Is it appropriate to ask the reasons for being denied a space?

[Anonymous]

How do folks know what grade/age OP's child is?

[Anonymous]

Its absolutely appropriate to ask in a way that is not accusatory but genuine curiosity. Most AD will greet this question with open arms and not hide from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I contacted one school. The Head of Admissions, with whom we had spoken but who had not handled our intake, got the file. She proceed to tell me my child had trouble reading social cues and suggested he take a social skills class. (We were applying to Fifth Grade, so my child was in Fourth.) Mind you, this is supposed to be a nurturing, progressive school, and my child had been nervous about the visit, my child really wanted to go to this school. I didn't find the information helpful. No one before or since has commented on my child's social skills. So, be prepared for anything, even unsolicited advice!

How is what she offered "unsolicited advice"? Weren't you the one who called her to ask why your child wasn't admitted? What did you expect her to say?

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP. I'd asked for reasons. I was surprised that in addition to reasons, the admissions director offered suggestions about how to address them. since I had not asked for that. It was not at all what I was expecting. At the time, it came off as harsh. I shared this anecdote so the OP would know to be prepared for anything. I know another parent who called a different school and the reasons the official gave were so different from his sense of his daugher he honestly wondered if there'd been a screwup with the files. Again, the message is to be prepared for anything. Good luck to the OP.

[Anonymous]

What if the problem is that the parent(s) were a turn-off? This happens sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Do you work in admissions, or are you basing your comment on the fact that you didn't like some of other parents on the visit?

I assume that if this is the case, the AD makes the usual noises about how your child is lovely but there were just so many applicants that year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if the problem is that the parent(s) were a turn-off? This happens sometimes.

I can definitely see that, especially if the the child is a PreK or K applicant. Schools are really looking at a family fit at that age, not helicopter parents or micromanagers.

[Anonymous]

What are helicopter parents? An AD friend uses the terms "parking lot" and "starbucks" parents. Same thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are helicopter parents? An AD friend uses the terms "parking lot" and "starbucks" parents. Same thing?

Helicopter parents is a term that colleges have been using the last several years to describe a new dynamic that they are seeing. That dynamic being that the parents need to "helicopter" in every time their kid gets a bad grade, doesn't like his/her roomate, etc. Rather then providing guidance to their 18-21 year old child on how they should deal with the situation, the parents call the dean, professor, residential life staff, etc. It's not a positive term - basically it's implying that these parents are hyper-invovled and haven't given their kids the skills we all need as adults to deal with life's ups and downs.

[Anonymous]

Amazingly, helicopter parent is a term that's been around since 1991!

Earliest Citation:
Kids aren't the only ones who use slang in school. Here's some vocabulary that teachers aren't teaching: Helicopter parent: A nosy grown-up who's always hovering around. Quick to offer a teacher unwanted help.
—Ned Zeman, "Buzzwords," Newsweek, September 9, 1991

[Anonymous]

What I want to know is, what are "parking lot" and "Starbucks" parents? People who socialize in middle class venues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Luck is always a factor, admissions offices are looking for well-rounded classes.

True, and no reason a school couldn't tell you that (again . . . "we had many children for few spaces").

[Anonymous]

When we were wait-listed at a few schools and rejected at one a few years ago, I asked each AD I spoke with (including the rejection) if they had any concerns about our child and their suitability for the school, of if it was just a numbers issue. I made it very clear I was not angry or trying to change their minds, but just wanted to know if there was an issue that we needed to be aware of. In every case the AD answered without hesitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I want to know is, what are "parking lot" and "Starbucks" parents? People who socialize in middle class venues?

And she said that it's an Admissions Director using those terms!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I want to know is, what are "parking lot" and "Starbucks" parents? People who socialize in middle class venues?

15:51 here... The terms have nothing to do with socio-economic class. She used the term to reference parents who are only interested in sending kids to "certain" schools because it's trendy (i.e., Starbucks vs. Dunkin) and school/admissions process critics who gather in the parking lot and perpetuate negative perceptions vs. speaking directly with someone at the school.