Is your MIL a gossip?

[Anonymous]

My MIL is a gossip. I am turned off by it, but I don't call her on her atrocities. No one is off limits - dead or alive, young or old, "friend" or no,t you get the idea. What is a good way to shut this down? I thought of saying: "and what does/did so-and-so think of you?" or "that's not very nice" or "mom always said, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything". I feel it would have no effect on her, she's kind of brutal and rather smug. She actually thinks she is funny! What would you say to her, if anything? I am opposed to making faces, I fell like it is behaving life a petulant child, much like her. Frankly, I don't respect her, after hearing many years of this, and I suspect she does not like herself. Ideas?

[Anonymous]

Don't tell her anything.

[Anonymous]

This is my MIL too. She is such a bitch, talking about my husband's sisters and families, so I know she talks about us as well. Usually I leave the room, or change the subject very quickly, and not always in a polite way. I've only called her out once, when she was talking about how our cousin professes to be so religious while "living in sin". I said well, gossip's a sin too. She shut her trap for the rest of the ride home.

[Anonymous]

My MIL sort of gossips, but she considers it telling us what's going on with extended family we don't talk with much. "Jeff got offered a job in Brisbane." "Elena had another miscarriage." I don't find her to be catty about it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you. The "I'm just being funny" person is for me the hardest type to deal with -- they can't be persuaded, or shocked, into any realization that they're hurtful or just wrong; they usually insist that YOU are the one who doesn't "get it" and "doesn't have a sense of humor" and so on.

I agree with the PP above who said that leaving the room or changing the topic immediately is best. I would not even acknowledge the gossipy comment with more than maybe a chilly stare as I changed the subject to something positive and neutral, preferably a topic not involving any person about whom she usually gossips.

If she's the very persistent type, it might signal that she's very bored and lonely and perhaps thinks that she has nothing of her own to discuss so she talks about other people. Maybe try turning the focus onto her by asking her specific questions about herself as a kid and young adult or questions about your spouse when he or she was young. Elicit some actual, positive memories you can enjoy, and thank her for sharing them. Then when she slides off into talking about people you don't know or care about, or people you do know but don't care to hear gossip about, you can leave, change topics, or ask her more about your spouse's hilarious antics as a kid.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is more of a medical chatter/oversharer. She's absolutely not mean spirited but she loves, loves, loves to talk about other people's medical issues and I am way more reserved - I realized a long time ago I shouldn't share anything I don't want repeated to others!

[Anonymous]

My MIL rants about everybody when they're not around. Can you believe the nerve of so and so, that person is so full of herself, that person never did right by her kids, etc. The only one who joins in with her is her daughter, my SIL. They passionately love dissecting people, even lifelong best friends.

And then when they're in person, they're as sweetie-honey nice as can be.

[Anonymous]

How about "you're such a little gossip!"

I'm straightforward with my MIL...who IS a gossip, but in a fun lighthearted way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about "you're such a little gossip!"

I'm straightforward with my MIL...who IS a gossip, but in a fun lighthearted way

Omg, this would be like poking a stick in the hornets nest with mine

[Anonymous]

My MIL and my mother and both relentless gossips and oversharers. I have a two-pronged approach: first is never engage in the gossip. I don't call them out on it because I know they'll deny and get all huffy and accuse me of judging them. Just respond with an "uh huh" and change the topic. Or I leave the room, if it can be done with even the slightest bit of grace.

Second, say bland things, share as little as possible, and never say anything that you wouldn't want them blabbing all over tow, to every person they know, and to the extended family. I figure if they're willing to say all those things to me, god only knows what they say to people about me. So I try to give as little ammunition as possible.

It's not ideal. But it's how I've been able to make the best of a very much less-than-great situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL and my mother and both relentless gossips and oversharers. I have a two-pronged approach: first is never engage in the gossip. I don't call them out on it because I know they'll deny and get all huffy and accuse me of judging them. Just respond with an "uh huh" and change the topic. Or I leave the room, if it can be done with even the slightest bit of grace.

Second, say bland things, share as little as possible, and never say anything that you wouldn't want them blabbing all over tow, to every person they know, and to the extended family. I figure if they're willing to say all those things to me, god only knows what they say to people about me. So I try to give as little ammunition as possible.

It's not ideal. But it's how I've been able to make the best of a very much less-than-great situation.

This. Don't participate or encourage and keep the supply of ammo about you low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about "you're such a little gossip!"

I'm straightforward with my MIL...who IS a gossip, but in a fun lighthearted way

Omg, this would be like poking a stick in the hornets nest with mine

+1

This is true of my MIL, also. She recently is undergoing surgery. Her absolute favorite topics include anything medical (without having significant medical knowledge, mind you) - hers and other people, whether I know them, or not. And another favorite topic is other people, and how they are (essentially) crap. Unless it is a complete stranger, then they are practically flawless. Dh is talking about getting his mom home health care for her surgery - because he doesn't want to hear it (and I am over it). Not to mention, when we are around for any duration, she is just reading, anyway. So, what's the point? A rhetorical question, of course. If she was a kind person, I wouldn't mind hanging out with her, but holy hell....

[Anonymous]

My nosy ass MIL is two-faced and I don't fuck with her on any level. She tells everyone's business and also lies purposely to create confusion then she puts on her old, sweet grandma face and voice. What a messy old cow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL rants about everybody when they're not around. Can you believe the nerve of so and so, that person is so full of herself, that person never did right by her kids, etc. The only one who joins in with her is her daughter, my SIL. They passionately love dissecting people, even lifelong best friends.

And then when they're in person, they're as sweetie-honey nice as can be.



My MIL and SIL are like yours.....two-faced as hell!!!

[Anonymous]

MIL is a motor mouth and so is DH! I can't tell them anything or the Western Unions spread the news inaccurately!