Nephew living with us this summer

[Anonymous]

My nephew, who lives in Pittsburgh (though he goes to college in Wisconsin) has inquired about living with us this summer. He has been offered an internship beginning in May and running thru the end of July. The internship is 40 hours/week and he could easily take metro there.

He is a very nice, responsible 19 year old. Not a partier, and respectful by all accounts (we see him about 3x/year). Still, I'm a bit ...apprehensive about it. Has anyone else had a relative wanting to stay with you for a period of time? How did it go?

[Anonymous]

What are your concerns?

[Anonymous]

He is coming for work and you mention he is responsible.
He is in college so you know he is not trying to move in with you for good.

Any specific worries?
How old are you and DH? Any kids?

[Anonymous]

I would ask him to pay a small amount in room and board. I would also write out some genral rules and have him sign them.

I didn't do those two things with my niece and wish I would have. After a few weeks I started to resint cooking and cleaning up after one more person. I think having him chip in would help with that. On the plus side my Dd loves having her cousin around.

[Anonymous]

Unless I did not like him, I would be jumping with joy!

[Anonymous]

Yes. I've done it three different times. Twice with relatives, and once with a daughter's friend. Each time I've allowed it, I've had younger kids in the house. Here are the rules I give them:

1. You'll be given a key. If you lose it once, no problem. Lose it more than once, you'll have to pay for a locksmith and new keys.
2. Each day you'll let me know by 5pm if you'll be joining us for dinner.
3. Each night you'll let me know by 10pm if you'll be sleeping at home.
4. No food or drink in your bedroom. The only exception is water.
5. You'll not bring romantic partners to sleep over. They need to leave by midnight.
6. You'll clean up after yourself. This means not leaving hair in the shower drain, dishes in the sink, cooking and leaving a mess in the kitchen, etc.
7. If there's even a suspicion of drugs, you'll have to be out within 12 hours. No exceptions.
8. Do not drive drunk. If you are drunk, call us to come get you. Do not get in a car with anyone who has been drinking. Even at 3am, even if you're two hours away. Do NOT drive drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to pay a small amount in room and board. I would also write out some genral rules and have him sign them.

I didn't do those two things with my niece and wish I would have. After a few weeks I started to resint cooking and cleaning up after one more person. I think having him chip in would help with that. On the plus side my Dd loves having her cousin around.

I agree that house rules are a good idea. But college internships don't usually pay very much, I should hope that family wouldn't want to take money away from someone's education just on principle. If you'd had house rules that included chore sharing, that probably would have taken care of the resentment over the increased workload.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to pay a small amount in room and board. I would also write out some genral rules and have him sign them.

I didn't do those two things with my niece and wish I would have. After a few weeks I started to resint cooking and cleaning up after one more person. I think having him chip in would help with that. On the plus side my Dd loves having her cousin around.

This is my concern. It's probably silly, because I have no reason to be concerned given what I know about him, but I just fear we're going to resent having another person in the house and the maintenance that comes along with that.

We have little kids (6 and 3). I work PT, DH works outside the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to pay a small amount in room and board. I would also write out some genral rules and have him sign them.

I didn't do those two things with my niece and wish I would have. After a few weeks I started to resint cooking and cleaning up after one more person. I think having him chip in would help with that. On the plus side my Dd loves having her cousin around.

OMG! You really think it is ok to charge a family member for something like this? Awful!

Op, I would no charge him but I would make it clear he has to pinch in with household chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to pay a small amount in room and board. I would also write out some genral rules and have him sign them.

I didn't do those two things with my niece and wish I would have. After a few weeks I started to resint cooking and cleaning up after one more person. I think having him chip in would help with that. On the plus side my Dd loves having her cousin around.

I agree that house rules are a good idea. But college internships don't usually pay very much, I should hope that family wouldn't want to take money away from someone's education just on principle. If you'd had house rules that included chore sharing, that probably would have taken care of the resentment over the increased workload.

OP here, yes I think the idea is that he would live with us precisely because if he wasn't living with us, any money he'd make from the internship would go towards rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to pay a small amount in room and board. I would also write out some genral rules and have him sign them.

I didn't do those two things with my niece and wish I would have. After a few weeks I started to resint cooking and cleaning up after one more person. I think having him chip in would help with that. On the plus side my Dd loves having her cousin around.

This is my concern. It's probably silly, because I have no reason to be concerned given what I know about him, but I just fear we're going to resent having another person in the house and the maintenance that comes along with that.

We have little kids (6 and 3). I work PT, DH works outside the home.

Maybe instead of asking for money, he could provide some free babysitting for you. Then you and your DH could get a little break, do some extra date nights, etc., to offset the impact of having another person under your roof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to pay a small amount in room and board. I would also write out some genral rules and have him sign them.

I didn't do those two things with my niece and wish I would have. After a few weeks I started to resint cooking and cleaning up after one more person. I think having him chip in would help with that. On the plus side my Dd loves having her cousin around.

I just listed my rules I've given to college and early 20's "kids" who have stayed with us. We do not charge rent. To me that's not "opening your home to a relative/friend." That's taking in a short-term renter. It was no trouble for me to cook dinners for one more person - it's not as if I made another meal - it was just a smidge more food. I did not clean up after them. They did their own laundry, dropped off and picked up their own dry-cleaning, kept the bathroom clean, and cleaned up after themselves when making breakfast/lunch. When they joined us for dinner, they either helped cook, set tables, or did the dishes. It was really no extra work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to pay a small amount in room and board. I would also write out some genral rules and have him sign them.

I didn't do those two things with my niece and wish I would have. After a few weeks I started to resint cooking and cleaning up after one more person. I think having him chip in would help with that. On the plus side my Dd loves having her cousin around.

This is my concern. It's probably silly, because I have no reason to be concerned given what I know about him, but I just fear we're going to resent having another person in the house and the maintenance that comes along with that.

We have little kids (6 and 3). I work PT, DH works outside the home.

Maybe instead of asking for money, he could provide some free babysitting for you. Then you and your DH could get a little break, do some extra date nights, etc., to offset the impact of having another person under your roof.

I think that is a great idea. add it to the other rules and I think you are good.

"1. You'll be given a key. If you lose it once, no problem. Lose it more than once, you'll have to pay for a locksmith and new keys.
2. Each day you'll let me know by 5pm if you'll be joining us for dinner.
3. Each night you'll let me know by 10pm if you'll be sleeping at home.
4. No food or drink in your bedroom. The only exception is water.
5. You'll not bring romantic partners to sleep over. They need to leave by midnight.
6. You'll clean up after yourself. This means not leaving hair in the shower drain, dishes in the sink, cooking and leaving a mess in the kitchen, etc.
7. If there's even a suspicion of drugs, you'll have to be out within 12 hours. No exceptions.
8. Do not drive drunk. If you are drunk, call us to come get you. Do not get in a car with anyone who has been drinking. Even at 3am, even if you're two hours away. Do NOT drive drunk."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I've done it three different times. Twice with relatives, and once with a daughter's friend. Each time I've allowed it, I've had younger kids in the house. Here are the rules I give them:

1. You'll be given a key. If you lose it once, no problem. Lose it more than once, you'll have to pay for a locksmith and new keys.
2. Each day you'll let me know by 5pm if you'll be joining us for dinner.
3. Each night you'll let me know by 10pm if you'll be sleeping at home.
4. No food or drink in your bedroom. The only exception is water.
5. You'll not bring romantic partners to sleep over. They need to leave by midnight.
6. You'll clean up after yourself. This means not leaving hair in the shower drain, dishes in the sink, cooking and leaving a mess in the kitchen, etc.
7. If there's even a suspicion of drugs, you'll have to be out within 12 hours. No exceptions.
8. Do not drive drunk. If you are drunk, call us to come get you. Do not get in a car with anyone who has been drinking. Even at 3am, even if you're two hours away. Do NOT drive drunk.

This is an awesome list.

[Anonymous]

Think about what a great opportunity it will be for your kids. No rent.