Nephew living with us this summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to pay a small amount in room and board. I would also write out some genral rules and have him sign them.

I didn't do those two things with my niece and wish I would have. After a few weeks I started to resint cooking and cleaning up after one more person. I think having him chip in would help with that. On the plus side my Dd loves having her cousin around.

This is my concern. It's probably silly, because I have no reason to be concerned given what I know about him, but I just fear we're going to resent having another person in the house and the maintenance that comes along with that.

We have little kids (6 and 3). I work PT, DH works outside the home.

Maybe instead of asking for money, he could provide some free babysitting for you. Then you and your DH could get a little break, do some extra date nights, etc., to offset the impact of having another person under your roof.

This. Win-win. (Many internships don't pay anything these days.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I've done it three different times. Twice with relatives, and once with a daughter's friend. Each time I've allowed it, I've had younger kids in the house. Here are the rules I give them:

1. You'll be given a key. If you lose it once, no problem. Lose it more than once, you'll have to pay for a locksmith and new keys.
2. Each day you'll let me know by 5pm if you'll be joining us for dinner.
3. Each night you'll let me know by 10pm if you'll be sleeping at home.
4. No food or drink in your bedroom. The only exception is water.
5. You'll not bring romantic partners to sleep over. They need to leave by midnight.
6. You'll clean up after yourself. This means not leaving hair in the shower drain, dishes in the sink, cooking and leaving a mess in the kitchen, etc.
7. If there's even a suspicion of drugs, you'll have to be out within 12 hours. No exceptions.
8. Do not drive drunk. If you are drunk, call us to come get you. Do not get in a car with anyone who has been drinking. Even at 3am, even if you're two hours away. Do NOT drive drunk.

A bit much. Maybe just no drugs, drinking, sex, or girls sleeping in the house. If you aren't coming home call us or text. Don't drink and drive use Uber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I've done it three different times. Twice with relatives, and once with a daughter's friend. Each time I've allowed it, I've had younger kids in the house. Here are the rules I give them:

1. You'll be given a key. If you lose it once, no problem. Lose it more than once, you'll have to pay for a locksmith and new keys.
2. Each day you'll let me know by 5pm if you'll be joining us for dinner.
3. Each night you'll let me know by 10pm if you'll be sleeping at home.
4. No food or drink in your bedroom. The only exception is water.
5. You'll not bring romantic partners to sleep over. They need to leave by midnight.
6. You'll clean up after yourself. This means not leaving hair in the shower drain, dishes in the sink, cooking and leaving a mess in the kitchen, etc.
7. If there's even a suspicion of drugs, you'll have to be out within 12 hours. No exceptions.
8. Do not drive drunk. If you are drunk, call us to come get you. Do not get in a car with anyone who has been drinking. Even at 3am, even if you're two hours away. Do NOT drive drunk.

A bit much. Maybe just no drugs, drinking, sex, or girls sleeping in the house. If you aren't coming home call us or text. Don't drink and drive use Uber.

Nope, eight rules is not too much. I'm not going to say "no girls sleeping in the house" because often early 20's is when a lot of people come out, and I want people staying here to know this is a gay-friendly household. I want to know if they'll be home for dinner by 5 so that *I* can plan dinner. I want people who are not living here out by midnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I've done it three different times. Twice with relatives, and once with a daughter's friend. Each time I've allowed it, I've had younger kids in the house. Here are the rules I give them:

1. You'll be given a key. If you lose it once, no problem. Lose it more than once, you'll have to pay for a locksmith and new keys.
2. Each day you'll let me know by 5pm if you'll be joining us for dinner.
3. Each night you'll let me know by 10pm if you'll be sleeping at home.
4. No food or drink in your bedroom. The only exception is water.
5. You'll not bring romantic partners to sleep over. They need to leave by midnight.
6. You'll clean up after yourself. This means not leaving hair in the shower drain, dishes in the sink, cooking and leaving a mess in the kitchen, etc.
7. If there's even a suspicion of drugs, you'll have to be out within 12 hours. No exceptions.
8. Do not drive drunk. If you are drunk, call us to come get you. Do not get in a car with anyone who has been drinking. Even at 3am, even if you're two hours away. Do NOT drive drunk.

A bit much. Maybe just no drugs, drinking, sex, or girls sleeping in the house. If you aren't coming home call us or text. Don't drink and drive use Uber.

Nope, eight rules is not too much. I'm not going to say "no girls sleeping in the house" because often early 20's is when a lot of people come out, and I want people staying here to know this is a gay-friendly household. I want to know if they'll be home for dinner by 5 so that *I* can plan dinner. I want people who are not living here out by midnight.

I like these I would just change #3, I would only need a text letting me know they weren't spending the night, whatever time they happen to realize it.

[Anonymous]

I have done this twice in similar situations (internship and education). Once with my niece and once with my BIL (younger brother of DH). We were more than happy to have family live with us. They were given house-keys and the only rule was to text/call us to let us know where they were.

They both were ready to help out with chores if I needed help. However, I do laundry, cleaning and cooking every day, so having another person at home was no big deal for me. I enjoyed having them at home and after they left the house felt really empty.

We were lucky that our relatives are very responsible and loving people, and so we did not even imagine having rules for them. My kids loved having their cousin and uncle at home, my sis (niece's mother) and my ILs were relieved that their children were living with family. They had full access to our home, food, cars etc. They were included in our leisure activities as well as socializing.

There was no way we would take rent or any payment for food and supplies etc. This is family, we are related by blood.

[Anonymous]

My college aged niece stayed with us last summer, and may again this year. She is very responsible, and actually helped out a lot with the kids when she was around, and it was a good experience for all of us. We did not charge her rent.

[Anonymous]

It's your NEPHEW! Why the hesitation?

[Anonymous]

I think OP isn't realizing how self-sufficient a college student can (should) be. If you're doing a lot of cleaning up after him, then he is pretty immature.

Above advice is great. Don't charge money. Could be your kids will a similar favor in the future from a relative or family friend. Pay it forward!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No masturbation. This is non negotiable.

Really? How do you plan to monitor this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to pay a small amount in room and board. I would also write out some genral rules and have him sign them.

I didn't do those two things with my niece and wish I would have. After a few weeks I started to resint cooking and cleaning up after one more person. I think having him chip in would help with that. On the plus side my Dd loves having her cousin around.

This is my concern. It's probably silly, because I have no reason to be concerned given what I know about him, but I just fear we're going to resent having another person in the house and the maintenance that comes along with that.

. We have little kids (6 and 3) I work PT, DH works outside the home.

I'm sorry, but I don't understand your feelings at all. He sounds like a great kid. Wouldn't you want someone in the future to help yours if they could? You sound selfish but I hope you open your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to pay a small amount in room and board. I would also write out some genral rules and have him sign them.

I didn't do those two things with my niece and wish I would have. After a few weeks I started to resint cooking and cleaning up after one more person. I think having him chip in would help with that. On the plus side my Dd loves having her cousin around.

OMG! You really think it is ok to charge a family member for something like this? Awful!

Op, I would no charge him but I would make it clear he has to pinch in with household chores.

Yes I think you should always charge. Gives people some skin in the game. If you want, you can save the money and give it to him at the end of the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to pay a small amount in room and board. I would also write out some genral rules and have him sign them.

I didn't do those two things with my niece and wish I would have. After a few weeks I started to resint cooking and cleaning up after one more person. I think having him chip in would help with that. On the plus side my Dd loves having her cousin around.

This is my concern. It's probably silly, because I have no reason to be concerned given what I know about him, but I just fear we're going to resent having another person in the house and the maintenance that comes along with that.

. We have little kids (6 and 3) I work PT, DH works outside the home.

I'm sorry, but I don't understand your feelings at all. He sounds like a great kid. Wouldn't you want someone in the future to help yours if they could? You sound selfish but I hope you open your heart.

I'm the poster that suggested charging a bit for room and board. i had in mind a small charge to make up for the extra food ($40 a month maybe but I'd having taken babysitting).
My niece is not paying for her own school so I guess I'd really me charging my SIL. Her family lives overseas and my family has to do a lot to help her. We don't normally mind but over the summer she was staying with us rent free, eating our food, needing to be taken to do errands since she doesn't drive and not helping out around the house. Then her parents bought her a new iPhone and I started to feel a bit used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him to pay a small amount in room and board. I would also write out some genral rules and have him sign them.

I didn't do those two things with my niece and wish I would have. After a few weeks I started to resint cooking and cleaning up after one more person. I think having him chip in would help with that. On the plus side my Dd loves having her cousin around.

OMG! You really think it is ok to charge a family member for something like this? Awful!

Op, I would no charge him but I would make it clear he has to pinch in with household chores.

Yes I think you should always charge. Gives people some skin in the game. If you want, you can save the money and give it to him at the end of the summer.

This- if he is getting paid, he should pay a nominal fee. Save the money and then give it back at the end of the summer.

Also lay out the rules.

When situations like this go bad, it is usually due to no ground rules and/or no rent.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing this must be your DH's nephew OP? You don't sound very charitable.

[Anonymous]

OP please help this kid out!!! He is your NEPHEW and he is trying to make something of his life. And please do not charge him rent! His internship might not pay anything and he will be paying for metro everyday. Set up some rules to ease up on any resentment that may build. And know that you only have to deal with the situation for a couple months.