Is it appropriate to ask the reasons for being denied a space?

[Anonymous]

I applied to 4 schools for my son and was denied at all four. These schools were not the most competitive to get into. I know that I should just let it go. But I am wondering if there was a specific reason that I am not aware of. Perhaps this might help me to put move on. I was thinking about contacting the schools to ask what were the reasons. However, I am not sure if this would be appropriate and in good taste.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine. Call and ask if they can provide any feedback on the application so that you can make a more informed decision about next steps.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine.

Just ask in a fair way... I think finding out the reasons why are great for understanding how you can get your child into those four schools or another school.

[Anonymous]

I would. Go step by step - how was the playdate? teacher recs? test scores? etc... Good luck!

[Anonymous]

We contacted several of the schools that rejected DC. We figured, what did we have to lose? We genuinely wanted this to be a learning experience. Some schools spoke with us nervously, like we were going to bite. Others still haven't called us back. And one was both frank and gracious at the same time, and gave very helpful feedback which has guided our decision-making since that conversation.

[Anonymous]

I contacted one school. The Head of Admissions, with whom we had spoken but who had not handled our intake, got the file. She proceed to tell me my child had trouble reading social cues and suggested he take a social skills class. (We were applying to Fifth Grade, so my child was in Fourth.) Mind you, this is supposed to be a nurturing, progressive school, and my child had been nervous about the visit, my child really wanted to go to this school. I didn't find the information helpful. No one before or since has commented on my child's social skills. So, be prepared for anything, even unsolicited advice!

[Anonymous]

Personally I think it sounds a littler desperate and/or immature. Kind of like calling up an old date and demanding "Why didn't you call me back?!" I think it's better for your equanimity to let something like this go.

OTOH, I can see that I'm in the minority here.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure what grade your child is in, but I'd consider speaking with his current school to get their feedback as well. Our preschool director was always very wise about these things - I know she calmed a lot of nerves by assuring parents when she thought it was a numbers issue and not a reflection of their child. That said, she was also candid and frank if she felt there were issues at hand. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Here's a thought. Although I am not sure about what was involved in the actual testing for your son's age because my child is much younger, it may very well be worth your while to contact the psychologist who tested your son and go over their assessment, the school's to which he applied and the results. Assuming it is somewhat subjective as was the case with the WPSSI test administered to my child, I would approach the psychologist with a very open & receptive mind to better understand why your son was not accepted at the schools. The pyschologist may give you the most honest answer in this situation. Ask if in his/her opinion was it simply the case where your son was a good candidate for admission but not enough spaces were available for admission which sadly is so often the case in this metropolitan area; or did the tester have any area(s) of concern where your son may need help. See if he/she has any insight based on their social, emotional, aptitude evaluation/overall scores of your son; if so what could help your son overcome any deficiencies or lags and what their advice is to help your son flourish. Also, go over every area of their evaluation and what it means in layman's terms. If the scores and written assessment of your son indicated any problems, I would follow-up on the psychologist's recommendations; and if possible, I would also seek a second opinion from another qualified psychologist, but not let the second tester know about the original psychologist's assessment.

My child applied this year for Pre-K at several schools and I used the pyschologist who tested my child as a resource in the application process. My child's scores were ok - but not outstanding. Only one of the schools to which we applied required scores. Not only did I ask the pyschologist how to handle whether to send the scores to the schools which did not require them (the pyschologist advised against) but I even asked for advice on issues such as when schools wanted to know if they were our first choice what to say. The psychologist was very helpful with navigating the whole process and I was very pleased with our end result. My overall point is that a pyschologist is better qualified and will probably be the most forthcoming to give you insight about your son. A school may feel awkward or not want to get involved with why your child was not accepted, so they may not give the full truth. However, you paid the pyschologist for their services and they probably will be more forthcoming. One final note, if, after you hearing everything the pyschologist has to say, and you still feel perplexed, ask he/she if it is worth your while and how you should approach the schools, and if so, what you should say when you call.

[Anonymous]

Luck is always a factor, admissions offices are looking for well-rounded classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Luck is always a factor, admissions offices are looking for well-rounded classes.

Yes. Urban lore has it that there were many boys applying this year with sibs already at schools or were legacies/faculty offspring. Hard admission year for boys.

[Anonymous]

This is classic helicopter parenting....if you must proceed, have the kid's father make the calls. Men get more respect. Period.

[Anonymous]

9:13 Not urban lore. Last year, the boy pool for Seventh Grade was fierce, with lots of interesting lads. This is straight from the horse's mouth.

9:21 I disagree. Four rejections warrants feedback. This is a parent who wants to learn something about her child, not micromanage a situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is classic helicopter parenting.

Not so.

[Anonymous]

This is classic helicopter parenting....if you must proceed, have the kid's father make the calls. Men get more respect. Period.

not fair!

I agree that four rejections would concern me, and I'm not a helicopter parent. I think that you could approach the school, let them know that you were rejected from four preschools, and wanted to know if there was any particular reason that your child was not admitted, so that you could address this with your child in the upcoming year and prepare them for next year's admissions process.