaks help too. It’s challenging reading a block of text when it’s clearly emotionally driven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is wild! Did OP ever explain if she was friends with several of these women or not???

OP Here—Yes. Two of the moms that live in my subdivision are always invited to all of the events I host and I have been invited to their events as well. They live in my subdivision. There were three other moms that I am always friendly with, no issues.

So...you knew 1/3 of the people at the event...got it.

Logic says those 5 were not the hosts of this outing. Perhaps one of the other 10 that OP barely knows. Shocking. It would never occur to me to be put out that people I barely know didn't invite me to some random get together. But, hurt people have to hurt people, or something.

At this point we have pretty much universal agreement that OP over-reacted, that nothing suggests an actual clique, etc. All we are arguing about is the tone and words we should have used to tell OP that. Yawn.

Wait, are we? A bunch of us here are thinking: why are 2-3 active posters thinking they speak for the rest of us....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of what the full details of the scenario actually were, it boils down to this:

If your first reaction was judgment rather than empathy, or at least sympathy, you are a part of the "Mean Girl" stereotype.

I understand that some PPs were rude in their delivery, but why wouldn't it make OP feel BETTER, not worse, to know that the majority of those hearing about this encounter, including Jeff, do NOT think these women were a clique, mean, or exclusionary?

But a few were really rabid about it, created massive analyses about OP’s character and experience.

Probably because of OP’s delivery! LMAO! They felt soo awkward about it! Bus stop will be INTERESTING! Emoji!
Why so brash? And how can OP know how they felt? What sane person would text a follow up?

I mean, I hope OP is trolling, or maybe had the experience but is being tongue in cheek, but ugh.

The irony of you drawing all kinds of conclusions about OP based on word choice in a brief DCUM post, but then claiming that OP could not possibly intuit whether there was an awkward vibe based on an in person interaction with women she knows/has met before. You and so many others are acting like you know everything about OP's character based on a few posts here, but when she says "they looked uber awkward" you're freaking out and saying she couldn't possibly KNOW that and what is her evidence.

No. I'm permitted to bring both common sense and my life experiences to interpret OP's or any other post. All signs point to OP being socially inept and immature and her therefore misinterpreting the situation and/or creating the awkwardness herself.

(Also, even if there was some palpable awkwardness it still does not mean these women are a clique or that OP was excluded.)

You are filtering very little info through your own biases. And if you are defending being unkind on the internet and tearing down OP because you deem her immature or socially inept, well, perhaps you should look in the mirror. Mean and immature on your part.

DP. I’ve read and reread the OP at least 5 times now, trying really hard to understand what some of you are trying to defend, and each time she sounds worse and worse. She might be a lovely person in real life and is just not good at relaying a story, but as far as this thread goes, her choice of words just don’t make a great case for her. If that makes me mean and immature, so be it.

We aren't trying to "defend" OP so much as ask that if you have helpful advice for someone you think is struggling socially, why can you not relay that in a kinder manner. Some of the posts on this thread are harsh and unnecessary. Just because it's anonymous you unload?

And some of you are really making some assumptions that seem...overstepping. That is all.

But OP didn’t ask for advice. She came out swinging, with that stupid green emoji and ALL CAPS and four ????s in a row. If the responses seemed harsh, they were just responding in kind.

Absolutely not. Swinging? More like joking. And if she didn't ask for advice, and rather to share stories, why are you handing down the tough love BS?

Give me a break. Whatever you think the OP is, you are worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday! LMAO! Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. 🥳

I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. 🤩

They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. 😬 I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. 🙃🥸 Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday!

😆 Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having lunch at a winery on Friday. I was just there to meet with someone about an event I’m planning, and I work, so it would have been impossible for me to join them for wine, but still, it felt kind of surprising seeing them all having fun together in the middle of the school day! Maybe I’m a little jealous or just feeling left out, I don’t know, but can anyone relate? Anything I could have done or said to make the encounter not feel so awkward?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of what the full details of the scenario actually were, it boils down to this:

If your first reaction was judgment rather than empathy, or at least sympathy, you are a part of the "Mean Girl" stereotype.

I understand that some PPs were rude in their delivery, but why wouldn't it make OP feel BETTER, not worse, to know that the majority of those hearing about this encounter, including Jeff, do NOT think these women were a clique, mean, or exclusionary?

But a few were really rabid about it, created massive analyses about OP’s character and experience.

Probably because of OP’s delivery! LMAO! They felt soo awkward about it! Bus stop will be INTERESTING! Emoji!
Why so brash? And how can OP know how they felt? What sane person would text a follow up?

I mean, I hope OP is trolling, or maybe had the experience but is being tongue in cheek, but ugh.

The irony of you drawing all kinds of conclusions about OP based on word choice in a brief DCUM post, but then claiming that OP could not possibly intuit whether there was an awkward vibe based on an in person interaction with women she knows/has met before. You and so many others are acting like you know everything about OP's character based on a few posts here, but when she says "they looked uber awkward" you're freaking out and saying she couldn't possibly KNOW that and what is her evidence.

No. I'm permitted to bring both common sense and my life experiences to interpret OP's or any other post. All signs point to OP being socially inept and immature and her therefore misinterpreting the situation and/or creating the awkwardness herself.

(Also, even if there was some palpable awkwardness it still does not mean these women are a clique or that OP was excluded.)

You are filtering very little info through your own biases. And if you are defending being unkind on the internet and tearing down OP because you deem her immature or socially inept, well, perhaps you should look in the mirror. Mean and immature on your part.

DP. I’ve read and reread the OP at least 5 times now, trying really hard to understand what some of you are trying to defend, and each time she sounds worse and worse. She might be a lovely person in real life and is just not good at relaying a story, but as far as this thread goes, her choice of words just don’t make a great case for her. If that makes me mean and immature, so be it.

We aren't trying to "defend" OP so much as ask that if you have helpful advice for someone you think is struggling socially, why can you not relay that in a kinder manner. Some of the posts on this thread are harsh and unnecessary. Just because it's anonymous you unload?

And some of you are really making some assumptions that seem...overstepping. That is all.

But OP didn’t ask for advice. She came out swinging, with that stupid green emoji and ALL CAPS and four ????s in a row. If the responses seemed harsh, they were just responding in kind.

Absolutely not. Swinging? More like joking. And if she didn't ask for advice, and rather to share stories, why are you handing down the tough love BS?

Give me a break. Whatever you think the OP is, you are worse.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is wild! Did OP ever explain if she was friends with several of these women or not???

OP Here—Yes. Two of the moms that live in my subdivision are always invited to all of the events I host and I have been invited to their events as well. They live in my subdivision. There were three other moms that I am always friendly with, no issues.

Thanks for the context. I think you should have put that in the first post to give the story more context, because it now it does sound more like a deliberate snub than it did before when you left that part out. What can you do? The organizer apparently doesn't know you well enough or like you enough to invite you, and your two subdivision friends either didn't feel they had the pull to invite you, or they didn't want to. That is life. Now you have an excuse to not invite certain people in the future, if that's the route you want to go. One petty turn deserves another.

OMG, why would it be their responsibility to add someone else to an invite list of at least 15 people? Who gets invited to a party and then says "oh, can you please also invite Susan, Janie, and Cara? Thanks!" NO ONE. NO ONE DOES THAT.