Mom Cliques. I had no idea.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

OP provided zero evidence that these women purposefully excluded her. None. If it had been there, don't you think she would have included it in her posts?

This is not court, you aren't a prosecutor. No one ever provides "evidence" of any interpersonal reaction on this website, it's anonymous and who has the time.

OP *felt* excluded. That's the subject of the thread. Sure, she might have misinterpreted the situation, always possible. But the idea that it's her job to prove to you that her feelings accurately reflected what happened is silly, because she could never do so.

She saw a big group of women from her kids' school, including a few people she considers close friends, and she felt excluded. The end. There is no point in litigating that. If you want to say "I think you probably misinterpreted this situation and are overreacting" that's fine. But demanding evidence to prove that her perception of the situation is correct? It's hostile and misguided. I hate it when people do this in threads because it just bogs them down in "I don't believe OP, OP is a sociopath, OP is a troll" and nothing fruitful is discussed. If you don't believe an OP, just... don't respond to the thread. It's that easy.

Um, yes, people provide "evidence" of things on here all the time. It's called giving people the facts. It wouldn't have taken that long for OP to do that. She spent the time posting emojis, using all bold type, and hitting at least one additional button for all the punctuation she used. Explaining what exactly had happened would have taken less time.

Everyone who said OP was misinterpreting the situation and overreacted was called names. So that's how that worked out.

+1

She asserts that the others “felt awkward” but how the heck does she know how others are feeling?

If she said shared that she went over to say hi and they ignored her or were short with her or gave her a nasty look and walked away she’d have a point. But why not share if that is what happened vs a vague assertion that she knows what is in the mind of other people. I think she was projecting her feelings onto them most likely.

The number of you who seem to think this is a court of law and you've been asked to come and assess the validity of OP's feelings is amazing.

I tend to believe that OP was excluded in some way and the other women looked awkward, specifically because she didn't provide an airtight story with perfect facts that would prove to you once and for all that this women definitely excluded her. Her story rings true to me because she's not trying to present it in this perfect way that will satisfy a bunch of people who are determined to say she had no right to feel the way she did.

Does that mean the other women are terrible? No! I've been in the group that left someone out before. I am not a terrible person and in most cases I either didn't know someone had been left out or I felt there was a good reason for doing it. But also -- I bet it didn't feel good for those women.

You can believe OP that it was awkward and that she felt bad without needing to call in the National Guard to investigate exactly what happened here.

Okay well just like you believe OP’s story rings true, I do not believe her based on the lack of supportive facts and overreactive text message (nearly everyone agrees on the latter part). My personal take is that someone who sends that type of message is an over-reactor based on subjective feelings and not a reliable narrator of objective facts.

We’ll just have to disagree. Such is the nature of discussion boards. Because I have a different take doesn’t mean I’m treating it like a court of law. I’m just interpreting the same post in a different way as are many others.

I agree with you that it's fine if we disagree. I don't have a problem with that.

What I think is weird is people saying "show me the evidence! I want evidence!" What? You either identify/believe OP or you don't. If you don't, I don't even understand why you'd hang around on the thread.

There is zero point in arguing over what "really" happened because we'll never know. So you can either engage with it at face value (okay, assuming this is what happened, here's my take) or you can decide it's bunk and move on.

+100 and THANK YOU.

Whenever someone tries to just take the OP at face value and say "oh yeah, I've experienced that" or even "I can see why that was awkward" or whatever, a bunch of posters are like " We don't even know this happened! OP probably didn't even know them! They didn't feel awkward how would OP know that! OP just posted this to make fun of women who hang out with friends!" Like.... Okay, maybe. But we'll never know. So can we just talk about cliques or experiences feeling excluded from mom groups as though it is true, since otherwise there's no point to the thread?

I often encounter threads or posters where I just think "no, this person is lying." But I don't engage in extensive back and forth over it because it's pointless. People can say whatever they want in here. If it doesn't pass the smell test, the best thing to do is ignore.

Those of you who don't believe OP turned something that probably should have been a 3-4 page thread into a 50 page thread. For nothing.

Says the person posting on this thread...

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

OP provided zero evidence that these women purposefully excluded her. None. If it had been there, don't you think she would have included it in her posts?

This is not court, you aren't a prosecutor. No one ever provides "evidence" of any interpersonal reaction on this website, it's anonymous and who has the time.

OP *felt* excluded. That's the subject of the thread. Sure, she might have misinterpreted the situation, always possible. But the idea that it's her job to prove to you that her feelings accurately reflected what happened is silly, because she could never do so.

She saw a big group of women from her kids' school, including a few people she considers close friends, and she felt excluded. The end. There is no point in litigating that. If you want to say "I think you probably misinterpreted this situation and are overreacting" that's fine. But demanding evidence to prove that her perception of the situation is correct? It's hostile and misguided. I hate it when people do this in threads because it just bogs them down in "I don't believe OP, OP is a sociopath, OP is a troll" and nothing fruitful is discussed. If you don't believe an OP, just... don't respond to the thread. It's that easy.

Um, yes, people provide "evidence" of things on here all the time. It's called giving people the facts. It wouldn't have taken that long for OP to do that. She spent the time posting emojis, using all bold type, and hitting at least one additional button for all the punctuation she used. Explaining what exactly had happened would have taken less time.

Everyone who said OP was misinterpreting the situation and overreacted was called names. So that's how that worked out.

+1

She asserts that the others “felt awkward” but how the heck does she know how others are feeling?

If she said shared that she went over to say hi and they ignored her or were short with her or gave her a nasty look and walked away she’d have a point. But why not share if that is what happened vs a vague assertion that she knows what is in the mind of other people. I think she was projecting her feelings onto them most likely.

The number of you who seem to think this is a court of law and you've been asked to come and assess the validity of OP's feelings is amazing.

I tend to believe that OP was excluded in some way and the other women looked awkward, specifically because she didn't provide an airtight story with perfect facts that would prove to you once and for all that this women definitely excluded her. Her story rings true to me because she's not trying to present it in this perfect way that will satisfy a bunch of people who are determined to say she had no right to feel the way she did.

Does that mean the other women are terrible? No! I've been in the group that left someone out before. I am not a terrible person and in most cases I either didn't know someone had been left out or I felt there was a good reason for doing it. But also -- I bet it didn't feel good for those women.

You can believe OP that it was awkward and that she felt bad without needing to call in the National Guard to investigate exactly what happened here.

Some of us are reading her post and saying based on the lack of supportive facts (even with some tweaks for privacy reasons) and that it is full of subjective statements, we do not have reason to fully believe her objective experience.

Some people are reading her post and inferring facts (likely from their own personal experiences as we are all prone to do) and saying she likely interpreted the situation reasonably as a rejection.

I fall in the former camp. You fall in the latter. Such is the discussion. Just because I can in theory believe OP doesn’t mean I do or that I’m wrong for not thinking her take is accurate based on what has been shared.

But that discussion is pointless. "I believe her." "Well I don't." We can't prove it either way so that's the end of that.

The reason you have to take OP at face value to have a productive conversation is that it's the only way to get to the underlying issue, which is more interesting than debating an unknowable fact like whether these women did in fact look awkward upon seeing OP.

"The only way to get to the conclusion that I got to, which is obviously right, is to infer certain facts in the OP, so anyone who is questioning OP's version of events is therefore wrong."

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

OP provided zero evidence that these women purposefully excluded her. None. If it had been there, don't you think she would have included it in her posts?

This is not court, you aren't a prosecutor. No one ever provides "evidence" of any interpersonal reaction on this website, it's anonymous and who has the time.

OP *felt* excluded. That's the subject of the thread. Sure, she might have misinterpreted the situation, always possible. But the idea that it's her job to prove to you that her feelings accurately reflected what happened is silly, because she could never do so.

She saw a big group of women from her kids' school, including a few people she considers close friends, and she felt excluded. The end. There is no point in litigating that. If you want to say "I think you probably misinterpreted this situation and are overreacting" that's fine. But demanding evidence to prove that her perception of the situation is correct? It's hostile and misguided. I hate it when people do this in threads because it just bogs them down in "I don't believe OP, OP is a sociopath, OP is a troll" and nothing fruitful is discussed. If you don't believe an OP, just... don't respond to the thread. It's that easy.

Um, yes, people provide "evidence" of things on here all the time. It's called giving people the facts. It wouldn't have taken that long for OP to do that. She spent the time posting emojis, using all bold type, and hitting at least one additional button for all the punctuation she used. Explaining what exactly had happened would have taken less time.

Everyone who said OP was misinterpreting the situation and overreacted was called names. So that's how that worked out.

+1

She asserts that the others “felt awkward” but how the heck does she know how others are feeling?

If she said shared that she went over to say hi and they ignored her or were short with her or gave her a nasty look and walked away she’d have a point. But why not share if that is what happened vs a vague assertion that she knows what is in the mind of other people. I think she was projecting her feelings onto them most likely.

The number of you who seem to think this is a court of law and you've been asked to come and assess the validity of OP's feelings is amazing.

I tend to believe that OP was excluded in some way and the other women looked awkward, specifically because she didn't provide an airtight story with perfect facts that would prove to you once and for all that this women definitely excluded her. Her story rings true to me because she's not trying to present it in this perfect way that will satisfy a bunch of people who are determined to say she had no right to feel the way she did.

Does that mean the other women are terrible? No! I've been in the group that left someone out before. I am not a terrible person and in most cases I either didn't know someone had been left out or I felt there was a good reason for doing it. But also -- I bet it didn't feel good for those women.

You can believe OP that it was awkward and that she felt bad without needing to call in the National Guard to investigate exactly what happened here.

Some of us are reading her post and saying based on the lack of supportive facts (even with some tweaks for privacy reasons) and that it is full of subjective statements, we do not have reason to fully believe her objective experience.

Some people are reading her post and inferring facts (likely from their own personal experiences as we are all prone to do) and saying she likely interpreted the situation reasonably as a rejection.

I fall in the former camp. You fall in the latter. Such is the discussion. Just because I can in theory believe OP doesn’t mean I do or that I’m wrong for not thinking her take is accurate based on what has been shared.

But that discussion is pointless. "I believe her." "Well I don't." We can't prove it either way so that's the end of that.

The reason you have to take OP at face value to have a productive conversation is that it's the only way to get to the underlying issue, which is more interesting than debating an unknowable fact like whether these women did in fact look awkward upon seeing OP.

You can't have a productive conversation from a faulty premise.

Then why are you here? Some people don't find the premise faulty and are wiling to discuss it.

It seems like you are here to stop others from having a conversation they want to have, which is a weird waste of everyone's time, including yours.

I'm not PP but what conversation is it exactly that you were hoping to have here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

OP provided zero evidence that these women purposefully excluded her. None. If it had been there, don't you think she would have included it in her posts?

This is not court, you aren't a prosecutor. No one ever provides "evidence" of any interpersonal reaction on this website, it's anonymous and who has the time.

OP *felt* excluded. That's the subject of the thread. Sure, she might have misinterpreted the situation, always possible. But the idea that it's her job to prove to you that her feelings accurately reflected what happened is silly, because she could never do so.

She saw a big group of women from her kids' school, including a few people she considers close friends, and she felt excluded. The end. There is no point in litigating that. If you want to say "I think you probably misinterpreted this situation and are overreacting" that's fine. But demanding evidence to prove that her perception of the situation is correct? It's hostile and misguided. I hate it when people do this in threads because it just bogs them down in "I don't believe OP, OP is a sociopath, OP is a troll" and nothing fruitful is discussed. If you don't believe an OP, just... don't respond to the thread. It's that easy.

Um, yes, people provide "evidence" of things on here all the time. It's called giving people the facts. It wouldn't have taken that long for OP to do that. She spent the time posting emojis, using all bold type, and hitting at least one additional button for all the punctuation she used. Explaining what exactly had happened would have taken less time.

Everyone who said OP was misinterpreting the situation and overreacted was called names. So that's how that worked out.

+1

She asserts that the others “felt awkward” but how the heck does she know how others are feeling?

If she said shared that she went over to say hi and they ignored her or were short with her or gave her a nasty look and walked away she’d have a point. But why not share if that is what happened vs a vague assertion that she knows what is in the mind of other people. I think she was projecting her feelings onto them most likely.

The number of you who seem to think this is a court of law and you've been asked to come and assess the validity of OP's feelings is amazing.

I tend to believe that OP was excluded in some way and the other women looked awkward, specifically because she didn't provide an airtight story with perfect facts that would prove to you once and for all that this women definitely excluded her. Her story rings true to me because she's not trying to present it in this perfect way that will satisfy a bunch of people who are determined to say she had no right to feel the way she did.

Does that mean the other women are terrible? No! I've been in the group that left someone out before. I am not a terrible person and in most cases I either didn't know someone had been left out or I felt there was a good reason for doing it. But also -- I bet it didn't feel good for those women.

You can believe OP that it was awkward and that she felt bad without needing to call in the National Guard to investigate exactly what happened here.

Some of us are reading her post and saying based on the lack of supportive facts (even with some tweaks for privacy reasons) and that it is full of subjective statements, we do not have reason to fully believe her objective experience.

Some people are reading her post and inferring facts (likely from their own personal experiences as we are all prone to do) and saying she likely interpreted the situation reasonably as a rejection.

I fall in the former camp. You fall in the latter. Such is the discussion. Just because I can in theory believe OP doesn’t mean I do or that I’m wrong for not thinking her take is accurate based on what has been shared.

But that discussion is pointless. "I believe her." "Well I don't." We can't prove it either way so that's the end of that.

The reason you have to take OP at face value to have a productive conversation is that it's the only way to get to the underlying issue, which is more interesting than debating an unknowable fact like whether these women did in fact look awkward upon seeing OP.

You can't have a productive conversation from a faulty premise.

Then why are you here? Some people don't find the premise faulty and are wiling to discuss it.

It seems like you are here to stop others from having a conversation they want to have, which is a weird waste of everyone's time, including yours.

Why are you here? This isn't an echo chamber. I'm not going to talk about excluding behavior if we can't even agree what it is. If you don't like that conversation, you know where the door is.

It's probably OP coming back to demand that everyone have the conversation she wants to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get how an adult woman could care if a group of mere acquaintances didn’t invite her to something.

All the ladies at my yoga studio get together all of the time. I’ve only been invited once or twice and couldn’t make it. I’ve run into them out and about for lunch/drinks and jimmy crack corn I don’t care. What’s it to me? Is it a clique? Nope, it’s just a group of women who like to hang out with each other. They’re not doing it at my expense.

Besides, I’m too busy to care. Now, if my friends got together and didn’t include me, that would hurt. But mommies on a bus stop? I really, really could not care less.

Don’t you have other stuff to do, OP?

There are a number of posters here, including you, who are making the (bizarre) assumption that the OP and anyone who has said anything supportive of her is saying that everyone must be invited to everything. I doubt anyone believes that (there may be troll PPs saying such things to stir up trouble). It's more about talking about feelings of awkwardness or exclusion that can happen. That's it. Talking about awkward situations does not translate to saying people expect to be invited to everything. I can't understand how your mind would even go to that to the point you need to write angry-sounding posts that insult the OP and other PPs. What is wrong with you?

Why would OP be upset if she didn't think she should have been invited to the winery? And why would OP be upset because 2 of her friends went with 13 other people to a winery? Clearly she thinks she should have been invited. Why is that any different from the yoga example above?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. This is a thing. At parent pickup a bunch of parents in front of me talked about how they all went out that Friday night. They clearly knew I had not been invited but thought it was good conversation to have with me and two other parents who were not there. It also got into two parents talking about how they think they have alcohol issues… I just listened and then went to grab my child and head home. These same parents have no problem asking me for help- picking up their child, dropping something off, voting for something, etc.

The one who was the most obnoxious was a dad actually who brags about their beach house and sailing camp for his (physically and verbally abusive kid he likes to push kids and ride over their arms with his bike…and is mean to other kids).

Find your people OP. It is okay to feel hurt, that is human. I don’t drink in the middle of the day so this event wouldn’t be my thing.

You don’t always have to be invited to everything but if they saw you it would have been nice of them to say, “hey Sam, so great to see you. After your meeting stop by our table and have a glass of wine with us! We are planning to be here until x time.”
They don’t have to do that but it would have been the kind thing to do.

Parent cliques are real and people on here who don’t see an issue with it might be the ones being cliquey.

So a group of friends happened to have a conversation about something they did together in front of...multiple other people who hadn't been there with them? Ah, but they're alcoholics, so that makes sense. Wait, but then why are you hurt that they're not including you in their drinking activities? Oh it's because their kids are bullies. No wait, that's not right. Never mind, the moral of the story is that these 15 women should have included OP even though we don't know why they were together at the winery. Anyone who doesn't agree with me is a mean girl.

[Anonymous]

What’s with the manic poster above? LOL

10-ish replies at once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hang out with different moms. The clique stuff abates later on.

No, it does not. These groups actually expand and solidify. The DC will join the same travel teams with dad coaches. Carpools form. Then exclusive sport specific summer training camps. Girls Weekends. Multi-Family Vacations. Social engineering: the DC will take each other to Homecoming, Prom. Parents will join same church. Parents will host huge parties for each other (40th/50th). Kids will serve as bartenders.

DCs will be the Mean Girls/Guys.

For the love of God, your kids and especially you are not entitled to be friends with the "cool" families. And just because you're not in their orbit does not make them "mean". My kids are not in the "cool" clique but they've been dance dates with cool kids and the kids and their parents are always cordial. Then again our kids are in private school. Maybe the families are more vicious in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get how an adult woman could care if a group of mere acquaintances didn’t invite her to something.

All the ladies at my yoga studio get together all of the time. I’ve only been invited once or twice and couldn’t make it. I’ve run into them out and about for lunch/drinks and jimmy crack corn I don’t care. What’s it to me? Is it a clique? Nope, it’s just a group of women who like to hang out with each other. They’re not doing it at my expense.

Besides, I’m too busy to care. Now, if my friends got together and didn’t include me, that would hurt. But mommies on a bus stop? I really, really could not care less.

Don’t you have other stuff to do, OP?

There are a number of posters here, including you, who are making the (bizarre) assumption that the OP and anyone who has said anything supportive of her is saying that everyone must be invited to everything. I doubt anyone believes that (there may be troll PPs saying such things to stir up trouble). It's more about talking about feelings of awkwardness or exclusion that can happen. That's it. Talking about awkward situations does not translate to saying people expect to be invited to everything. I can't understand how your mind would even go to that to the point you need to write angry-sounding posts that insult the OP and other PPs. What is wrong with you?

Why would OP be upset if she didn't think she should have been invited to the winery? And why would OP be upset because 2 of her friends went with 13 other people to a winery? Clearly she thinks she should have been invited. Why is that any different from the yoga example above?

DP but it's possible to feel sad at not being included in a group you'd like to be part of, and not think "I should always be invited to everything." Just like it's possible to be sad at missing out on a job or promotion, while understanding that the candidate who got it was qualified and deserved it. Or to feel sad that you can't conceive another child, while not resenting every single person who has more children than you.

I mean, I talk about this with my kid all the time. When she feels left out from a friend group or gathering, I tell her it's of course okay to feel sad, but that doesn't mean believing no one should ever hang out without you.

I don't know that this is how OP feels, but I do think it's what many of us have expressed on this thread. It's fine that people don't invite everyone to everything (in fact necessary as logistically it's not possible to be maximally inclusive all the time, plus people of course have preferences) but also sometimes you are on the outside looking in and it hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hang out with different moms. The clique stuff abates later on.

No, it does not. These groups actually expand and solidify. The DC will join the same travel teams with dad coaches. Carpools form. Then exclusive sport specific summer training camps. Girls Weekends. Multi-Family Vacations. Social engineering: the DC will take each other to Homecoming, Prom. Parents will join same church. Parents will host huge parties for each other (40th/50th). Kids will serve as bartenders.

DCs will be the Mean Girls/Guys.

For the love of God, your kids and especially you are not entitled to be friends with the "cool" families. And just because you're not in their orbit does not make them "mean". My kids are not in the "cool" clique but they've been dance dates with cool kids and the kids and their parents are always cordial. Then again our kids are in private school. Maybe the families are more vicious in public.

There are no cool families. The sooner you realize this, the happier you are. Coolness is imaginary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:36 pages because adults have friends and don’t invite the whole class to their birthday party?

I don’t understand how a group of people OP knows getting together socially without inviting her makes it a clique. A clique would be if they stood in a circle at the bus stop and excluded OP by ignoring her or if they all openly make plans together at the bus stop and purposely don’t include OP.

More like 49 pages of:

-- Middle class social climbers seething the rich alpha moms won't let them in their clique
-- Women who waited too long to have kids, now they're the 'granny mom' and younger prettier moms exclude them
-- 'Girl bosses' who moved to Washington from flyover country, thus have zero built-in family & friend network, complaining they struggle to make tight-knit connections

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hang out with different moms. The clique stuff abates later on.

No, it does not. These groups actually expand and solidify. The DC will join the same travel teams with dad coaches. Carpools form. Then exclusive sport specific summer training camps. Girls Weekends. Multi-Family Vacations. Social engineering: the DC will take each other to Homecoming, Prom. Parents will join same church. Parents will host huge parties for each other (40th/50th). Kids will serve as bartenders.

DCs will be the Mean Girls/Guys.

For the love of God, your kids and especially you are not entitled to be friends with the "cool" families. And just because you're not in their orbit does not make them "mean". My kids are not in the "cool" clique but they've been dance dates with cool kids and the kids and their parents are always cordial. Then again our kids are in private school. Maybe the families are more vicious in public.

There are no cool families. The sooner you realize this, the happier you are. Coolness is imaginary.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get how an adult woman could care if a group of mere acquaintances didn’t invite her to something.

All the ladies at my yoga studio get together all of the time. I’ve only been invited once or twice and couldn’t make it. I’ve run into them out and about for lunch/drinks and jimmy crack corn I don’t care. What’s it to me? Is it a clique? Nope, it’s just a group of women who like to hang out with each other. They’re not doing it at my expense.

Besides, I’m too busy to care. Now, if my friends got together and didn’t include me, that would hurt. But mommies on a bus stop? I really, really could not care less.

Don’t you have other stuff to do, OP?

Exactly. It's because OP and this echo chamber here are all thirsty social climbers. They ooze desperation. It's a safe bet the women OP and the echo chamber are all frustrated by are upper caste and wealthy. You're not pissed off if the school's apartment dwelling parents aren't inviting you to an Olive Garden lunch on Friday. You want to be 'in' with the high born. Too bad you're not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get how an adult woman could care if a group of mere acquaintances didn’t invite her to something.

All the ladies at my yoga studio get together all of the time. I’ve only been invited once or twice and couldn’t make it. I’ve run into them out and about for lunch/drinks and jimmy crack corn I don’t care. What’s it to me? Is it a clique? Nope, it’s just a group of women who like to hang out with each other. They’re not doing it at my expense.

Besides, I’m too busy to care. Now, if my friends got together and didn’t include me, that would hurt. But mommies on a bus stop? I really, really could not care less.

Don’t you have other stuff to do, OP?

Exactly. It's because OP and this echo chamber here are all thirsty social climbers. They ooze desperation. It's a safe bet the women OP and the echo chamber are all frustrated by are upper caste and wealthy. You're not pissed off if the school's apartment dwelling parents aren't inviting you to an Olive Garden lunch on Friday. You want to be 'in' with the high born. Too bad you're not.

It's crazy to me that you couldn't understand anyone every feeling left out for any reason other than being a "thirsty social climber."

When I have felt left out of a group of women, it is usually because I am in a place where I don't yet have many friends and am lonely. That's it. Not because I'm trying to wheedle my way into a higher "caste."

This is honestly a deranged attitude and I hope I never find myself in a friend group with people who think this way. Most people just want friends to hang out with and talk to, not to gain entry to high society. Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get how an adult woman could care if a group of mere acquaintances didn’t invite her to something.

All the ladies at my yoga studio get together all of the time. I’ve only been invited once or twice and couldn’t make it. I’ve run into them out and about for lunch/drinks and jimmy crack corn I don’t care. What’s it to me? Is it a clique? Nope, it’s just a group of women who like to hang out with each other. They’re not doing it at my expense.

Besides, I’m too busy to care. Now, if my friends got together and didn’t include me, that would hurt. But mommies on a bus stop? I really, really could not care less.

Don’t you have other stuff to do, OP?

Exactly. It's because OP and this echo chamber here are all thirsty social climbers. They ooze desperation. It's a safe bet the women OP and the echo chamber are all frustrated by are upper caste and wealthy. You're not pissed off if the school's apartment dwelling parents aren't inviting you to an Olive Garden lunch on Friday. You want to be 'in' with the high born. Too bad you're not.

It's crazy to me that you couldn't understand anyone every feeling left out for any reason other than being a "thirsty social climber."

When I have felt left out of a group of women, it is usually because I am in a place where I don't yet have many friends and am lonely. That's it. Not because I'm trying to wheedle my way into a higher "caste."

This is honestly a deranged attitude and I hope I never find myself in a friend group with people who think this way. Most people just want friends to hang out with and talk to, not to gain entry to high society. Good lord.

If you actually want to be friends with these people it's probably best not to run off and declare them all drunks, with awful children, no jobs, who are just a bunch of mean girls. That doesn't make the lonely people more empathetic.