Marrieds, thoughts on importance of father's role in school aged boys?

[Anonymous]

My third grade DS is not enrolled in _anything_ at the moment. He is not interested in doing anything - music, theater, sports, martial arts, scouts.

I am frustrated - I feel like I am the only one noticing that he is depressed and need to get busy with something, anything. (we are on waitlist for a psychologist list next month
I try to get him to join me on a walk, a jog, ice skating, shooting hoops, bike ride.
All he wants to do is mope around and play video games and watch tv. Not even read or play legos (maybe one in 5 or one in ten he'd do on of those things)

Anyway, my husband is not pushing for DS to do anything and is happy to hang at home, go out to eat or shop. But he does not push for him to _do_ anything active.

Is the the father supposed to be modeling the behavior for the kid too? I feel like as a woman maybe my role is not what is was when he was little.

[Anonymous]

Is your husband active? Was he active as a kid? I mean, I'm a mom but I don't particularly enjoy shopping, so I'm not eager to take my daughter to the mall just to browse.

As a mom, you are an equal parent, so you certainly do play a huge role, even though he is a boy. (I'd personally recommend a screen diet for a week or more--zero or low screen time. It's possible that if he's not clinically depressed, he'd find his creative and energetic spark again.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband active? Was he active as a kid? I mean, I'm a mom but I don't particularly enjoy shopping, so I'm not eager to take my daughter to the mall just to browse.

)

Thanks for response. DH was not active as kid in an unhappy family and so never really developed interests beyond reading.
To this day he prefers to sit while I like to get out. I feel like it is a disserverice to our child to let him waste away. I ends up thAT I am turned into the bad guy for making DS cry and get upset - while I am thinking of the long game making him to a person with interests.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. My husband doesn't model a lot of physical activities for DS or encourage him to do sports. But he does play chess and do logic problems with him. I think all dads should encourage their kids to do something besides watch TV and play video games.

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ends up thAT I am turned into the bad guy for making DS cry and get upset - while I am thinking of the long game making him to a person with interests.

Maybe you have a homebody child?
I am a homebody. I would much rather stay in and read, do crafts, or even yes, watch tv, than go out and do something.
My children are all extremely active and will sign up for every activity under the sun. Just like their father. My girls and my boy are much more like their father in that way. My daughters don't need to see me going and doing, their father models that just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe you have a homebody child?.

Maybe. And I am okay with homebody who is willing to read, draw, create rather than just minecraft and cartoons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe you have a homebody child?.

Maybe. And I am okay with homebody who is willing to read, draw, create rather than just minecraft and cartoons.

Well, you can't force him to read, draw, or create, but you can turn off the minecraft and cartoons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Well, you can't force him to read, draw, or create, but you can turn off the minecraft and cartoons.

Point taken. Not being snarky.

Side comment

I guess I just cannot help but wonder if dad should not be more involved with things?
DH is not home during the week and wondering if this could be part of DS sadness?

[Anonymous]

Is dad involved with son in other ways? Do they enjoy vegging at home together?

[Anonymous]

Just put your foot down. My kids are required tone in 2 extra-curriculars and One has to be a sport or physical activity like dance. They need the social skills and the exercise.

[Anonymous]

Maybe think of some activities that they can do as father and son that cater to their homebody tendencies.

[Anonymous]

My kids have always had a rule that they have to do one thing for their bodies and one thing for their minds. They are not allowed to watch tv except on vacations or when home sick, until they've gotten their first college acceptance letter. During the week, only a half hour of screens per day for fun, otherwise only for homework purposes.

Each parent is important to their child's wellbeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I guess I just cannot help but wonder if dad should not be more involved with things?
DH is not home during the week and wondering if this could be part of DS sadness?

Your husband should be involved with your son. But it doesn't have to be outside activities. Do they do anything together? Play games? Tell jokes? Draw? If they don't have a thing they do together, I'd brainstorm with my DH to find something that would be theirs. Something as simple as every Sunday morning they make pancakes together can be great for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids have always had a rule that they have to do one thing for their bodies and one thing for their minds. They are not allowed to watch tv except on vacations or when home sick, until they've gotten their first college acceptance letter. During the week, only a half hour of screens per day for fun, otherwise only for homework purposes.

Each parent is important to their child's wellbeing.

You sound like a nightmare.